Ugh, for whatever reason, this episode sort of did me in. It just felt… off? Am I crazy? Has all this sticky heat onscreen gone to my brain?
We begin with Eric O’Dirtbag in jail, and after this episode I’m retiring the nickname because, man, poor Eric. The only thing worse than being born a Rayburn is being friends with — or engaged to — them. He’s been beaten up in jail, clearly, as cops have no love for someone they believe killed one of their own.
Meanwhile, Roy tells John to find Ozzy because he is now just a loose end. Cool.
Marco’s funeral is happening, and Kevin writes a note of condolence to the family which, if you think about it, is pretty rich. John is a pallbearer (also rich) and, inscrutable in his sunglasses, gives a heartfelt speech about family. Sigh. Nope. Meg, it should be noted, is absolutely nowhere to be seen.
And then, just like we’re suddenly watching Lost, we jump in time to five months later. Say what now?
John, apparently, is no longer living at home. Things between him and Diana are awfully frosty (though she’s gotten a very cute haircut). She’s called him over because Janie is having sex, but John just seems annoyed to be dragged over. “Do you want me to play bad cop?” Hahahaha, don’t make me say it again! (That’s rich.) After, he calls his daughter and gets an earful about her mother. Good times.
In a much better mood is one Kevin Rayburn. You’d have no idea that he might be wrestling with the existential heaviness of committing a brutal murder. Instead he whistles while brushing his teeth! He makes eggs for his very annoying mother-in-law. He coos at his adorable baby. He allows himself to be talked into having a christening and a party for baby Rocky (named for Robert, natch).
Roy is happy with Kevin too. He tells him he’s ready for him to take on some new, higher-level operations. I’m sure this will go great. Kevin invites Roy to the christening. Roy wants Kevin to write a letter of support to allow Eric out of jail to go to Eric’s mother’s funeral. This being Roy, it all feels a little suspicious — especially as he talks about photographers and such. Kevin is like, Wait, I thought this wasn’t going to trial. Oh brother. When we later see Kevin getting prepped for trial, you see that he is certainly not looking like the best of witnesses. There is no explanation as to why his lawyer is wearing a giant cowboy hat.
Sheriff Franco tells John that he thinks there is no way it’s a good idea for Eric to go the funeral and tells him to please get his brother in line. Yeah, we know how that goes.
Later, Kevin asks John to be the godfather He seems determined to keep cheery. He also says brightly that he wants Meg to be godmother, which, considering how we last saw him with his sister, doesn’t seem likely. He tells Kevin the letter idea is a dumb idea, and Kevin defends Roy. Again. Sigh.
John goes to see Roy, and they murmur hostilities at each other a little bit. We also learn that Ozzy did go to jail for stealing a car, but now he’s out. There are things mentioned like, “Leave the past in the past.” Too late for that, show. Way too late. Not a tagline.
Kevin calls his mom and asks if they can have a party at the inn. Isn’t it time to celebrate? Probably not, Kevin.
He then breaks up a fight between Jake and one of Roy’s goons. Jake is like, This is not right. Kevin continues the jovial routine, but it’s coming apart at the edges, methinks. He gets in the car and, when he hears the song “God Bless the Child,” starts laughing a little crazily.
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John goes to see Kate. How did Kate become so important? He asks if she knows where Ozzy is, and she takes the opportunity to tell him how much Danny used to brag about John. Woof. He asks after Nolan and she’s like, Not a chance dude.
John has a new partner! She’s a brunette who seems pretty confident in her cuteness. But no matter how hard she hits on or propositions John, she’s not getting anywhere. The next day she complains to Franco about it in an aren’t-I-outrageous way. (John apparently did not win the sheriff race.) Why, with just six episodes left, must we meet new people?
Chelsea asks John for his help in getting Eric out for the funeral. She twists the knife a bit, telling him his word means a lot and also invites him to the funeral.
John and Sally discuss the whole thing, and Sally reiterates that Roy is a dangerous friend to have. We get it! Roy is bad! Like clockwork, Roy calls to let them know the great news that Eric got permission to go to the funeral. John has somewhat sussed out a theory: that Roy is going to have Eric killed instead of attending his mother’s funeral, and he does not want that. (Why stop here, John?)
Kevin gets a call from John, but he refuses to let his brother dampen his high spirits. He thinks the reason why everything happened is so that they can just live their lives, dude. He spouts some AA rhetoric at his brother, who is not having any of it. Kevin finally gets mad and tells John that he’s sick of John looking down at him. John throws him out of the car after calling him a disappointment, and Kevin goes right for the beer he was eyeing earlier. Why do they keep booze in the house? Oh, Kevin. He makes me entirely nervous when he’s all drunk-y with the little baby, but, for a nice change, the absolute worst does not come to pass.
There’s a knock at John’s door, and we see John’s state of mind these days when he picks up the gun. But it’s a drunk Diana. When did this happen? She’s sort of a fun giggly drunk who stumbles into his bed, and it appears this isn’t the first time. She is dressed like a teenager. He calls his daughter, and again we get the sense that this seems to happen a lot.
Sally gets a phone call with no one on the other line. Or is it Meg just silently breathing? Who knows! She cries into the phone that she misses Meg.
(Here in my notes is where I see my handwritten scrawl: This episode blows.)
John awakes from a vision/nightmare of Eric getting shot to death. Diana wakes up, a little sheepish, and tells him she needs to go home before the kids notice she is gone. (Nice try, Diana.)
We get to the big christening, and this is where I really start to worry that Bloodline is going to straight-up rip off The Godfather. It certainly feels that way! But instead of all hell breaking loose as Roy Gilbert — who steps in as godfather, naturally — takes the oath and bullets ring out, the opposite happens. The cops who are driving Eric — we learn later they’re paid off by John — go so slowly he misses the funeral (but this probably saves his life). John shows up at Hannah O’Bannon’s funeral with flowers, for which Chelsea looks profoundly grateful.