Brooklyn Nine-Nine: 'The Mattress' best lines
It’s a logical rule: Those who are partners in smooshing booties are not also supposed to be partners in solving crime. But this week on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Holt threw logical rules out the window and allowed couple-in-training Jake and Amy to try to clean up the streets together. What resulted were some good jokes involving grammar and a bad communication breakdown for Jake and Amy involving a mattress. But the stress didn’t break them—it made them… firmer: Amy finally told her mother about her new boyfriend and Jake finally dumped his dumpster mattress to prove to Amy that she was worth enough to him to invest in a better rectangle filled with springs and goose hair. So, yes, s— just got a little more real for Jamy (Ake? Santeralta? Peraltiago? Somebody stop me), and the show’s writers seem to be doubling down on their decision to pair the two after a lot of will-they-won’t-they foreplay.
Speaking of romance, an amusing B-plot showcasing another dimension of Holt’s ability to love rigidly — in this case, his deferential devotion to his classic automobile Gertie — was interwoven nicely into the story as he counseled Jake on prioritizing a partner over pride. (We also learned that Holt’s name may be on the title but Gertie’s spirit cannot be owned/tamed). And over in C-plot land, Rosa’s volunteer work with a little brother in need of not-so-tough love proved to be the episode’s weak link — despite the enriching revelation that she was a ballerina. Oh, and in mostly unrelated news: Hitchcock drank his own fish, which is a sentence that works even better when not explained.
Without further, um, ewww, let’s crack open an orange soda (not an Orangina) and take a taxi (the car kind) to Mattress Town, where we will recap the best lines of this week’s episode.
9. “Hey, hey, hey, you can’t call a kid stupid. What if he’s really stupid?” —Terry to Rosa
8. “That’s why HR Jim keeps high-fiving me.” —Jake, after Amy told Holt that she files daily reports to HR on their relationship and HR is bcc’d on all their emails. (Yet another good Jake “That’s what/why” joke, joining such hits as “That’s what globes are for.” “That’s why people throw away garbage.” )
7. “The cupcake was Gertie. Your butt was Charles’ car. The chair was the parking space. Your office was the garage. And I was the brilliant Gina Linetti in both scenarios.” —Gina, over explaining her analogy to Holt
6. “Oh, I hear what you’re saying… mattress trampoline! Wait, no, you were taking about sex. Then mattress trampoline!” — Jake to Amy, after she nudge-nudge-wink-winkingly tells him that they’ll have to break in his new mattress
5. “I just got Gertie back from the garage. She looks as good as new. Better even, because after 12 years they finally got the Annie Lennox cassette out of the tape player.” —Holt to Charles about his car that he scratched
4. “Okay, I know you’re mad but before you say anything: Yes, we screwed up. And yes, you warned us. And yes, I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I do know this: I have reached the end of my sentence…. Oh my god, did that work?” —Jake to Holt
3. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, me and Devin? Did you mean.. Devin and I? I corrected your grammar! Are you so proud of me? Are you horrified? Are you super horny?” —Jake to Amy
2. “You’re going to pay for what you’ve done. And it won’t be cheap. They’ll have to custom mix the color… because they no longer make raspberry sherbet.” — Holt, menacingly to Charles after he scratches Gertie
1. “Oh, I hate people who drive sports cars! You’re not Gloria Estefan and this isn’t Miami!” —Charles