Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Part 3 binge recap: Episodes 1-8
It’s been more than nine months since we last received episodes of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, but time works differently within the show. For this teenage witch, it’s only been a month since she defeated her father, Dark Lord Lucifer Morningstar; caged him in the human prison that is now her boyfriend Nicholas Scratch, and allowed Lilith to take the throne of Hell and drag Nick down to her domain of torment for safekeeping. It’s a time warp, which is appropriate for what comes next.
Part 3, which premieres today on Netflix, finds Sabrina settling into its own skin, much like how sister from another mister Riverdale on The CW leaned into the soapy absurdity of horny teens and turned into ridiculous fun. Sabrina is also about horny teens, except they are all sexually fluid horny witches with supernatural powers, which means their idea of ridiculous fun involves psychic man-on-man wrestling, time-traveling, sword-swinging in tartan kilts at Loch Ness, and a little 50 Shades thrown in for good measure. It’s like Riverdale on absinthe.
Episode 21: “The Hellbound Heart”
As Zelda works to reconstitute the Academy as its new directrix and the Church of Night as its new high priestess, Sabrina has been sneaking into the mines every day since to try to open the gates of Hell to free Nick. It’s Mrs. Wardwell’s return — the real Mrs. Wardwell with no memory of the past few months — that gives her an idea: she’ll use one of Dorian Grey’s paintings that double as portals to Hell. Dorian is also having his first bout of acne in forever, so he allows her to do so for a price. There’s a rare flower that only grows in Hell and will throw you in a dead sleep if pricked by its thorns. It also could maybe clear up his face. So, Sabrina gathers the Fright Club — Harvey, Roz, and Theo — who have started their own band probably because the kids on Riverdale did it so they get to too, darn it. They arrive on the Shores of Sorrow, a beach where souls are caged above the water and drown every day as the tide rolls in. There they meet Caliban, our first new thirst trap on this season, who directs them to follow and never stray from the red road of blood that will lead them to the city of Pandemonium, where Lilith resides.
Of course, they stray. Obviously they stray. Theo sees her uncle’s soul crucified as a scarecrow in the Field of Witness, where crows come to peg his eyes out. Anticlimactically, nothing bad happens. Sabrina casts a spell to protect him for a bit and off they go to the Forest of Torment, where Lilith’s woodsman — a demented Tin Man that continues this Wizard of Oz homage — attacks them and makes Harvey believe he’s the soul of his damned brother. The next stop is a hellish nightmare version of Baxter High where a blade-tipped Principal Hawthorne nearly kills them, but Lilith changes her mind. The Kings of Hell have returned and won’t recognize her authority as Queen of Hell, so she gives Sabrina Nick in exchange for publicly crowning her. The Kings aren’t having it and instead nominate Caliban for the throne since he was molded from the clay in Hell. After a quick psychic pep talk from her demon dad, who warns her the Old Ones are coming for Greendale with Hell in disorder, Sabrina instead claims the throne for herself and appoints Lilith her regent. Returning to earth, she stashes Nick’s body in the dungeons of the Academy, chaining him in Damascus metal and surrounding him with salt so the Devil can’t escape. That’s when the Old Ones officially roll into town.
In other news:
- Riverdale cameo alert! Prudence and Ambrose have been on the hunt for Father Blackwood. In New Orleans, they used glamour to lure him to an empty apartment. It didn’t work. It turned out they lured one of his acolytes glamoured to look like Blackwood. But it did provide a cameo appearance from Nathalie Boltt, who plays Cheryl’s mom Penelope Blossom on Riverdale. Boltt played Prudence’s glamoured disguise.
- Prudence and Ambrose enlist the aid of a voodoo priestess who gives them a spell to locate Blackwood, who is in Loch Ness, Scotland.
- Zelda and Hilda have to think fast when it’s Blackwood’s turn to meet with the witches Council and he’s not there. Hilda glamours herself into Blackwood and learns that the warlocks have experienced a slight weakness in potency that they can’t account for.
Witches gone wild, ranked:
- As a flesh Acheron cage, Nick constantly wrestles with his inner demon… literally. Although, this time it involves a lot less shirts and a lot more oil.
- Prudence and Ambrose are out here to question why witches and warlocks would want to practice anything other than sex magic ever for all spells ever.
- Baby Yoda, Baby Groot, now Baby Matthew McConaughey (a.k.a. Caliban), who builds sandcastles on the beach and still hasn’t fixed the buttons on his white linen shirts.
Episode 22: “Drag Me to Hell”
Sabrina searches for another body so she can expel Lucifer from Nick, but her duties as Queen of Hell keep her busy. She has to deliver souls to Hell, those who’ve struck Faustian deals in the past and must now pay. She first meets a sweet old man and decides to send him to Heaven instead, but it turns out to be a test from the Kings of Hell to see if she’s capable of fulfilling her duties to the throne. Lilith promises Sabrina won’t fail the second time, but the teen is convinced she can just decide who deserves to be damned on a case-by-case basis. The next she really wants to torture, though: Jimmy Platt seems like the friendly ice cream truck driver, but he’s been sacrificing children to Satan to give himself seven more years of life. If Sabrina won’t let him go, he won’t say where the girl he snatched is being kept and she’ll starve to death. Sabrina and pals race to find her location, but ends up being trapped inside a magically warded freezer with the girl and left to freeze. Lilith tracks her down and frees her, allowing Sabrina to save the girl and take her revenge. Sabrina still gets in trouble with her aunties when they find out she brought Nick back from Hell. Earlier in the episode, their niece absentmindedly smudged the salt circle, allowing Lucifer to play mind tricks on the coven for forsaking him and praying to Lilith. Fortunately, they have a new body to trap him in. Prudence and Ambrose teleport into the manor with a grizzled Blackwood, who looks like he just came from Castaway reboot auditions. The witches tracked him to Loch Ness, where he’s been experimenting with temporal magicks. Months of preparation along the Earth’s Ley lines passed like weeks to the outside world. They catch him trying to sacrifice his other children, Judas and Judith — now full-grown teenagers because of time and such — to a Creature-From-the-Black-Lagoon-looking-mother-monster in order to get his giant embryo. So, they knock him out and bring him back to Ambrose’s aunties.
In other news:
- Riverdale connection! Actor Matty Finochio plays Jimmy on Sabrina and he’s also set to appear on Riverdale as the host of the Quiz Show Championship in the Jan. 29th episode.
- Judas and Judith are placed under a Living Doll Spell, which allows them to reside within a dollhouse indefinitely for their protection.
- Blackwood can’t stop chatting about the “Eldritch Terrors,” which he claims are even more dangerous than the return of the Old Ones. You can tell Lucifer is already done with his new roommate.
Witches gone wild, ranked:
- Lucifer-possessed Nick: “Call me daddy.” Yes, daddy.
- Lilith glaring at cheerleaders = mood.
- Yasss to Prudence and her tartan kilt. When in Loch Ness…
- A witch has a conversation through a pinwheel. A pinwheel!
- Yasss to “magick” as a noun and verb.
- Sabrina’s demonic “muscle” is the Mad Max crossover we didn’t know we needed.
- Love how Roz’s job during the Jimmy confrontation is to be the “distraction,” but she just joins the other cheerleaders to perform during the pep rally that was already scheduled to happen. It’s cool, you don’t need an excuse to sing “Tri-kay” cover of Run-D.M.C.
- Don’t think we missed Prudence’s eggs-ellent quip.
Episode 23: “Heavy Is the Crown”
The Old Ones are open for business. A mysterious carnival popped into Greendale overnight and something’s up. The Cunning allows Roz to see the ringmaster as a satyr. The new kid at Baxter High, Robin, is also a member of the carnival. He’s warming up to Theo, while the snake charmer is hooking up with Harvey’s dad, leading to an awkward morning-after breakfast around the kitchen table. But more on that later. Nick is suffering from PTSD and is looking to drown his trauma from being tortured in Hell with a little absinthe and BDSN (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and Nick). Sabrina, once again, finds herself torn between her personal life and her Queen of Hell after-school job. Caliban formally challenges Sabrina for the throne, which entails both of them retrieving the Unholy Regalia, the three most powerful occult artifacts. The first is Hell’s Crown, a.k.a. the Crown of Herod, which offers up a fun look at the Blossom family history. (Riverdale crossover!) Turns out the Blossoms’ maple syrup empire is built on the cursed object. One of Cheryl’s ancestors, Benjamin Blossom, found Hell’s Crown and brought it back to Riverdale, where Sabrina and Ambrose find it inside a tree trunk. But laying hands on the crown summons its guardian, a decaying Herod himself. While Ambrose is tinkering away at home, using the crown to magically charge up wands, Herod attacks and tracks down Sabrina at the carnival with Nick. They are able to defeat Herod, thanks to Ambrose’s new wand, but Caliban pops in during the chaos to make a getaway with the crown. In the aftermath, Nick goes to live at the Academy for a while, but there’s still something going on with the carnival. They are plotting to sacrifice a virgin. Harvey, Roz, or Mrs. Wardwell will do. Then they plant a flower in the ground, pour fresh human blood on it, and pray for the Green One to rise again. Fun times!
In other news:
- A bug — this time some sort of flu or virus and not an actual bug — is going around the coven.
- Ambrose is promoted to the Academy’s librarian, while Prudence is promoted to prefect.
- Dr. Cee proposes to Hilda, begging questions like, what the Hell does a witch wedding entail?
- Theo comes out to Robin as trans and he still loves them. We ship it.
Witches gone wild, ranked:
- Fifty Shades of Nick.
- May Hilda have a long career as witch romance novelist Helga Stillwell. Let this start a new wave of trashy fan-fiction.
- Dorian’s shade room is open again: “You’re looking a tad… What’s the word? Busted, dear Nick.”
Episode 24: “The Hare Moon”
It’s the carnies vs. the coven. The problem is, the coven is at a disadvantage. Zelda and the gang realize their powers are waning. It probably has something to do with the fact that they trapped the Dark Lord from whom they draw their power. Soon, all their magic will be depleted. Adding to the headache is that Lucifer revealed Sabrina’s newfound status as Queen of Hell to her aunties and they are pissed. Apparently, there’s some complicated reason why they can’t just pray to Sabrina to replenish their powers. Semantics! However, they realize their witchly powers don’t come from Lucifer because he’s damned, they come from Lucifer because he’s divine. So, they must find another angel to drink their blood. There’s one leftover from that time they invaded the Church of Night. But Sabrina leaves Dorian alone with the angel while its blood is drained and he drinks everything except for a small vial. Hilda doesn’t see this as an end-all-be-all situation. She says if they mix the blood with certain oils and bathe in the light of the Hare Moon, it will have the same effect. Gathering in the woods for the ceremony, the coven runs into the Old Ones, who by now we’re understanding are beings from ancient Greek mythology. The snake charmer is really a gorgon, and she turned Roz to stone when Harvey wanted to investigate the carnival. Robin’s full name is Robin Goodfellow, which is the name of the pesky sprite from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Then there’s Circe, who, like the witch from Homer’s The Odyssey, has the power to transform people into animals. Zelda mistakes them for pagan witches looking for a spot to celebrate Ostara with their creepy Pet Sematary masks. The Old Ones soon realize the witches are losing their magic and the Satan worshippers are already ticking them off after a misunderstanding with a snake and a spider. Circe hexes Hilda, the satyr curses Agatha with madness when she finds herself alone in the woods, and the gorgon later turns Dorcas to stone. At night, when the coven tries to rejuvenate their magicks, the Old Ones cast a spell to block out the moon, leaving the witches with little defenses. They retreat to the Academy, but the Old Ones follow. They give the coven an ultimatum, bow to their gods in three days time or be sacrificed to their gods. With seemingly no choice, Sabrina goes to free Lucifer from the dungeons, but he’s already gone. Nick had gone down earlier to beat his aggression out, but Lucifer offered him more mystic drugs to numb his pain in exchange for freedom. Sabrina finds Nick lying on the ground, choking on ooze that pours from his mouth.
In other news:
- Sabrina finds out Nick is a total freak in the sheets and a drug addict. So, yeah, the jig is up.
- Ms. Wardwell is going through a crisis. She doesn’t remember what happened to her and now a woman is coming up to thank her for bringing her daughter home. (It was Lilith in disguise.)
Witches gone wild, ranked:
- The coven’s cover of “The Song of Purple Summer” from Spring Awakening to awaken nature is a bit on the nose, but glad to see even witches are Broadway fans.
- “I’ll ask Lilith. She knows all the T.” Lilith indeed has all the T, Sabrina.
Episode 25: “The Devil Within”
With Nick being such a hazard, it’s time for witch rehab. Ambrose uses the giant egg’s temporal magic to put Nick through a 30-day detox in a day’s time. Sabrina can now figure out a way to combat the pagans. Oh wait, no she can’t. She has to perform the second task: finding Pontius Pilate’s bowl at Golgotha, which is stuck in a time loop. Lilith brings Sabrina before the Kings, Caliban, and the entire coven, so that they too know what’s at stake. Sabrina tries to wiggle out of it, but Lilith says the whole reason the coven doesn’t have power is that there’s unbalance in Hell because Sabrina isn’t dedicating her whole self to the throne. So, taking time-altering water from the egg, she heads to Golgotha. Promptly, she gets captured and caged by Pontius Pilate himself. Luckily, Caliban has also been captured. Unluckily, everything else is a mess. Circe’s spell is turning Hilda into a spider woman, Prudence uses her telepathic abilities to go inside Agatha’s manic mind and discovers she was driven mad by the gaze of the god Pan, and Satan is playing master manipulator. First, Lucifer came to two teen witches in the coven and told them to pledge allegiance to the Old Ones and their gods. That only led to the pagans killing one and allowing the other to spread the word of what happened. Next, the Dark Lord whispered in Harvey’s ear, compelling him to take a bunch of Baxter High jocks and wreck the carnival. It ends with Harvey watching as Circe transforms his friends into pigs. Ambrose devises a plot to use powerful stone configurations in Greendale to amplify what little magic they have in order to send a signal out to wayward hedge witches asking for help. Unbeknownst to them, Lucifer also released Agatha from her restraints and handed her a mallet to destroy the stones. Back at Golgotha, Sabrina comes up with a way to retrieve the bowl with help from Caliban, whom she shames into acting like a good person for once. The behavior isn’t rewarded, though, and she leaves him to escape the time loop. When she returns to Hell to deliver the relic, Caliban shows up, revealing he escaped the time loop by turning to clay and hanging out for thousands of years. That means to the victor of the next rounds goes the spoils. As for everyone else not competing to rule Hell, the coven’s spell worked. Various witches arrive at the Academy, some we know (like Gryla) and some we don’t (like Pesta).
In other news:
- The detox didn’t initially work on Nick. That’s because the Dark Lord’s essence still resides within him. Ambrose and Sabrina lure it out of his body using Sabrina’s blood. Ambrose then hopes to harness the essence some way to refuel the coven, perhaps. Also, Nick and Sabrina broke up. Sad face emoji.
- Sabrina informs Lilith that Satan is loose and she… does not take it well.
Episode 26: “All of Them Witches”
After some brief discord, the summoned witches, including Gryla, the witch of disease Pesta, river witch Sycorax, and Mambo Marie agree to listen to Zelda, who proposes they make a new coven with the hedge witches. Elsewhere, Harvey, Theo, and Sabrina are learning more about what’s at stake from Robin, who says the Old Ones want to resurrect their gods, starting with The Green Man, the oldest of them all. Then, Caliban arrives, not to drag Sabrina back for the third challenge of the Regalia, but to propose they get married and rule Hell together. As a gesture, he offers up the Pygmalion spell to restore Roz to her original form. Too bad the gorgon has been lurking around Harvey’s garage and shatters her statue. They’re able to glue her back together with a special salve procured by Caliban, but then another risk emerges as Caliban reveals the full cost of using the Pygmalion spell: for it to work, Harvey has to give up his love for Roz to the goddess Aphrodite. Harvey reluctantly does so, but it doesn’t work, proving Roz is not his heart’s true desire. Aphrodite won’t accept anything but that. Are Sabrina and Harvey getting back together now that Nick is out of the picture? No time to muse about that because Robin has a fix: kidnap Circe and make her transform Roz back. Sabrina gets the hedge witches wasted and convinces them to channel their powers into her so she can rampage through the carnival. Sabrina is able to teleport Circe back to the Academy and forces her to change back Roz, Dorcas, and the jocks. With everyone back to normal, Sabrina goes home and casts a spell to remove her love for Harvey, the one Prudence suggested using for Nick. Sabrina doesn’t want to hurt Harvey or Roz by falling for her ex again.
That’s when another tragedy strikes. Zelda’s been shot. After she refused to let Lilith hide at the Spellman home from Lucifer, the demoness transformed into Adam and hid at Ms. Wardwell’s. Lucifer, in Blackwood’s form, figured it out and convinced Wardwell to flee with the knowledge that witches are living in Greendale and that the Spellmans are among their ranks. Meanwhile, Hilda called Zelda to meet her at Cerberus Books. She cast a glamour on herself so she could spend her final moments as a human with Dr. Cee, but it wore off and she attacked her fiancé. She asked Zelda to shoot her dead and she obliges, but then takes her sister home to be resurrected in the Cain pit. Wardwell watches her do this and then shoots Zelda on at her doorstep.
In other news:
- Riverdale crossover! Pop’s Diner gets a callout, though it’s not mentioned by name. To ease her torment about becoming a spider, Hilda asks Dr. Cee to go to that spot in Riverdale with “the juiciest hamburgers and the thickest milkshakes.” That can only mean Pop’s, which also gives us an idea as to the timeline of when Sabrina takes place in relation to Riverdale. In another moment, a member of Riverdale’s Southside Serpents arrives at Cerberus Books looking for food and is eaten by Spider-Hilda.
Witches gone wild, ranked:
- The prospect of Zelda and Mambo Marie as the next witch power couple is too much to handle.
- After Hilda and Dr. Cee’s duet, we’re starting the petition now to have Sabrina do a full-on musical episode of Sweeney Todd songs.
- 1996: Let’s get drunk and call the corners. 2020: Let’s get drunk and magically raid a carnival.
- Lumberjack Harvey: “We could do this the easy way or we could do this the Zero Dark Thirty way.”
Episode 27: “The Judas Kiss”
A member of the Spellman family is going today, maybe even more than one. That is, according to the wailing banshee who showed up at their house. Mambo Marie was able to operate on Zelda, but her spirit wandered into the nether realms and they have to wait until she returns to her body. Hilda is there, too. Without the proper amount of magical energies, she may never resurrect from the Cain pit. Lucifer is also on the loose and instead of setting his sights on Lilith — she saved herself by having sex with Blackwood and becoming pregnant with Lucifer’s son — he’s now focused on dealing with what Hell Sabrina wrought in, well, Hell. Blackwood seeks revenge on the Spellmans, as well. Lilith gave him the Mark of Cain, which protects him from harm, in exchange for their devilish deed, and he’s now allying himself with the pagans to slaughter the coven. It could be any of the Spellmans who meet their maker.
First things first, Zelda and Hilda are on a vision quest with Edward as Zelda’s guide, her “mèt-tèt,” as Mambo Marie called it. He takes them to moments from Zelda’s history as a student at the Academy, where they find a new moon symbol; as an adult when she and her sister take in Sabrina, where they find a half-moon symbol; and finally to the future where we see Zelda on her deathbed surrounded by Hilda and Sabrina, where they find a full-moon symbol. Zelda believes she knows what she must do now to save the coven and defeat the pagans. At the Academy, Ambrose has an idea to restore their energies and hopefully save his aunties. They magically persuade the Baxter High cheerleaders to perform Toni Basil’s “Hey Mickey” (musical episodes on fleek this season) while the coven siphons off their energy. Additional energies are stored within effigies, one for Zelda and one for Hilda. That’s when Blackwood shows up with pagan thugs to kill them. They escape, but Blackwood finds Agatha, who in her madness killed Dorcas and is now joining forces with Blackwood. Sabrina takes the coven to Hell for protection, but now Lucifer has returned. As much as he would like to, he’s not allowed to interrupt the proceedings of the Unholy Regalia challenge and he must honor the outcome. Prudence and Ambrose vow to bring the effigies to their aunts and protect the house, while Sabrina goes to find the final piece of the Regalia, 30 pieces of silver from Judas.
Only Judas knows where it’s hidden, so Lucifer cheats and telepathically tells Sabrina his location. She finds him entombed in stone in the Ninth Circle of Hell, where she trades the location for a sip of water. She can either betray someone she loves with a kiss and the coins will appear to her, or she can travel to the Field of Blood where the coins are buried with the first vampire, Vlad the Impaler. She ultimately chooses the latter and is nearly MeTooed by Vlad. He hypnotizes her and takes a bite from her neck, but is repelled by the burning taste of celestial blood in her veins. She returns to Judas, who only wants to hold the silver one last time because he’s really Caliban in a glamour. He tricks Sabrina and entombs her in the rock for eternity and takes the silver to receive the crown. That’s when everything falls apart. With Sabrina trapped, Harvey and Theo are racing to lose their virginities so they aren’t sacrificed, but the pagans find them first. Robin, being a super-speedy hobgoblin, is able to save them from an attack at school, but the carnival plans to lure the citizens of Greendale in order to “seed” them. Once they sacrifice a virgin, the Green Man statue will then pollinate them and “all who are flesh will die.” Roz uses Sabrina’s magic marker to send an SOS, but Nick gets the message instead. He goes to help, but the pagans find them. They sacrifice Harvey and the pollination begins. Meanwhile, Blackwood storms the Spellman home in search of his egg. Prudence is forced to kill Agatha before Blackwood puts a knife through his daughter’s back. Zelda finally wakes from her coma but is promptly slaughtered by him, too. Ambrose is the only one who manages to escape and he takes the egg with him.
In other news:
- Edward admits in Zelda’s vision that he knew about Sabrina’s parentage. He and Diana struck a bargain with Lucifer and begged him for a child.
- Lucifer seems a little too happy that Lilith is pregnant with a boy and not a girl. Even if Sabrina does take the throne one day, it seems she’ll only be keeping it warm for her baby brother.
Witches gone wild, ranked:
- The gorgon is creepin’ for virgins: “Once I have a virgin’s scent, none can hide from me.”
- Roz’s mention of Sabrina as “she’s my best friend” is a bit too Wizard of Oz. Sorry, Theo. You’re not her best friend and Roz is gonna say that to your face.
Episode 28: “Sabrina Is Legend”
It’s Hell on earth in the final episode of Part 3. Decades have past since Sabrina was trapped in stone and everyone she loves, except for Ambrose, is dead. When Caliban became King of Hell, he led his armies to claim earth but they were beat back by the pagans, who claimed the realm for their own. The pollination turned some into walking flower zombies (someone in the Sabrina writer’s room seems to be playing The Last of Us quite a bit) while the rest were harvested for their blood to water the Green Man. The witch Pesta poisoned the earth around the Academy for protection against the pagans, but Blackwood eventually claimed it and fell into madness, wandering the halls and raving about the Eldritch Terrors and the Void. Ambrose magically warded the Greendale mines and holed himself up. Celestials then came and completely emptied out Hell, and Lucifer and Lilith were entombed beside Sabrina. That’s when Sabrina’s visited by… herself.
A future version of Sabrina was able to travel back in time and take her past self’s place in Hell. Now free, Sabrina goes to claim the Unholy Regalia, which was kept hidden during the invasion of Hell. She also manages to tame their guardians, Vlad, Herod, and Pontius’ soldier, and return to earth. It’s a very True Blood season 2 situation: our hero returns after a journey to find her home covered in vegetation, and the entire town and its citizens taken over by an ancient Greek being. She meets up with Ambrose and learns that he kept the egg safe, which means they can use its temporal magic to send Sabrina back in time. They weld down the objects of the Regalia into, appropriately, a morning star to perform the spell within the stones at the Academy. (Thanks to Batibat, whom they unleash for her jar, Blackwood isn’t a problem.) Sabrina arrives back at the Academy at the moment Blackwood and Agatha plot to attack the Spellmans. The teen teleports home to warn them and move them all to Academy. She then goes to Harvey, Roz, and Theo just as Nick arrives, and moves them all to safety, too. When Zelda wakes, there’s no one to kill her and she shares that they now need to pray to Hecate, “the triple goddess” of witches and magic to regain their full powers. As the men take a knee, the women circle the Cain Pit and pray to Hecate, who resurrects Hilda. To combat the pagans, the coven magically puts the town to sleep so they can’t be seeded as Robin delivers Ms. Wardwell to Pan and the gorgon for the virgin sacrifice — or so they think. They glamoured Pesta to look like Wardwell, and the witch of disease destroys the Green Man’s statue as the ritual begins. With Sabrina disguised as Robin, the coven surprise the pagans and run them out of town, killing Pan, the gorgon, and Circe.
With everything at peace again, Sabrina is now supposed to return to the Ninth Circle of Hell to take her past self’s place. Instead, she meets herself just before she’s tricked by Caliban and the two Sabrinas come up with a crazy idea: one of them will return to earth and live life as a teen witch, while the other will trap Caliban in stone and take the throne of Hell. As one Sabrina prepares for her coronation, the other returns home as if nothing has happened. Though, she does tell Ambrose, who’s now freaking out because his cousin created “a time paradox” and Lilith, if no one else because she’s so perceptive, will probably realize there are two Sabrinas running around. Adding to the mess is Blackwood. Since Sabrina evacuated her home before the attack, there was no one to hide the egg. So Blackwood, having freed also Judas and Judith from the dollhouse, takes the egg to the woods and calls upon the Eldritch Terrors in the name of the Void, whatever the heck that means. He stabs the egg and unleashes whatever “abomination” was resting within.
In other news:
- How could present Sabrina still exist after she chose to leave herself entombed in Hell, especially when she was only able to escape because of her future self? Perhaps it has something to do with the Ninth Circle existing in its own time pocket, but as Sabrina herself says, “Just go with it.”
- After slaying the gorgon, Roz tells Harvey to find a bag for its head in case they need to turn someone to stone down the road.
- Zelda declares the coven is no longer part of the Church of the Night but the Order of Hecate.
- Mambo Marie warns Zelda that she has a feeling the witches should be preparing for war. With who? Who can say?
- Robin decides to say in Greendale, so the Fright Club have a hobgoblin on their side now.
- Sabrina cast a spell on the real Ms. Wardwell to keep her out of the way but also to remove her memory of learning the Spellmans are witches.
- Dr. Cee wakes up from the Spider-Hilda’s cocoon safe and sound.
- Prudence blames Ambrose for not allowing her to kill Blackwood and because of that Agatha killed Dorcas? Weird logic but okay. She finds solace in Nick, who’s also feeling alone.
- Harvey and Roz finally have sex, purely for protection. You know, in case anyone is looking for a virgin sacrifice in the future.
Witches gone wild, ranked:
- Zelda and Mambo Marie are the new power couple of 2020! Praise be to Hecate.
- Appropriate that Sabrina, as the official Queen of Hell, now looks like the symbol of white colonialism.
- Would watch a spin-off about the Regalia guardians rooming together in an apartment in Hell.
- Blackwood and Agatha are Batibat-sh— crazy.