As you probably picked up from the “what you missed” montage, Heather likes calling herself a student — it’s her identity and it’s shielded her from the challenges of uncertainty that the real world forces onto all of us. And so, when her bursar tells her that she’s basically avoided graduation for as long as possible, Heather’s less than enthused. “Oh God, do I have to sing an inspirational musical theater song right now?” Heather asks before miserably beginning the choreography, complete with overly peppy backup dancers and a second verse that features her as an old lady. “That was a living nightmare,” she says when it’s over.
Back over at the A plot, Rebecca is slandering Josh wildly to the reporter for the Corset (who of course works from home and doesn’t have an office). The point she wants to get across — and she does — is that Josh is a liar, and you can’t believe a word out of his mouth. She’s so egregiously damaged his reputation that by the time Josh meets with his friends at Home Base, they’re all furious with the guy they just read was a racist homophobe who never listened to their podcasts. Josh tries to protest by telling them all of the crazy things Rebecca had done to him, but as he describes them, he sounds, well, crazy. His friends storm out, and Rebecca thinks it’s mission accomplished.
But Josh still has an ace in the hole — the file he was given by Trent, the law school guy obsessed with Rebecca that details her history with Robert, who as you may recall, is not, in fact, her dog but rather the Yale Law School professor she fell in love with and whose apartment she attempted to burn down before being institutionalized. Josh goes to his priest, who calls Paula and brings her down to the office. Rebecca checks Paula’s voicemail, and realizes what’s happening and makes the most Rebecca decision possible: to flee.
But while all of this was happening, Rebecca forgot about her dinner date with Nathaniel, and not even a “Hotline Bling”-parody trip to the zoo could make him forget the sting of her rejection. And, as a few lines of the melody to “Oh My God, I Think I Like You,” play in the background, Nathaniel realizes, oh my God, he thinks he likes her. He rushes to tell Rebecca how he feels while she’s loading up her Louis Vuitton (oh, to be a wealthy lawyer) and while she rebukes him at first, he makes the excellent argument that he has a private jet and can take her anywhere she needs to go. And isn’t Paris better than just driving until your car runs out of gas? Nathaniel sweeps Rebecca off her feet, literally, and for the first time in a long time, she realizes how nice it is to be just taken care of. It even seems like a fairy tale, until you remember that she’s running from the fact that everyone is learning that she was in a mental institution for behavior towards an ex.
Paula bursts through the door, followed by Heather and Valencia, and Darryl. It’s a pre-confrontation cliffhanger, and I can’t wait to see where they go from here.