Abbi gets her wisdom teeth removed and is left with Ilana, who turns out to be a bad nurse.
Ilana is like an embarrassing mom—if your mom showed up to model nude at your drawing class.
This is how the episode kicks off, with Abbi showing up to get her art on and Ilana showing up to surprise Abbi by modeling in all her naked glory. Abbi initially acts like a kid who just walked into a strip club only to see her mom on the stage, but eventually warms up to Ilana’s weird, great poses. And while her attempts to contort her body are funny, her facial expressions are even better: At one point, she tucks her chin into her chest and hides her upper lip for a facial expression that makes her look like a deranged Who.
Ilana eventually has to put on clothes though to accompany Abbi to Lincoln’s office, where she’s getting her wisdom teeth removed. While Ilana is freaking out—this is her best friend/love of her life going into surgery, after all—Abbi is hugging on Bingo Bronson, a stuffed animal that will go on to play a major part in the episode.
Lincoln puts Abbi under, causing her to have psychedelic dreams that look more like she’s tripping on acid than being administered medical anesthesia. The fun doesn’t last long though. Once she wakes up, Lincoln and Ilana basically abuse her: Lincoln jokes that he took all her teeth out, and Ilana grabs her incredibly tender cheeks. Friends are so nice, aren’t they?
Now that Abbi’s surgery is over, it’s time for Ilana to take care of her—and by “take care of her,” I mean “try really hard to take care her of but ultimately fail.” They start off taking a cab ride, where Abbi shows off her best Drew Barrymore impressions, which are actually pretty all right, despite the fact that her mouth is stuffed with gauze and oozing with blood. But she loves Drew Barrymore—”she’s my favorite!”—and goes back and forth between impersonating her and voicing her guilt. It’s like David After the Dentist, but with a grown woman who is having some very deep thoughts about Drew Barrymore (so, behavior for a grown woman).
Because Ilana is responsible for Abbi, that means she’s responsible for giving Abbi Vicodin. Normal people would be extra careful with this stuff, seeing as it’s a powerful, prescription-strength painkiller, but these are not normal people… so Abbi ends up accidentally taking four pills—double the prescribed dosage. Of course, this makes her feel “weird,” so Ilana responds by giving her even more drugs: a weed smoothie that really puts Abbi over the edge in terms of highness.
Ilana’s idea of care-taking involves braiding hair (where’s Chris Pratt?) and doing each others’ makeup, so Abbi ends up looking like Divine. The makeup itself is red carpet-ready, but the reveal is the real punchline: The camera stays (mostly) still as Ilana “dances” with Abbi (a.k.a. holds her up) in a circle, eventually unveiling her heavily made-up new look. Remember in Breaking Bad when Gus Fring looks fine until the camera moves and reveals half his face is gone? It’s like that, but scarier.
Within minutes, Ilana gets distracted and starts video-chatting with Lincoln—providing super-loopy Abbi a chance to go on an outdoors adventure with her new partner in crime, Bingo Bronson. And what an adventure they have.
Because Abbi is now four Vicodin and a giant weed smoothie in, she now sees the foot-tall Bingo as a gigantic, bigger-than-life-size character. She frolics around the neighborhood, hand-in-hand with Bingo and rocking her still-intact makeup, until they come upon the Gowanus Whole Foods, otherwise known as (wealthy) stoner paradise.
Explaining Abbi and Bingo’s interactions wouldn’t do them justice. The sequence of the two gallivanting around is surreal and kooky and one of the show’s absolute best—both because it’s not afraid to get weird, and because it does a solid job of portraying what’s going on in Abbi’s drug-addled brain.
Meanwhile, Ilana is freaking out trying to find her best friend, but gets to relax once she gets a phone call from Abbi’s bank saying she spent $1,487.56 at Whole Foods (Broad City has been making real-life websites to correspond with ones mentioned in the show, so in the same vein, they should totally release Abbi’s itemized receipt—which probably contains at least five boxes of Cheddar Bunnies).
Ilana finds Abbi in the grocery store food court and takes her home, where she rests off the drugs. We next see her when she is sober and healed—and talking to Jeremy, her hot neighbor. As we found out earlier, High Abbi left a 23-minute voicemail on Jeremy’s phone professing her crush. She didn’t remember this; he did. And he wants to go on a date with her.
It’s great and all that Abbi’s probably going to finally get her romance with Jeremy, but after this week’s episode, I have to ask: What about Bingo?
– Ilana is so committed to nursing Abbi that she starts off her duties by wearing an actual nursing uniform (okay, it’s a nurse Halloween costume that she wears over her clothes—but still: dedication!).
– Jaimé heads to 42 Squirts (appetizing name for a fro-yo shop, no?) to grab Abbi some mouth-friendly dessert, but gets overwhelmed by all the options including Nicorette and Brown Town. He also has trouble translating the names of toppings: “Why would you want old raisins?” he exclaims after reading a sign for “Good ol’ raisins and peanuts.”
– Lincoln and Ilana continue to be the best non-couple on TV. “Do you know which old person it is?” Ilana asks Lincoln as she jiggles around her stomach, which has a mouth painted on it. “I don’t know. Who is it?” he replies. It turns out she herself doesn’t know, and goes looking for Abbi to find out.
– Abbi’s dancing has been a highlight of the season so far: Last week, she went all-out for a solo, naked number set to Lady Gaga’s “The Edge of Glory,” and this week, she celebrated her upcoming date with Jeremy by doing some strange-but-amusing moves she learned in her Vicodin state.