Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The 9 best lines from Into the Woods
Jake and Charles take a stressed-out Terry into nature and stress him out some more
This week’s Brooklyn Nine-Nine featured characters taking other ones out of their comfort zones and into the trust zone: Rosa heeding Holt’s (or LadiesGoodHealth.com’s) advice and having a vulnerable conversation with Marcus that involved feelings; a stressed-out Terry going with the country flow and letting Jake and Charles take him for a boys’ weekend to a cabin (owned by Det. Lohank, a sad sack with a sad shack); and Vanessa, er, Amy relying on Gina to help her pitch her reading-light invention. In the end, Rosa (and Holt!) had a good cry, not-Fun Terry had a good fall into a pit (hole!), and Amy had some unfortunate luck in the NYPD mini-Shark Tank. Also: Rosa landed a good, funny punch in Scully’s stomach zone.
The sprawling “Into The Woods” may not have been, say, 1,000 percent more captivating than other outings this season, but it did offer up a generous supply of hearty moments and punchlines. So let’s protect ourselves against all tick-borne illnesses, regret the words we’ve already spoken, and recap the best lines. And remember, you have the right to remain well-lit.
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9. “So I smash through the window feet first, there’s glass everywhere, and I say, ‘Hey there. Sorry for dropping in.’… And the best part is there was nothing on my cheek.” —Jake recounting the story of a heroin bust where he coolly smashed in through a window, but the arrest ended embarrassingly with the criminal telling Jake that he had chocolate on his cheek.
8. “Pshhh. Yeah, like some little girl’s going to take down Yuri Jurgonav!” —Amy scoffing to Gina after Gina told her that a girl in her building said she’s going to break the world record for speed reading with Amy’s invention
7. “Amy, are you asking me to She’s All That you?” —Gina to Amy after she asked her to help her with her presentation with the head of NYPD purchasing because she’s worried that she’ll come off as boring. (Points to Amy for her response: “I didn’t read that.”)
6. “Oh god. What if the last thing we ever heard him say was sporgasboard? —Jake to Jerry after Charles went missing on his foraging expedition
5. “I did some research on amicable breakups on www.ladiesgoodhealthmag.com/sex-relationships/867599904/9432&20.html. Do you know that site? —Holt to Diaz
4. I’m allergic to poison ivy. I got it one time at sports camp making out in the woods with Liz Almont… Okay, fine we weren’t making out: I was looking for my inhaler. And it wasn’t sports camp: It was asthma camp.” —Jake to Terry after Terry steered him clear of some poison ivy
3. “But never to a friend’s house, huh?” —Gina to Amy after she says that she and the magnetic flashlight clip she invented so she could read under the covers “went around the world together — the Shire, Sweet Valley High, Terabithia”
2. “I was so scared, you guys. A psychic told me I was going to die alone in a pit, and I kept telling myself, ‘This is a hole, not a pit. This is a hole, not a pit. This is a hole, not a pit. This is a hole, not a pit, Charles. This is a hole, not a pit…’ —Charles to Jake and Terry after he fell in a pit, er, hole, during his foraging mission
1. “I feel acknowledged. Thank you for breaking up with me. It will take me eight minutes to collect my things.” —Holt to Rosa after she says his sadness is noted during a stilted simulation of her break-up with Marcus (Nick Cannon)