Brooklyn Nine-Nine: The 9 best lines from The Swedes
This week on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, the competitive juices were flowing in all sorts of directions. Jake and Rosa tried and succeeded in taking down a diamond ring (nope, not that kind; it’s only Jake and Amy’s six-month anniversary), but not before they tried yet couldn’t quite succeed in one-upping a pair of way-too-close-for-comfort Swedish cops, Soren (Workaholics‘ Anders Holm) and Agneta (Garfunkel and Oates‘ Riki Lindhome), who were sent by Interpol to crack the case with them. Meanwhile, a wave of testosterone overwhelmed Charles (“Squash’s unhinged lunatic,” raved the Sarah Lawrence Phoenix) as he was forced into unleash-the-beast mode by Holt so he could help bring his captain a third squash doubles championship as Kevin’s fill-in. And over in the third story line, celebrity astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson — Terry’s gym buddy whom Terry recruited to tutor Gina in astronomy so she could pass her test — out-squatted the muscle-bound man who can make his pecs dance. (And while Neil proclaimed Gina hopeless, she did get a useless but well-choreographed lesson about our solar system from Amy and Terry.)
By the end of this episode — a fine one, by the way — Gina had passed her test (and presumably partied that night under the glow of Et Cetera), Amy had ruined her chances of hooking up with Hitchcock forever, Charles had smacked Holt’s ass during a racquetball montage set to Mötley Crüe, and Rosa had given Jake an idea for an Amy-appropriate anniversary gift and had learned a lesson from Jake in friendship, specifically that you can’t spell partner without pal — actually, you can, and you should, because that L really messes things up. (Sidenote: It’s nice and intriguing to see Rosa reveal various slivers of vulnerability, and here we got a perfect ending to the episode, with her downing shots to muster the courage to divulge just the name of her new boyfriend, Tom. Interesting, though, that the story line was not written with Jake and Amy going up against Soren and Agneta and the new couple being insecure/concerned that these supposedly platonic Swedes are actually closer partners than they are. Sidenote over.)
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Want to head over to the wild side and relive the best lines of “The Swedes”? Well, once you finish up your shlam poetry and crack open a botttle of Hungarian pezsgo with your hairless fingers, we will begin the final countdown, which, ja, we understand the joke; that is a reference to a popular song by a band who is Swedish.
9. “From context, I believe it means, ‘Proudly uneducated.'” —Soren to Agneta, when she says she doesn’t know the term “samesies” that Jake used
8. “The hot blond guy from True Blood?” —Rosa to Soren, when he says Agneta found an invitation to the home of Alvar Gustavsson, a Swedish businessman with ties to organized crime
7. “Hey, what did you and Marcus do for your six-month anniversary, keeping in mind that he’s dreamy and romantic and I only own $50?” —Jake to Rosa
6. “Because I thought it would be cool, just me sitting around, naming moons left and right, like Zorp. Bong. Dingo, Et Cetera. That would be one of the names: Et Cetera.” —Gina to Neil deGrasse Tyson, when he asked her why she was taking an astronomy class
5. “I need you to…unleash the beast.” —Holt to Charles on the squash court
4. “Working a jewel heist with Interpol — this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me! [to Amy] Second best. [Whispering to Holt] First best. I was lying to Amy!” —Jake to Holt, after he assigned him to work with the Swedish detectives on the stolen-diamonds case
3. “Oh, I love Paris. At least how it’s represented in the movie Ratatouille.” —Charles, after Holt says that Kevin just accepted a fellowship to teach at the Sorbonne
2. “The rodent chef.” —Holt, casually and disdainfully explaining Charles’ Ratatouille reference to Kevin
1. “Spaceship Earth? Way to go. You just made Earth lame — and that is my house.” —Gina to Neil deGrasse Tyson, after he assured her that she would not only pass her exam, but “gain a deeper appreciation of the universe, through which we journey on this Spaceship Earth”