Laurie rebounds from her breakup with Smith, while Bobby ruins golf
Welcome back to “100% cougar free” Cougar Town! In “Keeping Me Alive,” Andy and Grayson watched Laurie fall into the dreaded “Dump ‘n’ Bump” phase with Smith and provided a safety cushion for her inevitable crash with a genius Good Will Hunting setup. “It’s not your fault,” Andy kept repeating in a botched Boston accent until Laurie finally broke down. I love how Grayson, formerly a begrudging member of the Cul de Sac Crew, now only shudders at its admittedly lame name. He has so beautifully assimilated into the having-friends zone. “I wouldn’t trade this group for anything,” he told Laurie. “We all take care of each other.”
Sing it with me: “Penny-Caaaaan!” The women spiced up the Most Boring Game (according to one of Jules’ arbitrary lists) by adding an element of Ellie’s specialty, harsh truth. As soon as Bobby missed, she brutally asked him if taking alimony from Jules felt “more like stealing or more like putting your pride in a burlap sack and throwing it off a bridge.” Whoa, Pennycan just got real, y’all! Temporary solution: Jules gave Bobby a job at the real estate office I had forgotten existed. This way, he’d be under her health insurance and might even get to stop selling Travis’ sperm. (Dog Travis.) Jules put Bobby in charge of sharpening pencils, even though a much better idea would have been to have Bobby “make the bathroom less Chinese” for some prospective beachfront clients. They were his people! Alas, the woman was not the man’s mother. He “roined” it.
My Top 10 quotes and moments of the episode:
10. Andy making a bowtie out of paper napkins before Jules stomped in to announce that if he took Bobby to the doctor, she would take off his whistle and feed it to a bird
9. Grayson and Andy scooting over from the kitchen after Jules told Ellie she was “sick of her smarty-pants attitude” (condescension)
8. “Who cares? It’s free.” –Travis explaining to Andy what was in the You’re Hooking Up With My Mom Hamburger at the Preppy Murderer’s bar
7. “Really? Right to the disposing of the body?” –Smith, having just been surprise-kicked by Laurie in a manner strikingly similar to the one Smith’s father Roger had used to pretend to kick her to the curb
6. “They don’t have beaches on not-islands.” –Poor, vajazzled Laurie, who used to have to trade kisses for milk money
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5. “I hate documentaries. They’re too preachy and you can’t clap when someone dies because it’s real.” –esteemed Project Runway blogger Ellie
4. “Let’s get this party bumpin‘ … I hate myself.” –Jules a.k.a. “the lady from the can,” who goes down smooth
3. “Oh, good. I am wearing trunks.” –Bobby, who may have ruined golf
2. Ellie’s “backboard” shot off Travis’ hand — much better than Travis smashing a wine glass with his no-look penny shot. Thankfully, the glass was not Big Joe. [Crosses self]
1. Andy’s game show host voice: “What. Are. BONDS?!”
Which words can you not pronounce, Cougar Town fans? (I have trouble with the k sound in ‘picture’ and always end up saying ‘pitcher’…possibly because I constantly have margaritas on the mind due to the last book I read.)
Were any of my favorite moments yours, too? Is it macho to call yourself macho? And is Andy more or less than a rhinestone collar away from actually being Ellie’s lapdog? Discuss last night’s Cougar Town below!
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett
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