Cinderella gets sent home by her evil stepmother, America

By Annie Barrett
Updated November 09, 2011 at 06:17 AM EST
Dancing With The Stars
Credit: ABC

On Tuesday’s season 13, week 8 results show of Dancing With the Stars, former high school cheerleader Nancy Grace and a magical leprechaun named Tristan MacManus were expelled from DANCMSTR’s School of Sequins. Awww. Nancy was probably the worst dancer left, technically speaking, but this is no foon. Tristan has become my favorite of Our Pros! I’ll miss Lucky Charms. I’d like to use a quote from Tristan himself to express how I feel about America’s decision….

“Bah. Bah. Bah.”

That’s how he counted out Nancy’s dances for her during the liiiiiive performances. Thanks to DWTS Radio (WMBT) for picking that up, and for also capturing the way Tristan joined in on the audience’s boo after he and Nancy were announced as “in jeopardy” Tuesday night (along with Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke — “though not necessarily the bottom two”).

Nancy rightly heaped praise on her partner, her family, her fans, and then her partner again. That was awesome. She called him “Tris”! “We can’t be disappointed,” reasoned the most patient person on Planet Mirrorballus. “We’ve always said to each other it’s not about being the best, it’s about doing your best.”

At least “Tris” got to star in his very own Dance Center promo this week, as all three commentators — Kenny Mayne, Jerry Rice, and “the old judge, Len” Goodman — took time out of their busy schedules to rip on him for saying “turd” instead of “third.” I expect to have plenty of sexy dreams in the next few weeks wherein Tristan MacManus suddenly enters the picture and announces, “Ett’s me turd.”

Longest-Lasting Image of the Week

MacManus. Tristan MacManus.

NEXT: Annie’s Top Seh-vehhhhhhhn! Moments of the Results Show

I am loving the “we don’t care, so why should you?” vibe of Dance Center this season. It really takes the pressure off of Kenny, Lenny, and Jerry to be that funny. It was still funny though! My favorite part was the end credits featuring the various forms of Maks’ name as the godlike figure behind the whole operation, and I can’t believe they blatantly called Mark Ballas creepy. Derek and Ricki’s sex simulator segment was over-the-top, but I can actually see all of that footage happening naturally because they’re both such hams. Kenny’s insistence that Hope’s name was Han Solo and Maks-as-Chewbacca were great.

It was pretty weird to see Andrea Bocelli and Flo Rida appear in the same sentence let alone on the same planet! After the “I Am Woman” celebration of sparkly lingerie and the ability to move like a cat that opened up the show, I was hoping for Anna Tre-BUN-skaya and Jonathan to accompany Andrea, but we got the Troupe, instead. Decoys, all of them! That’s probably why Mr. Bocelli and his guest trumpeter rushed off the stage after performing. They were hoping for more BUN, too. “Obviously, they have another appointment,” quipped Tom.


7. “Just be perfect and you’ll be fine.” –Derek to Ricki as she approached their instant jive practice area

6. Kenny Mayne and Jerry Rice’s “assisted high five” by the two halves of the technicolor staircase. Dream hand gesture!

5. “Which one?” –Rob Kardashian, from his perch up on the table while being pestered by one of the judges before his instant jive. I wonder if that’s how Rob’s mom Kris feels when she hears/senses something spooky behind her after all of her son’s performances. Psssst, people. For future reference, it’s always Bruno Tonioli, and it’s always the ghost of Bruce Jenner.

4. Footage suggesting DANCMSTR totally wanted that Maks-hug after his first dance Monday night. He sure did put on a show to get it after the second!

3. The cheeky clip reel of USC mentions by Rob, whose official occupation is “brother of Kim Kardashian,” on Dance Center

2. “Next week’s harder.” –Derek again, to Ricki, who doesn’t think she has what it takes. The “not nearly as creepy” version of Mark Ballas strikes again!

1. “And I thought I was white!” –Tom after witnessing footage of DANCMSTR’s “Nude in the Suburbs” photo shoot for ESPN magazine


HIDDEN GEM CITY (also the name of my wireless network):

When Hope and Maks were picking their song, Tristan looked like a grinning leprechaun perched in in a pot of silver. –Gostivar

Derek’s face as he stood between Jennifer Grey and Ricki Lake. Looked like it could have been an episode of ‘Sister Wives’. –I Dream of Derek

I would like to nominate the bowl of pickles on the Chmerkovskiy family table. Instead of “fly on the wall” can we all start saying ‘I’d like to be the bowl of pickles on that table’? –Katie Lyn

Full heap here: Hidden Gems of Week 8!

Deep breath, everyone. If we close our eyes, Tristan is still there. Because he’s magical!

Nancy after the show: “I prepare for the worst.”

‘Til next week, DANCMSTRs!


Fringe Fairy


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