Where did Matt go? What's in store? Quoth the Raven, "Out the door."

By Justin Kirkland
August 31, 2017 at 10:15 PM EDT
CBS

Big Brother

S19 E31
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Lord, it’s been a week. Cowboy Bebop has really made some enemies. Everyone is yelling. The leading alliance is feeling betrayed. But after a pretty complacent season, Jason has made moves.

And the house is MAD, y’all. Did he put everyone on slop? Nope. Did he…open Pandora’s Box and bring back Cody? Nope. You see, Jason just nominated someone from the house majority, and now this cast is going to have to actually play the game.

And Big Brother contestants of recent seasons aren’t used to that. When Raven and Matt are left on the block, Raven loses her mind and starts screaming in the backyard. Matt is frustrated that Jason seems to be hiding from everyone, so with cereal bowl in hand (okay, it was a cup, but does it matter?), he confronts Jason. And when the two of them go full-blown bonkers on Jason, even Josh thinks it’s dramatic, which is hilarious because Josh makes a soap opera look like a David Attenborough special.

It all comes to a head when Matt screams at Jason, “I never expected a cowboy like you to be a p—y like that.” Jason tries to defend himself, and Matt takes it from a level 10 up to a 12 and starts screaming that Jason is a punk-ass bitch, and guys, it’s insane. Like, a few million dollars and two glasses of chardonnay more, and we’d have a Housewives franchise.

Matt decides that he can at least use the week to pull the target to someone other than Raven. Some inside live feed information: Matt pretty much broke the rules as a have-not all week, so he wrestled up a penalty vote for himself. More inside information: If you’ve been paying attention at all this season, Matt has actively been trying not to win the game. It’s frustrating for the super fans out there because it makes it clear that Matt is essentially just a number and not a contender, so even on a week when the s—…um, meatballs?…hit the fan, it doesn’t actually mean anything. It’s just this season’s salt-and-pepper dreamboat getting his feelings hurt because he can’t canoodle an actual post-pubescent Nickelodeon character.

As Matt retreats to the backyard, Kevin wants to cover himself and assure Matt he didn’t vote for him the week before. Paul follows up and does the same, and all of a sudden, Kevin goes on the offensive. This is the week for it! Kevin calls out Paul for screwing over so many people, and God love Kevin for trying, but that gameplay is like scooting all of your pawns out of the way for no reason and then shooting your queen right into the line of fire. I see what you’re doing, but how can you win that way? Anyway, Kevin’s game continues to fall apart when Christmas asks if he’s going to the pool. He says yes and then asks Christmas if she is, and that was apparently a MISTAKE.

Josh calls out Kevin for being insensitive because Christmas’ foot is broken, and man does it devolve from there. Josh starts going after Kevin’s game, which leads to Josh calling him out for the $25,000 he took on night one. And then Josh goes after Kevin’s kids, and Kevin LOSES his business. It’s like Lord of the Flies, but the decorations are less authentic and it’s a little bit messier. Everyone runs off to check on Kevin, and Josh bursts into tears because that’s what Josh does. Christmas pulls him aside and discusses how this is good information, and you know what? You have to respect Christmas. She’s using the human embodiment of both Sadness and Anger from Inside Out as a shield while she enacts her game plan.

We head into the vote. As stated before, Matt kicks off the night with a penalty vote because he just wants to have fun, y’all. But the votes are unanimous, and Matt leaves the house with 5 houseguest votes and 1 penalty vote, which Julie points out consistently as if to say, JoJo-style, “Leave, get out, right now.”

When Matt exits, Julie wants to know why he’d throw away a half million dollars for a woman he met 72 days ago, and Matt says, “Anyone who’s watched can see she’s an amazing person.” And Julie, just for clarification (because our girl has absolutely no time for the bulls—), leans into it and says, “Do you really think she has a shot to win? She hasn’t won anything,” and that low rumble you heard is America actively gasping at the pettiness. God love you, Julie Chen.

And much like this week’s departure, the HOH competition is a bit deflated because it’s raining in Los Angeles and the competition is delayed for the time being. That’s right…for the first time ever, the HOH competition is on rain delay, and you know what? It’s fine. It seems pretty fitting that on the night Matt leaves, the HOH comp is just kind of…not happening right now. So that’s where we leave it. Tell us what you think. Are you feeling Team Jason and Alex? Do you think Kevin deserves all that vitriol thrown his way? And are you feeling any kind of hope for Christmas because she might just come to life, if she can get Paul out? We’ll see this week because, much like the summer heat, the days of Big Brother 19 are numbered.

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Big Brother

Julie Chen hosts as the houseguests battle it out.

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