Rebecca finds herself in hot water after scheming up another way to get close to Josh
After Rebecca’s textastrophe (textmergency?) and subsequent fallout last episode, it was hard to imagine how she’d turn things around to her advantage and win back Josh’s attention. Good thing I didn’t try, because even if I’d have drained a jumbo margarita I couldn’t have cooked up the new scheme that puts her and Josh back together again. Grab a tower of nachos and let’s dive in.
Rebecca is, as usual, panicking. Since Josh walked out of her apartment he’s been MIA — not only in person but across all aspects of social media, which is even more grim. But Paula, who seems even more energized about matchmaking after rekindling her own romance with her husband, has a plan. It involves a smog check (yes, people who live in the midwest, it’s a real thing), a Paula-made ding in Josh’s car, a “chance” meet up, a profuse apology, a pretend boyfriend, and a fake coupon for free drinks and apps at Jalapeño Jacks, which is apparently all it takes for Josh to forget that Rebecca is basically an avatar made of lies.
Over a giant margarita for two, Josh discloses that he hasn’t had hot water in his apartment for weeks, but because he hates conflict (ya don’t say) he hasn’t complained. (Seems random, but trust me, it’s important.) Talk moves quickly to Rebecca’s new “boyfriend,” fellow Harvard alum Trent (a news anchory-looking handsome dude Paula found by Googling), and just when things are starting to feel back to normal, the gang shows up (welcome new members Ken and Beans!). Suddenly, this “date” has turned into the dreaded group hang. Cue the music, it’s time for a musical interlude brought to you by a Shakira wig, lots of brown leather, and nicely executed hip circles in a tribute to “Whenever, Wherever,” right down to the stampeding horses.
When the check comes, everyone has suddenly lost his wallet (sounds about right) and Rebecca is stuck with the $900+ tab (that’s a lot of nachos; I’m looking at you, Beans). When she’s getting her photo taken for the excessive-bill wall of fame (or shame?) she overhears Josh thanking Hector for coming; he’s still a bit freaked out about spending time alone with Rebecca after that whole breaking-into-his-apartment debacle.
Wanting things to just go back to the way they were — you know, back when she could manipulate Josh without him realizing it — Rebecca comes up with a plan (thanks in part to her partner-slash-silent-partners-in-crime Paula and Mrs. Hernandez, who happily makes more appearances this episode). After overhearing a colleague complain about how much time he has to spend with his client, Rebecca decides to come up with a case she can work on with Josh so they’re forced to be together. Romance is real, y’all. Ruling out dousing him with scalding coffee and mystery tumors due to radiation, Rebecca remembers the hot water: not the pool she’s typically swimming in, but the lack of it in Josh’s apartment.
Meanwhile, Darryl has decided to hire White Josh to be his trainer. He can’t forget that cheek kiss the stud gave him a few weeks ago and needs to get some answers. When White Josh casually drops the bomb that he’s gay, Darryl is shocked, but even more so after learning what White Josh thinks of him.
Darryl: Maybe your nickname should be Gay Josh instead of White Josh because then people would know what’s up!
White Josh: Why? We don’t call Greg “Straight Greg.” We don’t call you “Old Gay Darryl.”
Darryl is flustered and totally confused. After trying to convince White Josh that he’s straight (but not doing a very good job of it) he later fires him as his trainer and takes a cardio class where he’s equally as turned on by the men’s butts as the women’s. It’s okay, Darryl, I think we all were.
NEXT: Ya got trouble, my friend, right here in West Covina
Back at Whitefeather & Associates, Rebecca and Paula are trying to convince Josh and Valencia to sue their landlord for back rent, but since Valencia isn’t on the lease it’s really only Josh’s decision (well played, Becs). However, Valencia won’t let Josh sign; she’s on to Rebecca and lets her know. “I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you, which is not far because you eat bagels after 8 p.m.,” she tells her. Hold on. There are people who don’t eat bagels after 8 p.m.?
But later, Josh is reconsidering. He wants to buy a hover board. And a stock… maybe two. Greg, however, won’t hear of it. He’s still skeptical of Rebecca’s motives, especially after that whole rock/glass/fondue scenario last episode. And even more especially after Josh tells him about new boyfriend Trent, which Greg immediately knows is just another one of Rebecca’s schemes.
After a long night searching for another case and Googling mixed-race babies, Rebecca finally finds a tax loophole (or something like that). Regardless of what the loophole was, Rebecca, Darryl, and Paula hightail it to Josh’s apartment to convince him to get his whole building to sue the landlord. But Greg and Valencia are the only ones doing any convincing on Josh, and they persuade him to walk away.
But a little roadblock didn’t stop Harold Hill, and as we all know, it won’t stop Rebecca. Turning the apartment complex into her own River City, Rebecca marches around to all the residents, convincing them in peppy, rapid-fire tune that they’ve got trouble (with a capital T, my friend). No hot water? Next thing you know your kids will be on crack! Not surprisingly, everyone grabs an instrument… er, contract… and is on board with Rebecca, Josh included. (I hope the writers know that the joy they clearly got from penning that tune was equal to the joy it brought all of us musical theater fans who were geeking out on this side of the screen!)
Several cozy dinners in the conference room later, Rebecca gets a call that Josh’s landlord wants to settle — for ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Darryl, Paula, and Josh encourage her to take it, but knowing settling will mean less Josh time, Rebecca turns it down. Skeptical of the landlord’s motives for a quick settle, however, Rebecca remembers seeing a flyer at Jalapeño Jacks (seems like such a long time ago, doesn’t it?) about the myth of the California drought and heads off to find the man who wrote it.
Bert, a disgruntled ex-utilities employee, takes Darryl and Rebecca down into the sewers and points out that a group of utility workers is working with local landlords and diverting water toward Los Angeles (or something like that — I was still chuckling at Darryl’s description of the manhole being like a vagina and got a little lost). There’s some brilliant metaphors between the pipes and Darryl’s sexuality, and in the end Rebecca discovers that the entire valley is being exploited by a corporation worth billions, which means they can sue for billions, which means a LOT more dinners for Rebecca and Josh without the threat of a group hang.
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Rebecca runs to Josh’s apartment to tell him the good news, but Josh and Valencia have a surprise of their own for her: fake boyfriend, Trent. After a split second of looking shocked, Rebecca runs to him and kisses him — like she means it — over and over so he can’t say anything. I wonder how long she can keep it up?
Also doing some kissing? Darryl, who, after realizing that he’s “both sexual,” runs to White Josh and plants a big mustached kiss on him.
Will Rebecca ever stop kissing Trent? Will he blow Rebecca’s cover? Will Josh continue to be Rebecca’s client? Will the case make them all billionaires? Will Darryl and White Josh become this show’s best ship? Stay tuned and pack your bags, because since next week’s episode is titled “Josh and I Go To Los Angeles!” I’m guessing this story line is — happily — far from over.