Dancing with the Stars recap: Working for the Week-End

Let’s all take a moment of silence (to immediately be interrupted by Cloris Leachman) for the adorable, devastated, really young-looking Ted McGinley. It’s always tragic when a contestant who’s actually a historian of the show and wants to be there more than anyone comes up short…and a little sparkly…and seemingly surprised that his fan base turned out to be even weaker than Jefferson D’Arcy’s work ethic.

Ted was truly upset, and while many of us think it’s unfair that Kim and Cloris get to stay instead of him, the bottom line is that it’s only week 1. Ted would have gone home within two weeks anyway, and at least now he’ll get to start drinking beers on the couch like one of those men again. You know, all those beer-guzzlin’ alpha males who sit around refusing to take calls during DWTS except during commercial breaks. There’s tons!

Moving on…I do feel a little ”Under Pressure” to maturely discuss Jesse McCartney and the Jonas Brothers. But that seems really daunting right now (not to mention potentially impossible), and it’s been a looooooong three days, so I think I’ll let EW.com commenter Edward voice our collective frustration:

WHY ALL THE CANNED SCREAMING??? The show starts and the screaming starts! You can hardly hear what the hosts are saying. The dancing begins, and SCREAMING! Watch the audience and you won’t see any open mouths! CUT THE OBVIOUSLY CANNED SCREAMING!!!

Edward, I agree — even though your post itself, if dramatized aloud, might best resemble the obviously canned screaming of 10+ Top Model contestants who suddenly come face-to-face with, receive ”mail” from, or even see a ”pho-toh” of Tyra Banks. Indeed, everywhere, the screaming must stop.

Cutie-pie former DWTS pro Ashly DelGrosso Costa reappeared for McCartney’s performance, while Mark and Derek boldly crossed genre lines with a tap routine double-teaming Joe Jonas. Whoa…have Mark and Derek successfully challenged Lacey’s current self-proclaimed title as Most Edgy? Perhaps we should hand out a virtual award each week. The prize: a single clip-on hair extension in the Crayola Bolder color of the winner’s choice.

Adam Carolla’s much-touted results-night extravaganza turned out to be a simple man-on-the-street interview sesh. I wanted to hug the dude in the Hawaiian shirt and straw hat who said, ”My favorite judge is Judy,” but the segment’s winner had to be the guy who, in response to Adam’s incredulous question, ”You don’t know who Cloris Leachman is?” respectfully pointed out, ”I don’t know who you are!” Well played, sir. Ten bajillion dollars says he knows who Kim Kardashian is. Or maybe not. But he’d at least nail the follow-up question: ”Kim Kardashian’s ass?” ”Oh yeah, man, I know that!”

NEXT: Maks phones in

Meanwhile, aside from the grin-worthy-as-usual group pro dance and a filler segment containing the flat-out lie that Lance Bass has never worn more rhinestones in his life, it was a bit of a lackluster results show. Jeffrey Ross and Edyta performed their quickstep; no one cared. Sad smiley. At least Edyta will get to perform in every single pro dance for the rest of the season. I feel like that’s kind of her forte anyway.

Speaking of Cloris, how long before the C&C Muesli Factory really let loose in a huge blowout that will surely inspire some sort of spin-off? I’m thinkin’ Home Shopping Network or QVC. Baubles and Boobles? I wouldn’t necessarily tune in, but I’d quite like to rest assured of its existence.

What do you think, DANCMSTRS? Do you wish poor Ted had a second chance? Were the obviously canned screams coming from inside your house? And which couples have you most psyched about season 7?