Everybody says 'I love you' -- except the guy who ate the oyster stuffing -- at Jules' romantic Thanksgiving
Cougar Town Bobby
Credit: Mitch Haddad/ABC

Welcome back to Regretfully, We Give You Cougar Town! In “When the Time Comes,” Jules hosted Thanksgiving for the Cul de Sac Crew. Travis’ college roommate Kevin subbed in for Baby Stan, who must be spending the holiday with his real family. (He’s the luckiest bear in Care-a-Lot. Ugh, jealous!) It was going to be a cozy affair, but suddenly Jules told Grayson “I love you” in the supermarket. It just slipped out, like a soda burp! His response: “THANK YOU.” What is this, The O.C.? (Sometimes!) And then to add insult to injury, Grayson continued: “Still gotta get some yams, right?”

New plan, Jules announced: “I want you to look swanky!” It would now be the Most Romantic Thanksgiving Ever. Maybe that would get Grayson in the mood to share his feelings and say exactly what she wanted. Jules floated around the house lighting twelve billion candles and breaking out the boot-knocking grooves of Teddy Pendergrass. (If you pretend hard enough, “I wanna make sweet love to you” can sound like “Eating turkey.”) Laurie went into Katy Perry-at-the-MTV-Movie-Awards mode, pulling out all of her A-list outfits. Meanwhile, Bobby was hurt that everyone in the Crew had trouble understanding him when he talked quickly, quietly, or at all. They had a point. When he tried to order a Caramel Macchiato at the coffee shop, it came out “Ehr-mul mock.” Then again, that’s a hell of a less pretentious way to order one of those. We should all follow suit!

Laurie and Ellie, infused with the spirit of Thanksgiving, decided to team up to tear down eternally optimistic Andy. Ellie swiped his wedding ring, which must have been difficult with all the knuckle hair, but she’s a pro. The ladies tried to get him to worry about it all day, but Andy just doesn’t see the point. “Got a great job, hot wife, Bobby. Everything goes my way,” he claimed. Ha! Bobby! High on life and plant fumes, Andy even stepped in to thwart Jules from heading over to Grayson’s to get him to finish their conversation after they’d shared yet another romantic moment vomiting together in her bathroom. Grayson, cloaked in a heavy shroud of disease and secrecy, assured Jules at the dinner table that he felt lucky to have found her. He’s just not as open and quick with his feelings, and a profession of love might take some time. “I love you,” Jules replied (confidently, I might add — loved it!), and encouraged him to take as much time as he needed. “Not too much time, right?” “I wouldn’t.” Ha! So sweet.

Remember, everyone: Next time you’re inclined to stress out….

The phone come back

Life is good

The scalp got rubbed

By a Chinese dude.


Side note: Interested in more details on Big Carl vs. the dearly departed Big Joe? My colleague Mandi Bierly, the executive editor of EW’s esteemed Wine Department (we’re just down the hall from Books and Movies, blitzed out of our minds, bloggin’ it out), got a closer look at the two gentlemen courtesy of Cougar Town‘s prop master John Ornelas. “I think it was meant to hold a candle,” he said about Big Carl. “Both glasses hold about the same amount [44 oz, or 5½ cups of wine], but Carl is bulkier and taller, so it looks like it holds more.” Um, don’t you mean it looks like he holds more? Click here for more Wine Scoop.

NEXT: The episode’s 10 best quotes/moments!

The tag on last night’s episode, when they were all playing a variation on Pictionary directed by Kevin and Bobby, really made me want to go home and play board games with all of the Chicago-based friends I won’t be seeing this year at Thanksgiving. Our favorite is Catchphrase, but it always takes us about seven tries, including words that make no sense (like Kaput or Gadzooks) to remember the name.

Oh, well — there’s always Christmas! At least I’ve got Cougar Town and wine! There’s a nearly spherical pink glass vase I’ve been using for my post-recap-writing wine rewards lately. Any suggestions on a name? Here’s a pic of the stout and sassy gentleman. I’m thinking of just keeping it simple with Big Gem. Or should I class it up for the holidays and go with Big Bowling Pin on the right? Decisions!

If it looks like I live in Murky Dismal’s cave, that’s because I do.

My Top 10 quotes and moments of the episode:

10. “Don’t tell me that turkeys don’t cry.” –Laurie, whose family had to kill little turkey orphans every year. No wonder she stays Cobbside.

9. “I can’t help it. It’s like hugging a sofa!” –Jules, who smothers loved ones (and their ex-wives) with stab-me-with-your-pelvic-bone hugs, to Kevin

8. “What’s a burka?” –Laury Perry, a huge fan of Far Eastern culture, while wearing sort-of-a-burka

7. “Not now, Golden Girl.” –Laurie to Ellie, who was too legit to quit mocking her

6. The App app: “When you shake it, Zach Braff tells you what appetizer to order.” –Laurie, also an enthusiast of Death Row Tracker (because they should all burn in hell) and Virtual Horse

5. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” –Jules to Grayson’s ex-wife Vivian, after Vivian said Grayson always did like to watch her jog

4. “Big Maria and Little Maria and Wheelchair Maria all say hi. Dear God, I hate your family.” –Ellie to Andy

3. “Check my undies….gotcha!” –Laurie, as Ellie frisked her for Andy’s ring

2. “In our bodies.” –Ellie’s answer to Andy’s “Where should I put this wine?”

1. “I feel stupid in this dress” –Jules, after putting her lantern full of wine back on the table

Bonus gems: Ellie’s many suicides (how many times has she died now?), Bobby’s hearty whack of Travis’ butt/thigh region after Bobby finally figured out how to swallow the invisible key, Laurie’s suggestion of “Galapagos Islands” during Kevin and Bobby’s Pictionary spoof, and the way everyone agreed “No point no point no point” after the round was deemed a wash on account of gibberish. They’ll be there all night!

Ready to gobble up so much oyster stuffing that a soft, fleecy blanket will hurt? (Those blankets do hurt when you’re sick, and it’s so tragic!) Discuss this week’s Cougar Town below!

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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