Holly and the Woz are sent packing after performances by Boys II Men and Kevin Rudolf

By Annie Barrett
April 01, 2009 at 04:00 PM EDT
Craig Sjodin/ABC
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”Bummer.” [Long pause.] ”Oh, drats.” Beauty and the Geek bid a fond farewell on last night’s much-touted Dancing With the Stars double elimination. Apple founder Steve Wozniak held back from attempting to break his own world record for Worst Worm, while his partner Karina held back admirably — at least 85% — from demonstrating the art of on-camera scowling. The other eliminee, Playmate Holly Madison, didn’t hold back from doing anything, but I’m not sure she really ever needs to. Both stars wanted to stay, but a strong inevitability factor as well as a very decent results show (yay, ABC!) softened the blow for us viewers. And so did Holly’s spot-on estimation of her chances in the competition (presented during a filler segment): ”I’m not a very good dancer, so I don’t think it works.” Wozzie Bear bowed out without protest as well. HIs comments on how watching Holly and Dmitry’s ”so together, so in-step” dress rehearsal earlier in the week had made him cry was supremely sweet, and a nice final touch. Not to mention, the four-person Ring Around the Rosie has long been one of the most grossly ignored ballroom dances in the DWTS repertoire. All in all, a satisfying double elimination. One more time, do it with me…..[Nervous giggle!] (What are we laughing at? It’s a question for the ages.)

I expected Steve-O to go home with Woz instead of Holly — he seems so out of his element that I can’t imagine who’s voting for the chance to hear one more week of his Guttural Symphony in E (for ”error”). Steve-O didn’t seem too keen on staying, to be honest, but I did think his comments backstage to a much-less-growly Samantha Monster marked the (verbal) highlight of the week. ”I’m not used to dealing with high-pressure situations without drugs and alcohol,” he said matter-of-factly. Tom followed up by saying Steve-O’s week 4 words of triumph — ”I’ve made it through all of this without getting loaded” — could be one of the finest tributes to the show, ever. Steve Guttenberg’s ”This show makes the world a better place” just got knocked off its rickety pedestal with a smashed bottle of O’Doul’s.

NEXT: Three Boys II Men and a few ladies

I’m loving the idea of having Tuesday-night pro segments to demonstrate the next week’s dances. First up, Kevin Rudolf stopped by to perform ”Let It Rock,” a ”genre-defying smash hit” that I first became aware of when Cheryl and Maurice Greene used it for their paso in season 7. No one in his or her right mind would call this crazy rocked-out performance a ”demo,” but deranged people like me don’t care. If it’s fun, involves ”our pros,” and is not sponsored by Macy’s, count me in. Speaking of our pros, who was that tall hot guy you didn’t know? Dancing along with Chelsie, Lacey, Julianne, and Derek was So You Think You Can Dance season 1 alum (and former Carrie Ann flame) Artem Chigvintsev. That man can forego a shirt and ignore the nonexistent buttons on his ”vest” whenever he pleases. (Maybe next season?)

Later on, Louis Van Amstel returned to choreograph a gorgeous Viennese Waltz (legitimately a demo this time) that reminded me of the ballroom scene of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast due to its total preciousness, come-let-me-love-you theme and the camera’s heavy-handed emphasis on chandeliers. (I’m gazing at a still of the final chandelier shot right now, and it’s definitely a design that jeweled-forehead singer lady Princess Sparkle should consider for next week!) Jonathan and Anna danced with three strangers — Louis’ partner was Aliona Vilani, and the other pair were U.S. Standard Finalists Urs Geisenhainer and Agnes Kazmierczak. As Urs was a dead ringer for Louis, he will forever be known to me instead as Louis Van Amstel Light.

Boyz II Men (minus one Boy II Man) performed an exceedingly entertaining medley that kind of spazzed out halfway through — but that only made it more challenging for our intrepid pros! I usually prefer when there are more dancers involved in big numbers like this, but the three Men onstage were practically a third couple and then some (along with Tony/Cheryl and Dmitry/Kym on the floor) with their enthusiasm and peppy dance moves. I’m extremely glad the Boyz didn’t launch into ”Motownphilly,” as I feared a circa-1991 Stephanie Tanner from Full House might overtake the floor for an impromptu ABC’s Stars of Dance segment. And then Tom Bergeron and Bob Saget would join her for a rousing song-and-dance rendition of this week’s Surviving Suburbia promo. It could happen! I better stop giving them (such obscenely terrible) ideas.

Oh, hey, it’s Ty Murray showing us how to send a text message. Thanks, Ty!

NEXT: Hidden Gem of the Week

A bunch of you wrote in to say you’d never known Bruno did that ridiculous ”I’m Still Standing” Elton John video Woz mentioned on Monday, and that you couldn’t stop watching it at work. You were not alone. For my mother, the lingering effects persisted well into last night’s results show: ”I’m finding it difficult to even LOOK at Bruno and NOT see him in that thong, prancing on the boardwalk!” she just confessed via email. My immature mom is lucky to have a daughter who focuses on only the most important things on television — for example, how DANCMSTR’s shirt appeared to have been dipped in a vat of melted lemon drops. Some people need to grow up.

Thanks to some of you DANCMSTRs for helping me decide on my favorite Tuesday tradition, the DWTS Hidden Gem of the Week, with your comments yesterday. Maksfan (!!!) suggested Melissa’s face-plant into Tony’s crotch (which was hilarious but not hidden enough to fit my sacred hidden-gem criteria) and a choice Karina moment from the end of the show — the girl with the red bikini was ”smiling and then Tom said goodnight and her face turned to an instant scowl. Priceless (and typical).” Typical indeed, and I’ve been meaning for months to compile an online scrapbook of some of Karina’s most nuanced bitch-faces. Maybe I’ll just write a real book about them. OMG…maybe I’ll write a real book about DWTS. But who would read it?

In the end, commenters Sean and Mary outnumbered Maksfan in an art-reflects-life scenario mirroring last week’s elimination. Kind of. According to Sean, the true hidden gem of Monday night was ”the ’70s hairdo à la Gretchen Mol in Life On Mars on the girl behind Tom all night. WTH?” Reader Mary chimed in a bit later: ”What was up with that hair??? I hope she knows it looked ridiculous.”

I bet she does now!

I love the Life On Mars tie-in. So does ABC!

UPDATE: Carrie Ann’s week 4 blog is now live!

Happy with last night’s eliminations, DANCMSTRS? Comment about it. See you next week!

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