Dancing with the Stars recap: Rumba Bye-Bye!
Annie Barrett sees Carmen Electra Stand on a Chair! A Filler Segment About Costumes! And another Star gets kicked -- literally? -- onto ''Jimmy Kimmel Live''
‘Dancing With the Stars’ recap: Rumba bye-bye
At the end of a crazier-than-usual results show that played out like one of Steve-O’s former wild benders, the former Jackass star ”charmed the ballroom” (aww, Tom) for the last time. It seems DANCMSTR called it on Monday night with his insightful post-rumba comment to Steve-O: ”You cahhhn’t confuse movement with dahhhh-cing.” He and Lacey further clarified this important distinction during a more true-to-Steve-O’s-character interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live! in which Steve-O begged Lacey to kick him in the nuts, twice. (Did anyone catch that last night? I’m surprised Jorge Garcia didn’t sprint away.) We’ll miss you and your suitable-for-primetime self-editing, Steve-O. Though I’ll admit, I am a teensy bit glad we won’t get to see you ”manstruate” while wearing only a leopard print banana hammock during a very special samba. But if it’s between that and more ewwww-mongering footage of Chuck feeling the need to prove to America that his girlfriend turns him on…wait! Steve-O, come back!
After Lil’ Kim and Derek scampered through their encore jailhouse jive, Rascal Flatts swooped in to inspire two of ”our pros” to dance like the wind in the only fashion the wind will apparently allow: barefoot. First up, for the band’s No. 1 country single ”Goodbye,” Tony and Julianne performed what appeared to be a rumba, but on a mild fast-forward setting. (You know, with the two triangles.) If you ever wondered how Tony would look if instructed to spontaneously perform an interpretive dance using one of those giant resistance exercise bands, you need only play back this segment. I love that Julianne has absolutely no fear, but at times like these I worry her head (and God forbid, all the hair) is going to snap off at the end of every thrash sequence. It’s probably fine, though. Tony is totally the type to read the manual before using a new piece of workout equipment. Later on, Artem Chigvintsev, Aliona Vilani, Marky Mark, and a barefoot Chelsie danced to a pretty horrendous (sorry. obsessed with the Beatles) rendition of ”Revolution.” Artem and Aliona (dressed in Julianne’s military paso costume from season 7) represented ”the institu-sha-ah-onn” while Mark and Chelsie were like the rebellious hippies. At least that’s what I gleaned from it after squinting really hard. But let’s not dwell on it. You better free your mind (for Carmen Electra) instead…
I wonder if DANCMSTR found the results show ”a bit too theatrical” for his taste, with the Broadway shriek-and-dance number and Carmen Electra’s appallingly campy take on ”burlesque” later in the hour. The West Side Story performers were cute and fun, even though I couldn’t really relate to them because their costumes featured neither sequins nor fringe. Don’t worry, they came more into focus when they started swishing their billowing skirts up and about to reveal a recessive DWTS costuming gene: tiered ruffles. My mom later emailed to let me know she was extremely upset that their truncated version of ”America” didn’t allow for the only line she got to warble in her own production of West Side Story: ”Or maybe it’s fleas.” (Thanks to the theater majors in the comments section for reminding us that line’s from ”I Feel Pretty” and not ”America.” My mom clearly wasn’t invested enough in her high school musical, probably because she was relegated to the faux-exclusive role of ”special dancer.” Weren’t we all?)
Honestly, that Watch Carmen Electra Stand on a Chair! routine was quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. And that’s a bold statement, considering I’ve been recapping DWTS since season 2! The most horrific part about it wasn’t that Carmen Electra can’t really dance, or that a former Pussycat Doll (Lindsley Allen) dreamt up this vaguely cabaret skit, one that I could probably pull off better than Carmen because at least then the entire debacle would be intentionally bad. It was that we as the audience were supposed to accept Carmen and the Cherry Boom Boom dance troupe accompanying her as legitimate purveyors of burlesque. Not even close! Biggest WTF? moment of the season by a Ty Murray-skidding-across-the-floor landslide.
NEXT PAGE: The Stars are magically transported to Project Runway, a body language class, and your Hidden Gem!
FILLER SEGMENT ABOUT COSTUMES! Someone hold me down and fan my face with rhinestone-encrusted feathers! Next week, the stars will design outfits for their pros, so we got a few glimpses of their master schemes. Zheeeeel wants a strip of yellow gauze across Cheryl’s nipples, though judging by the visual he presented, that might be a decent look for him instead. Ty inexplicably held up a random pair of denim cutoffs. Other highlights included 1.5 seconds of Chuck as a Project Runway sewing machine workerbee, Dr. Lawrence Taylor diagnosing Lady Legwarmer as ”allergic to clothes,” and Lacey complaining ”You better not make me look fat!” with an exposed midriff that almost inspired me to pause the DVR, mosey on up to the screen, and count the ripples on her 12-pack. (I didn’t, of course, as this would have required getting up.) ”It might be the first week our costumes look bad!” warned Ty. No chance, cutie. That was this week.
The rest of the show bottomed out with a lengthy bulletin from the Department of the Obvious, chirpily delivered by body language expert Lillian Glass. The footage selected for each contestant’s physical quirks was hilarious, especially the montage of Melissa’s facial contortions (”we see a lot of lower teeth”). Though well-documented visually, the expert’s script was so heavy-handed and editorialized it was almost laughable. Poor widdle Melissa’s just ”not used to all of the attention!” This is, after all, only her third reality TV show. Lil’ Kim ”wants to see everything, take it all in, breathe it all in” because her mouth is open during a dance? She’s gasping for air, lady! Lawrence puts his hands behind his back and exposes his chest because he’s ”open,” ”he can take it,” and ”he’s a champion”? He’s just too bored to stand any other way. Gilles is ”very humble, looks up, like he’s praying”? Okay, no argument there. He was LITERALLY PRAYING in the featured clip. I totally get it now. I’m gonna be a body language expert! (Actually, maybe I will do a B.L. filler segment of my own for next week, featuring Weepy, Cranky, and Dopey…and Samantha Cottontail, too!)
UPDATE: Carrie Ann Inaba’s week 6 blog is now live on PopWatch!
Hidden Gem of the Week: ”That scary dude standing next to Queen Latifah in the pan to audience. Rather than smiling and applauding like a normal person, dude decided it would be better to creep us all out by looking straight into the camera with a deer-in-headlights expression on his face. Weird.” —Submitted by Goolia
Aggghh! Stop looking at me!
Your other suggestions were hilarious, too. Based on my past three picks, maybe we should limit the Hidden Gems to bizarre audience members so that they’re as random as possible — Wee Girl and Gretchen Mol wannabe were totally out of nowhere as well. Does this yet qualify as a full-fledged fetish? WWBD? (What Would Bruno Do?)
Okay, you better-rested-than-I DANCMSTRs: What’d you think of week 6’s elimination?
Dancing With the Stars