Dancing with the Stars recap: Ring Toss
Boxer Floyd Mayweather gets eliminated in an episode featuring a Gloria Estefan no-show, a Wayne Newton comeback, and a Wade Robson whatchamacallit
”Dancing With the Stars” recap: Knocked out
Hey, look who got a crash course in graciousness yesterday afternoon! It’s our latest DWTS reject, Floyd Mayweather. My, but he was pleasant during his exit interview. Did anyone else find it hilariously fitting that Floyd gushed, ”It was marvelous just being here, just to get to this plateau”? I don’t know if he was aware how that sentence came off, but it was cute. Yes, I said it! No need to beat a man while he’s down, especially since he could rip you to shreds in three seconds.
Most people probably expected Mark Cuban to join Floyd in the bottom two, but instead the dishonor went to Mel B., who seemed as shocked and on the verge of tears as I was when I realized I might not get to see Maks attempting to socialize with the Spice Girls. Don’t you feel like Maks probably put out some sort of adult-themed video called Spice World before he knew the Spice Girls existed? It likely involved Russian pepper vodka, a curvy and treacherous bar top, and fire. This would make their collaboration even more special.
Maybe Cuban persuaded all of Texas to vote for him, or maybe people voted for him because they wanted Floyd to go home instead. Either way, Mel didn’t deserve to be at the bottom. That was Scary! But her dances — though well scored — have kind of blended in with all the others for the past few weeks, so she needs to step it up. Perhaps her campaign to enlist the votes of truck drivers nationwide will work out for her. They can call ’em in over the radio, right? Hello? This is where Samantha is supposed to chime in — ”Ab-solutely!” — even though the correct answer is ”No.”
Ugh, did Teri Hatcher’s TV daughter just explain to me what happens when there is too much momentum in a dance? I hope not.
Gloria Estefan couldn’t make it, so the backup singers banded together to re-create ”The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You (Harumph!)” for possibly the most fluorescent exhibition we’ve seen. In electric blue: Maks and Anna! In neon green: Tony and the pro who had to work with Clyde Drexler, Elena Grinenko! On vocals: a cute and not too peppy Jane Krakowski look-alike! This was a lot of fun. I didn’t even miss Gloria! Then again I haven’t, really, since 1989. (I kid! 1992!)
Then the weirdest thing happened. All of a sudden, it was the middle of summer and we were watching an opening number from a So You Think You Can Dance results show. Happy Halloween, everyone! Emmy-winning choreographer (and dancer!) Wade Robson delivered one of his signature magic-show-of-the-living-dead routines. For non-SYTYCD devotees, some perspective: If you Googled “lost in forest at stroke of midnight not scared just euphoric oh but s— there’s a troupe of zombies HOW DO I BLEND IN,” you would probably get a complete YouTube listing of Wade Robson-orchestrated dances. (Don’t try that. Why do you have a computer in the forest anyway, silly?) I personally dug the routine, but mostly because Wade was dancing. Otherwise, it was stuff I’d seen before. Oh, and I really appreciated that Wade took the liberty of painting a red star on his face to remind me that his ”Stars of Dance” performance was sponsored by Macy’s. He can now add Solemn Superhero of Product Placement to his résumé under ”Awards and Distinctions,” right above the Emmy.
NEXT: More performances of the living dead
Wayne Newton grabbed hold of a microphone, and I sincerely wish he had not. Until I saw his mouth moving, I could have sworn that the vocal track was a garbled recording of an incorrectly programmed Wayne Newton robot. That was dying. Underwater. It was so bad! He couldn’t even remember the words to his only famous song. Despite all of that, Drew and Cheryl’s last-minute exhibition was awesome.
By the way, the message-board comments about Sabrina being overweight are getting a bit out of control. I called her Grimace yesterday, but I didn’t call her fat. Sabrina is a perfectly normal-size Oompa-Loompa-shaded person. And for the record, Grimace is an adorable, fry-loving role model who just happens to be chunkers. I would have called Edyta Grimace, too, if she’d worn that awful purple dress (even though she wouldn’t — too much coverage). I’m a little obsessed with Grimace, to be honest. Look for him in my articles wherever purple is sold.
So what did you think of last night’s elimination? Which couples will have the steamiest Latin night next week? And what will break first: Mark Cuban’s lucky streak or his hip?
Dancing With the Stars