Voters get it right, Andrea Bocelli and J. Lo perform, Brooke wears a thong neckline, and Maks will return...

By Annie Barrett
April 10, 2013 at 04:52 AM EDT
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D.L. Hughley’s long and miserable ballroom journey continues! Lisa Vanderpump and Gleb Savchenko have been expunged from Planet Mirrorballus on Week 4.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star and proud dog owner — they may have mentioned or shown Giggy just that one time — suffered health issues all week. Lisa fainted during Saturday’s practice; then, according to Gleb, she was in the trailer “vermitting” until a few minutes before their hilariously tepid mess of a Chippendales cha cha cha Monday night.

So basically, Lisa was pooped. Enough’s enough, she said! What’s an older lady that rich dancing around all day for anyway? There is other TV to be made. Priorities, dahling.

Awww. I’ll miss Gleb! He is the smoothest Ken doll. Gleb’s plan, for right now, is to get drunk. (Read more from Gleb and Lisa.)

Return of the Maks! Tom mentioned at the end that next week, the couples must dance alongside returning pros in “Len’s Side-By-Side Challenge.” His highness Maksim Chmerkovskiy will dance with Anna Trebunskaya alongside brother Val and Zendaya. Tristan MacManus, Chelsie Hightower, and Tony Dovolani will also return.

Victor Ortiz and Lindsay Arnold joined Lisa and Gleb in the bottom two, and we found out he’d forgotten to remove his boxing gloves and robe mid-dance (ain’t that always the problem in your standard-issue paso doble?) They bickered backstage; it was kind of boring. Not too many behind-the-scenes gems tonight overall, actually. I liked seeing Andy Dick genuinely gush to Sharna, “You made the most beautiful dance ever” — that was so sweet and simply put.

Andy was sweating hard last night, making the tissue-filled Mirrorbomb even more necessary than it obviously already was as a statement piece of decor. Relax, Dick! He and Sharna avoided the official bottom two after Monday night‘s sob-inducing Viennese waltz dedicated to his daughter.

NEXT: More shame, prompted by J. LoAnd hallelujah, indeed — for Anna Tre-BUN-skaya returned to the ballroom to dance with Val in a stunning accompaniment to Andrea Bocelli and Jennifer Lopez’s duet (yes, really) on “Quizás, Quizás, Quizás,” the original Spanish-language version of “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps”. This was just all-around breathtaking, between the artful zoom-ins on their criss-crossed microphones and the way the singers and dancers mirrored each other’s movements from time to time. I wanted to shout to all my neighbors, who constantly walk by as I’m recapping reality TV and rightfully assume I’m a loser — “LOOK! TURN ON ‘DWTS’ RIGHT NOW AND SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING!” There was just so much class out on that floor. I mean, did you see J. Lo’s gown?

More shame: I’ve been singing “Quizás” to myself since the show ended, but of course I’m singing the lady part, so rather annoyingly it’s like I’m pretending to be J. Lo right now. Ugh. This hasn’t happened since she she wore that white fringed dress on the American Idol finale. Nooooooo! I want to sound like Andrea Bocelli! Why is life so unfair?

Oh. It is most certainly NOT. Brilynn Rakes is a legally blind 17-year-old who learned she had a condition known as “the dancing eyes” and decided to become one of the stretchiest, most exquisitely balanced dancers I have ever seen. Damn! Brilynn got to dance with her fave pro Derek Hough and we all got to sob for the second night in a row, because WOW.

If they really have to remake Dirty Dancing, might we have just found the two leads?

Brilynn: “I tell myself, ‘You can do anything anyone else can do. You just have to do it a bit differently.” Good God! My problems = not problems. Amazing segment. #sparklebarf

Oh and can we talk about the thong on Brooke’s dress?

I like to imagine Tom’s pointing it out in the monitor and they’re all having a laugh about it.

NEXT: The Top 7 (“seh-vehhhhhn!”) moments of the results show

Annie’s Top 7 (“Seh-vehhhhn!“) Results Show Moments for Tuesday, April 9, 2013

7. Bruno’s head writer is a hipster?! Now I’ve seen everything.

6. Peta rocking yet another printed dress — this time, a two-piece! — during her lift bonanza dance with Tony (YAY) during Brad Paisley’s “Southern Comfort Zone”

5. Tom singing to himself while strolling up to the stairs to inform Jacoby and Sean of their safety — because why not?

4. The first of three important announcements from D.L.: “I saved Dancing With the Stars a ton on tan spray.”

3. Val telling Brooke “I don’t feel like it’s fair to single out any pro — they’re all amazing” after he and a three-tiered-fringe Karina won the rights to guide us to a commercial break via a Twitter vote.

2. Thumbs up from David Foster, on piano:

1. The female pros and troupe member’s Sashay Fierce red-fringed reply to one of life’s eternal questions: Who Run the World? Choreographed by Sharna!

*

HIDDEN GEM CITY (also the name of my wireless network):

Karina’s strawberry sundae gown, Aladdin, Jafar, and the guys in charge of painting on poor barefoot Mark’s spats all encourage you to appraise EW.com’s Hidden Gems of Week 4! (Sponsored by Disney.)

XOXO,

Fringe Fairy

Follow @EWAnnieBarrett

Read more:

All ‘DWTS’ recaps on EW.com

‘DWTS’: All Hidden Gems of the Week!

Top 10 ‘Dancing With the Stars’ Pros of All Time — PHOTOS

Tristan MacManus tours the ‘DWTS’ rehearsal space — EXCLUSIVE VIDEO

Annie Barrett’s ‘DWTS’ Facebook page

Episode Recaps

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seasons
  • 28
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  • 03/21/11
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