You can't take five people to the finale, no matter how much Ross wants to
BIG BROTHER: Celebrity Edition
Credit: Bill Inoshita/CBS

Welcome back to Celebrity Big Brother (At Least Until Your Milk Dries Up Or You Miss Your Wife)!

This is your Wednesday episode where everything happens until someone is eliminated. If you’re like me, you’re probably asking, “Huh, why did Metta go last two days ago?” Well, it’s pretty much because he missed his wife, so Omarosa cut him loose. The whole thing feels strange because when has Omarosa ever been amenable? The real winner at the end of this journey has got to be this devil woman-turned-reasonable gameplayer because honestly (God, help me) Omarosa has been crazy likable from the perspective of a Big Brother fan.

Anyway, while I wash my mouth out with something slightly less toxic than a Tide Pod, let’s discuss how Ross and Marissa have decided to align with Mark and James. When they talk about team names, we’re reminded that James is definitely in his early 20s. Let’s review his suggestions:

  • Rad Sauce
  • Deez Nutz
  • Sloppy Seconds
  • Roomie Squad

Good God. This is like The Friendship all over again. Of course, that alliance immediately becomes complicated when James says that maybe the best move is for the four to skip Omarosa for now and take out either Ariadna or Brandi. That makes a ton of sense from James and Mark, but ultimately, Ross is continuing his tour of Likable Andy Herren gameplay, which involves keeping the focus on Omarosa and making five other people believe they’re in a solid alliance with him. His approach has really been a reminder that Andy’s biggest game flaw was just being unlikable.

That leads us to the HOH competition, where the houseguests compete to get across a wobbly red carpet. That starts with two heats, and the fastest three times from each heat go on to one final heat. Ross has no interest in winning because, well, see above. Good thing, because he struggled real hard to get across that carpet. The final heat comes down to Mark, James, and Brandi. Like an absolute lunatic, James gets across like a trooper and then refuses to hit his button because he’s going to toss it to Mark. The plan works, but Brandi is not amused.

Mark’s immediate plan is to nominate Brandi and Ariadna, and Ross scrambles to pivot the target over to Omarosa. But Mark’s not interested in it because as much as Omarosa needs to go, he says that Brandi an Ariadna need to go as well. Game-wise, he has a point, but his game is not Marissa and Ross’ game, so they’re pretty stuck right now with whatever Mark wants to do. As the night comes to a close, it looks like we might get by without any discussion about politics, but right in the last minute, Omarosa talks about being on Oprah with Donald Trump. Then she discusses flying to her hometown on Air Force One with Trump, and it’s not even good gossip, y’all. It’s just something silly to take us out of this crazy Big Brother house we show up to four nights a week.

The night ends with the inevitable though. Mark nominates Brandi and Ariadna, and you know what? I’m going to go against the grain here. She’s not the favorite, but Brandi is a smart woman — but a terrible player. If she could keep any of her cards close to her chest, she might have had the perception to win. But maybe we’re counting her out too early. She’s clearly the target, but there are still a couple days before Friday’s double eviction. What are your thoughts? Ari or Brandi?

Episode Recaps

Celebrity Big Brother
  • TV Show
  • 2