The guy who wants to go home becomes the super-fan, and the super-fan suddenly wants to leave
The cool part of Celebrity Big Brother is that it moves at a terrifyingly fast pace. Just when you think you’re on top, Marissa Jaret Winokur changes what set of animal ears she’s wearing, and you’re on the bottom like a total loser. This week, it just so happens that the bottom player is one who has only been accustomed to sitting on the top. Take a hit off your asthma inhaler because we have things to talk about.
Previously on Big Brother
After that pre-show called Previously on Big Brother, we finally get intel on that whole “my daughter needs breast milk” thing.
Listen, I’m not going to act like I know what’s going on because I’m a man and, to my knowledge, do not have breast milk to give. I’m also all for mommas doing what they need for their babies. But Keshia’s exit was bizarre. I’m not going to say it was a plant for Omarosa, but if you wanted to say that in the comments, it’s fine, whatever, I’m not mad. But the past is the past, and now, we’re one Keshia down, one Shannon Elizabeth up, and of course, left with one offended Brandi Glanville. Apparently, before the live show, Brandi made some pretty insensitive comments to Keshia about needing to leave to breastfeed her toddler. Once Keshia was offended, so was Brandi, and now we’re here.
The Art of Subtlety
The one thing Keshia did do in the house is try to blow up Shannon’s game, but it was a bit fumbled, considering no one could really parse out what she meant. That is to the benefit of Ross, who is playing this season flawlessly: Think Andy Herren, but likable. With everyone’s concerns taken care of and Shannon feeling safe, the houseguests head into a mini golf competition for HOH. After Shannon locks in a strong performance, it’s up to the strange unnamed alliance of people I definitely would have hung out with in college to overtake her. Ariadna manages to do it, and y’all. When she wins, everyone gets way too hype. If Big Brother is a game of nuance, Celebrity Big Brother is a game of bluntness like you’ve never seen. At the end of the day, no one can take her down, even Tilda Swinton, who is method acting as Mark McGrath.
Inside, we get a glimpse of old-school Omarosa, and you know what? This is the America we should all be reaching for. When Omarosa, Brandi Glanville, and Miss Colombia are celebrating in a room together, it feels like we’ve won, even if it’s just on the CBS soundstage. Of course, in the living room, James and Shannon are also super pumped because they think Omarosa or Metta will go home. By the way, I don’t mean to stir the pot in this safe space that we call the Celebrity Big Brother recap, but optics-wise, maybe Shannon and James shouldn’t line up three black people in a row as their targets? And then of course, in his own world, Metta celebrates because he’s decided after begging to be sent home in week one, he’s going to go full Katniss Everdeen on everyone and pick them off one by one. Okay, Metta. Actually, you know what? I would love to see Metta win this whole damn thing.
The White House Power Minute
Of course, in every episode featuring Omarosa, we have to have a brief conversation about something related to Donald Trump. This time, it has to do with White House decor, which apparently isn’t very easy to change. Then she talks about how smart Ivanka is, and I don’t disagree, but also I finished my entire glass of wine because I needed it after that conversation. The whole thing comes to an end when Metta asks if the basketball court is still there, saying, “Obama put that in there, Obama is crazy!” Metta, you are perfect.
Bye, Bye Miss American Pie
Back to strategy. Ross, Marissa, Brandi, and Ariadna sit down to figure out how they’re going to execute this Shannon/James elimination this week, and surprise surprise, it’s actually Brandi who chimes in and says, “To ensure one of them go, we have to put them both up.” Yes, Brandi. YES. It’s been a ~thing~ over the past few seasons to backdoor people and leave it to Veto selection fate, but Brandi is playing that aggressive game. You hear that, future BB players? Aggressive is good! Before they break, Brandi wants to add one more thing. After a dramatic pause, it turns out she forgot because, as she says, “My meds are kicking in.” God love you, Brandi.
Following the plan, the house pretty much tries to completely body-block Shannon from speaking to Ariadna. Again, these celebrities have absolutely no subtlety. The whole thing is left on Metta, who just plops in place until Shannon leaves. Once she does, she goes downstairs to find James because she knows she’s in trouble. And when she figures it out, all of a sudden Big Brother super-fan and mega-player Shannon Elizabeth says, “I got my answer. I’m ready to go home.” OKAY, PROLIFIC ACTRESS AND WILDLIFE ADVOCATE SHANNON ELIZABETH. GOOD TO KNOW YOU’RE HERE FOR THE LONG HAUL.
James tries to console her, but sometimes, when your piece of the (American) pie is taken away, you just don’t feel like it’s worth trying anymore. But when Shannon shows up to the nomination ceremony in a hat and sunglasses, she’s finally ready to speak her mind, saying she knows what’s happening and that she never turned on anyone. Ironically, Omarosa stays calm and Brandi tries to reason with Shannon. Shannon continues to confront the drama when Omarosa asks, “Since we’re having a come-to-Jesus meeting, did you campaign against me while I was in the hospital?” I literally have to take a hit from my inhaler. It’s not enough to stop the inevitable: Ariadna nominates James and Shannon for elimination, and girlfriend is done.