Rebecca can't do it all herself... but she's going to try.
Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Nathaniel has daddy issues. Rebecca has daddy issues. Valencia’s response to Josh Chan and Rebecca’s rekindled romance was the very appropriate “eh.” Rebecca and Nathaniel had an elevator kiss, so now Josh and Rebecca are getting married in two weeks (which is “insane”).
“They say love makes her crazy / Therefore you can’t call her crazy”
Now that Josh and Rebecca have a wedding date, it’s time to plan the wedding. The show opens quickly, looking like a delivery bomb has gone off in Rebecca (and Heather’s!) apartment. And for good reason, as the delivery guy is here. “Seth Green’s here” is probably your first reaction, which is perfectly understandable. Your second reaction is probably “Oz 4eva,” which is also even more understandable. But the question is why Seth Green’s here, and in this instance, it’s because he’s playing Patrick the delivery guy. And he has to psych himself up to bring deliveries to Rebecca. With this whole “wedding in two weeks” thing, Rebecca is even more on edge than usual — yes, this episode proves that’s very much possible. As such, she can’t even do the usual wedding preparation and try on dresses with her girl squad; she has to order a bunch of dresses online to try them out. Well, “has to.” This is another episode where Rebecca just flat out forgets that money isn’t an infinite resource. Also, Rebecca can’t simply get help from anyone. Not a wedding planner, not her mother, and not even her best friend. (Possibly her fiancé? Nah.)
In fact, don’t expect Rebecca’s mother to help out on the wedding planning front, as she’ll need the time for her face to resettle after all the injections she’s getting in order to prepare for the wedding. And Paula, despite her Matron of Honor designation and the fact that she would love to help Rebecca, has to study for finals. At least in Paula’s case, Rebecca shows progress in her insistence that Paula focus on her law school studies — and Paula shows progress in not trying to railroad her life by getting involved with Rebecca’s full-tilt crazy. Because, oh boy, full-tilt crazy is back in town this week.
Also, speaking of law school, Rebecca’s rivalry with Paula’s law school buddy Sunil is still alive and well. He doesn’t mention (again) that he was a theater major, but his greeting to Rebecca features him calling her “the ingénue beset by tragedy” (to which Rebecca calls him “the plotting understudy just waiting in the wings with a bag of marbles”), so it’s basically the same thing. Geez, get a life, Sunil.
But at least Patrick the delivery guy is here. And Rebecca actually talks to him about things, like how she finds her boss Nathaniel hot (well, “fine”) and how that totally has no bearing on the fact that she moved her wedding up from two years to two weeks from now. That’s sort of healthy, even if it’s not talking to Dr. Akopian. It’s still talking to someone. But Patrick makes it clear he’s no Mama Bunch or Paula or Dr. Akopian replacement: He’s just the delivery guy. And he has so many more packages to deliver to other people.
NEXT: A DIY disaster
“DIY makes it so much easier.” “It’s… the opposite.”
Naturally, as a 21st century woman, Rebecca takes to the internet (and a change of scenery, to Home Base) to solve her wedding woes. A basic search of “How to plan a normal wedding please help.” (yes, she included the period) doesn’t quite provide the results she’s looking for, but Heather’s mention of a “DIY wedding” finally narrows things down for Rebecca. She and Josh are having a DIY wedding; they’re having a Nova Scotian couple named Dustin and Sasha’s DIY wedding, to be more specific. As for whether or not anyone will come to this wedding, Rebecca informs Heather that 50 people have RSVP’d “yes” so far, a pretty good number, honestly. Unfortunately though, as Heather points out, Rebecca’s father is not one of the invitees to RSVP yet. “He never shows up to anything. I only invite him to feel bad about myself,” Rebecca responds, which, ouch.
But with the DIY wedding of Rebecca and Josh (née Dustin and Sasha) now in progress, Rebecca is on the move (which is a lot like Mannequin 2: On The Move… only somehow less manic?) and off to the craft stores. Because this is West Covina, she naturally runs into Valencia, who’s still in a funk. A funk at the point where she actually delivers the saddest line of the episode, which is quite the task: “Oh, I make my own candles so rooms smell like me even when I’m not in them. It’s basically the only reason I teach yoga anymore. So I get to use my own candles.” As far as the cool girl squad goes, this interaction definitely deserves a sad “zig a zow” for its troubles.
“I don’t believe in sick. If it’s not cancer, you come to work. In fact, most cancers are a half day.”
Meanwhile, at work — where Rebecca has grown very comfortable just taking “sick days” off, even after Nathaniel has Paula call her in so he can tell her to stop taking “sick days” off and that she’s not getting paid for this week — Nathaniel continues to try to whip the firm into Ivy League lawyers instead of… the “ragtag inner-city youth” lawyers that they all come across as. But Emilio Estevez or even Keanu Reeves, he is not, especially since his body has chosen the most inopportune time to shut down on him. You see, in his attempt to cleanse his body of last week’s Santa Ana wind-induced indiscretion (as well as that one, “not even… sexy” time Rebecca said, “I never even wash my hands”), Nathaniel concocts a spinach, kale, and other not-fun-ingredients juice for himself. Plus, he’s “packing some extra ounces,” and yeah, we too are wondering if the show will have a Very Special Episode on Nathaniel’s dangerous eating habits anytime soon. But until then, we’ll just have to settle for him getting sick as a result of his homemade remedy
He defecates himself. And not in the fun way. There’s a lot more bathroom humor in this part of the episode than one would expect, especially as Santa Ana winds aftermath. While Rebecca basically takes the “Y” part of “DIY wedding” way more seriously than she should for her mental health, Nathaniel takes the “Y” (you see, the “Y” is “yourself”) in life way more seriously than he physically should. Fortunately for him, though, that’s until Darryl explains the power — the manly power — of slowing things down and taking a nap (through song, of course). So Nathaniel takes a nap.
And his father unfortunately stops by the office, witnesses this form of weakness, and nips that breakthrough in the bud. Or does he?
NEXT: A basketball breakthrough
While Rebecca continue to do this wedding herself, Josh at least has his church basketball coaching to keep him occupied. However, Father Brah (and a fellow, pretty church volunteer named Sarah) wants to make sure that Josh actually has an input in his quickly approaching wedding. “Make sure this wedding is happening with you, not to you.” Wise words from Father Brah, as usual. And guess what? Josh Chan has thoughts, people! He even has ideas for the wedding — like how he wants to wear a “forest green tux” because that’s his favorite color. (Imagine all the thought he must have put into this favorite color choice one day. It would have been amazing.) Or how he wants the music for the wedding to be a Sugar Ray cover band. You know Rachel Bloom would be down for that one:
However, none of those fit with what Dustin and Sasha did for their DIY wedding, so Rebecca Bunch has to veto them. She does, however, let Josh choose a task from the big murder… er… DIY wedding wall. Preferably one of the few choices that doesn’t cost $200 (a lot of Dustin and Sasha’s simple, easy DIY wedding stuff cost $200), which is what leads to him choosing origami. Unfortunately, Josh falls asleep doing origami, leaving Rebecca doing 25 origami cranes over night, a few of which are useless due to all the blood from paper cuts. After that, Rebecca is even more down to do everything by herself, which is especially terrifying because of how long the to-do list for this wedding is.
What follows is Rebecca dumpster- and twig-diving, even managing to still somehow spend money when it comes to the former, all to get closer to (but still so far away from) replicating Dustin and Sasha’s hipster wedding. It’s an unsaid thing in this episode, but come on: Dustin and Sasha are clearly obnoxious Canadian hipsters. Look at the twig chair you can’t sit on! Look at all the mason jars! Paula eventually shows up to witness this week’s mental breakdown and even tries to help Rebecca. Reminding everyone how far she’s come, Paula flat-out suggests Rebecca postpone the wedding, but since Rebecca already has 85 RSVPs for this, she convinces Paula there’s no turning back. And then Rebecca basically sends Paula on a fake errand (for a Costco sheet cake, which everyone loves!) so she can continue her spiral.
By the way, Rebecca’s wedding dress stress can’t even be solved by just wearing her mother’s wedding dress (as Sasha wore her mother’s wedding dress), because the woman set it on fire: “She was five months pregnant when she got married, so she decided to get rid of all her disgusting fat clothes.”
“I need wines. Do you have wines?”
Since Casa Bunch & Davis is DIY wedding ground zero, Heather needs a sanctuary — so she naturally goes to Valencia’s place. But Valencia is still in her funk, and Heather points it out: “Like, I took your yoga class and corpse pose was basically the whole class.” Valencia is thankfully not in sad Charlie Brown mode because she misses Josh. She was honest with her “eh” and in her friendly warnings to Rebecca. But since she planned so much of her life around Josh, now she’s finding herself in a quarter-life crisis. What is her life supposed to be now? She’d go deeper into these feelings, but Heather only came over to avoid emotional spiraling from one of her best friends, not to get some more of that from her other best friend. Plus, Valencia has “wines.” Moving on.
NEXT: Is Rebecca okay?
“I’m not Dustin, and I’m not Sasha. I’m not from Nova Scotia, and I’m freaking out.”
As Valencia is just reaching a turning point, Rebecca is unfortunately about to reach a breaking point. Patrick the delivery guy is back, and he has the poor luck of being around Rebecca when she gets the wedding RSVP from her father: a “no.” With a note: “Stuck on a remote construction site in Alaska. Tough to get flights.” Sure. Patrick wants to leave, but Rebecca pleads with him, as he’s the only one she can talk to. In fact, she even reveals to him that she kissed Nathaniel in the elevator last episode. She then rants to him, wondering why she can’t just stop messing up, why she can’t be a “normal” person. When it comes to Rebecca, “normal” isn’t the immediate reaction one typically has to her. But Rebecca realizes that — she is almost too acutely aware of that — and she wants to know why everyone but her knows how to be “normal.” (Though, if we’re being honest, who on this show is actually an established definition of “normal”? That’s the most normal thing about any of them, really.)
This leads to the musical number “Tell Me I’m Okay, Patrick,” which involves Rebecca in a red dress on top of a piano, Patrick the delivery guy playing the piano — sometimes the positions are switched — and Rebecca trying way too hard to unpack whether or not there’s a manual on being “normal,” and where it could possibly be. Finally, Rebecca tires herself out, leaving Patrick to cover her with a wedding dress (like napping Nathaniel under a suit jacket) as he goes.
So yes, everyone is tired and lost in their lives! That is, until Valencia decides to give Rebecca the wedding book she had planned to use with Josh… well, almost. Valencia actually decides to just plan Rebecca and Josh’s wedding herself, having seen the mess Rebecca made of the whole DIY wedding thing. And just like that, Valencia has a purpose in her life. Also, nothing has ever made more sense than Valencia as a wedding planner. Goodbye, yoga.
Josh, however, doesn’t get the memo until he shows up to surprise Rebecca and put his foot down on the forest green tux decision. He’s immediately greeted by Valencia and her announcement that his wedding plans are now in her hands. And you know what? The forest green tux honestly looks pretty fresh (get it — because forest) on Josh, but with Valencia now in charge, it’s out of the picture. At least we got to see him in it just this once.
“It’s really disturbing how normal you look in that dress.” “I do?! Thank you!”
Surprisingly, despite all the stress and the still very real fact that Rebecca and Josh are rushing into this wedding, “Is Josh Free in Two Weeks?” ends relatively happily for Rebecca. (Perhaps Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is saving the fall for the finale.) After Nathaniel’s failure to impress his father, and an awkwardly blocked conversation with Rebecca about her own father (in one of the brief moments when she actually goes to work), he sends a private plane to retrieve Rebecca’s father for her wedding. (As it turns out, the man wasn’t lying about that whole Alaska thing.) And because of Paula’s secret phone call guilting Mama Bunch into stepping up — Patrick the delivery guy thankfully filled Paula in on Rebecca intel — Rebecca now has a wedding dress. It’s a wedding dress that Heather says actually makes Rebecca look “normal,” which obviously goes a long way, given everything Rebecca goes through here.
And at her wedding shower — beautifully set up by Valencia, of course — Rebecca is able to take stock of what she has. She has friends. She definitely has friends. And no, she doesn’t have to delusionally convince herself of that fact this time, even if the same still can’t be said about her relationship with, and impending wedding to, Josh. Because Rebecca, despite what she may mostly believe, deserves happiness. She may be going about so much of this in the wrong way, but “Is Josh Free in Two Weeks?” certainly serves as a reminder that her belief that she deserves love isn’t wrong — in between all the bathroom humor back at the office. Wow, this episode has some strange tonal shifts.
By the way, as Valencia puts Rebecca and Josh’s wedding site online, stalker Trent now knows they’re getting married. And what do you know — he’s not happy about it. “Over my dead body,” he says, to close the episode. Rebecca may be “crazy,” but Trent is “CRAZY.” That’s on them for not thinking that one through.
- This week’s episode is very light on music cues. “Man Nap” is the first of only two songs in this episode, channeling Van Halen, the power of hair bands (though perhaps not as well as last season’s “Textmergency”), and a little bit of ZZ Top to sell Nathaniel on how nothing’s manlier than a nap. Bears take naps, after all. “Suit jacket is a blanket now / Nap like a man,” Nathaniel.
- “Tell Me I’m Okay, Patrick” is an easy candidate for the list of the most heartbreaking Crazy Ex-Girlfriend songs. As beautiful as the image is of Rebecca lounging on a piano in a red dress, a la Michelle Pfeiffer in The Fabulous Baker Boys (only sadder than it is sexy), it’s betrayed by the crushing desire she has to be, or at least know how to be, “normal.” “You represent the outside world because you don’t know me / Your perception of me is completely pure.” The best touch, however, is Patrick’s reactions to magically being in a musical number — he’s not used to this the way everyone else is.