Big Brother

Biiiiiiiig Brother fans, are you ready for season 21? It has everything: Faces that look kind of like faces from seasons past — with personalities that match. An over-the-top theme that doesn’t quite explain why there’s a couch in the kitchen. Unnecessary sliming of the houseguests. Twists. Turns. And Julie Chen.

Let’s pass out some fake keys and meet our 16 houseguests…

Jackson is from Nashville, but he’s not a redneck — despite the fact that he was shooting guns and calling himself a mama’s boy. He’s also pretty. The kind of pretty that is going to cause problems in the BB house.

Nicole is a special needs preschool teacher from Long Island, New York. She’s the self-proclaimed awkward girl. She’s single and not not ready to mingle.

Tommy is a dancer on Broadway (currently, in Pretty Woman) who is from Staten Island.

Kathryn is from Dallas and has big hair and a big personality to match. She is “bad at selfies” so she hires a photographer to follow her around.

Ovi is a recent, recent grad (like he got his diploma last month) from the University of Tennessee, where Jackson also went.

Kemi is from Brooklyn. She’s a brand strategist and a “reformed” mean girl.

Holly is a sommelier and safari guide who is from Wyoming but works on a ranch near Los Angeles. She uses the term “city folk,” so that all must be true.

Jason Momoa Jack is a photographer who is obsessed with his dog Layla. After entering the house, Tommy immediately declares him as the most gorgeous thing there.

Christie is also from Staten Island… like Tommy. Hmm. She owns her own clothing boutique and has been “manifesting” winning BB since she was 16.

Sam Smith (no, not that one) is a truck driver from Mountain Top, Pa., where he lives with his wife and two boys. He’s not here for a fun summer — he wants to win.

Isabella is an “intern at UCLA studying public health” — which I think just means she’s a student?? She’s from a traditional Chinese family, and her mom does not seem pleased with her BB decision.

Nick is a child mental health therapist from New Jersey. He’s going to lie about his occupation in the house so he can manipulate people. Also, his package included a counseling session with a child. Does HIPAA apply in Big Brother?

Jessica is a plus-size model from Chicago. She’s expecting people to underestimate her in the house.

Cliff is our token old guy in the house — and he knows it. He’s a petroleum engineer from Houston, and he’s got a lot of crazy stories from his travels and is happy to add the BB house to his list.

Analyse, who apparently likes to be called “Sis” (but why!?), also thinks people are going to underestimate her. But she played Division I soccer, so… yeah.

And, finally, David is a fitness photographer from Atlanta, Ga., and I’m so glad he can be there to take photos for Kathryn.

After Julie ushers all the houseguests into their new summer home, excuse me camp, she lets us know that not everyone in the house is a stranger. Turns out that Christy used to date someone in Tommy’s family. I find it suspicious they refer to this person as “someone in the family” instead of like … “my aunt” or “Tommy’s cousin” or whatever. Either way, they decide to keep this detail between the two of them, and neither of them seems like the best secret keeper.

It takes all of two seconds in the house for a Jack+Jackson bromance to form. “We can pump some iron together … we can eat a lot of food together,” Jackson says. With those two key ingredients for friendship, what else do you need?

After approximately two more seconds, Julie drops the first twist of the season: They will be electing a Camp Director. This person will have “unprecedented powers,” will be safe for the first week, but will also impact the first HOH. They each get one vote and can’t vote for themselves.

At first, no one wants to volunteer to put a giant red target the size of their headboards (which are actual red targets) on their back. But Cliff breaks the ice. He knows he’s already a shoo-in for the first eviction, so he says he’d be willing to do this task. And then suddenly David, Jessica, and Jackson want to do it, too.

Jessica seems like the frontrunner … that is until they all start talking about “girl power.” Listen, I’m all for girl power—but we’ve watched this game. We all know what was going to happen. It just happens much quicker than I expected. Awkward Nicole decides she wants to get on Pretty Boy Jackson’s good side by voting for him instead. Then Isabella is swayed and maybe Kat and Christy?

In the end, Jackson gets the Camp Director role. Now he has to banish four people to the BB Wilderness, where they will fight TO THE DEATH. Well, their BB death at least. Only three will come back into the house and the fourth will be sent home before the first eviction.

It’s a bit brutal, but in the immortal words of Pretty Boy Jackson, “There’s only confetti for one person.”

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Big Brother
Big Brother

Julie Chen hosts as the houseguests battle it out.

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