The best part about Adam’s disappearance is that there was no family emergency or prior contractual obligation that he needed to attend to. It was a wedding he was hosting at his house. Not his wedding, mind you. Somebody else’s wedding. What’s next? “Sorry, Mr. Trump, I promised my niece’s boyfriend I would help him with his algebra homework so I’m going to have to sit this next one out. Oh, also, I’ll need immunity from being fired while I skip the entire task. Thanks!” The fact that no one has been fired while bailing on a task — even when their team has lost — has me wondering why a contestant doesn’t just come up with an excuse to miss every single project until the finale. Apparently, on this show, you can’t lose if you don’t compete. Of course, Adam was not the only MIA member of the men’s team. Did Michael Andretti say a single word this entire episode? That dude got less screen time than the M&Ms Chief Chocolate Officer!
Lisa Lampanelli vs. Victoria Gotti
Women are having a tough time on reality TV these days. The ladies on Survivor can’t win a single challenge against the men because they are too busy at each other’s throats. And the females on Celebrity Apprentice are faring no better. However, their pain is our gain. I was worried about Lisa Lampanelli on this show because often comedians just come on to be wacky and crack some jokes and don’t fully invest in the game, but make no mistake — Lisa Lampanelli is invested. As Project Manager for the women in their task to put on a 12 to 15 minute Medieval Times show, she barked at Debbie Gibson for interrupting her, said that the only thing Dayana was competent at was “sitting and looking good,” and yelled at the entire team for being excited about their costumes. In short, she was incredible. Lisa Lampanelli should be Project Manager for every task from here on out — for both teams.
But she was at her absolute best while feuding with the lovely and talented Victoria Gotti. Perhaps worried that the sight of Victoria Gotti might scare young children in the audience, Lisa made her stage manager. Of course, Victoria is used to people named Gotti being the boss, so she felt marginalized by being kept off the Medieval (or is it “mid-evil”?) Times main stage. (After being called out publicly by Teresa for spelling her name wrong last week, the last thing I should be doing is taking someone else to task for their spelling. Besides, it could have been worse, like…no, actually it could not have been worse.)
It all blew up in the Boardroom when Lisa hammered the mob boss’ daughter for trying to defect to the men’s team and missing her cue on a trumpet flourish during the show. She was relentless and unsparing, even causing Gotti to cry at one point. “I am not arguing with you because you are inarguable because you have lies made up in your head, so enjoy the delusion of your life,” Lisa told Victoria after the ladies had lost and the two and Dayana were in the reception area waiting to come back in and see who gets fired.
When they did come back in, the barrage continued with Lisa in such a state that she even managed to make herself cry. The whole spectacle — complete with a James Lipton spelling bee — was irresistible, and in the end, Victoria was indeed fired and Lisa had earned herself a place on the Celebrity Apprentice All-Star season.
NEXT: Lou Ferrigno does his Incredible Hulk Impersonation