Paulie's game fell apart like you fall asleep…slowly, and then all at once

By Justin Kirkland
August 15, 2016 at 01:35 AM EDT
Credit: CBS
S18 E25

Watching a double eviction is kind of like looking back on a rocky relationship — you’re tired, some parts seem fuzzy, there are things you loved and things you hated, and most of all… There are some things you wish you could take back. Tonight is like our own less-quirky version of (500) Days of Summer. There will be less indie music and fewer straight bangs, but we’ll have a look at what happened, what’s happening, and what we might be able to look forward to in the future.

When we left off, Big Meech was scream-crying because she was blindsided by staying around. That’s correct: Bridgette’s eviction was the last thing Michelle expected, and she’s left with Nicole’s wrath post-callout. Somehow, there’s only three girls left in the game. But the way we got there is via the game-change-train Queen Natalie is conducting. Let’s swing back to…

Last Wednesday

Queen Natalie — who, let me state, has not been a player who seemed capable of too much, except for developing a pretty weak alliance called The Spy Girls — decided to change the narrative. She brings Zakiyah into the London room to discuss how Paulie actually doesn’t have her back and how she should be worried about her life in the game. Zakiyah, lacking any perspective, takes Paulie into the Nairobi room and divulges everything Natalie said. Paulie then explains he doesn’t like Jersey girls, but Natalie persists.

Natalie then reports to James, letting him know everything Paulie has said. James goes to Paulie to deal with it, but Paulie just says Natalie’s playing everyone and James is going to get eaten up. Paulie waits around and lets Natalie know in passing that she’s going home, and then follows it up with, “You’re about as fake as the things on your chest.” Natalie returns that with, “I think you’re a great guy, and um, it doesn’t matter what you think of me.” After everyone starts to find out about Paulie’s bomb, the house begins to assemble in the HOH room (where is Victor, even?). Bridgette slyly tries to address the comment with Paulie, and he says, “It was just a metaphor for her personality.” That’s not how metaphors work.

Natalie goes upstairs to take the situation head-on, and Paulie says the problem is that he’s the same as Natalie and it’s all flirtatious. Natalie doesn’t care at all, saying she thinks he’s dishonest and talks behind Zakiyah’s back, which is BOLD because Zakiyah is right. there. Natalie decides to exit the conversation, and Paulie and Corey start a slow clap because that’s what you do when you’re the office toolbag. The best part is watching Paul and Victor share a bag of Cheetos Puffs. Man, I sure could use some Cheetos Puffs. LET’S JUMP FORWARD, THOUGH.

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Last Thursday (Before the Eviction)

NiCorey and Paulie are super stressed out, so they go to the other alliance members with the least amount of backbone: James. He immediately announces he’s not voting out Michelle and neither is anyone else. Paulie runs to Paul immediately and puts him on blast. PP has never been on thinner ice, but Paul goes on the defensive real hard because of friendship, your boy, etc. Paulie runs back to James and slams him really hard, to which James says, “You’re a really aggressive person.” I don’t know what happens from there, because I’m laughing too hard/getting “you’re an aggressive person” tattooed on my body. In short, Paulie is spiraling. Paul and Victor are more flexible on alliances than I was on lunch-table invitations in middle school. And Zakiyah is definitely going home.

NEXT: Since the beginning, bro

Last Thursday Night, Probably

Moving forward, Former HOH Corey (LOLOLOL) is host of Hollywood Squirrels, this week’s HOH competition. It’s a visual competition that requires you to challenge competitors. James beats Michelle in the first round, so he places Nicole against Paul. Nicole is screechy and upset. The former is a given, but it’s fun to say. Paul beats Nicole and places Natalie against Victor. This all continues until Victor ends up in the final round against Paul, and somehow… Victor wins? We have clearly underestimated the power of Victor in this house. The Puerto Rican sensation is literally having the time of his life.

Everyone is psyched because everyone loves Victor, the man they blindsided in a vote of 9-1. Paulie loves him a lot because he can’t wait to ~strategize~ with Victor, who somehow JUST remembered that Paulie backdoored him. That’s when the plan to nominate Paulie and Corey is cooked up, and boy oh boy, I have a feeling Paulie is not going to be chill with this, bro. Guess who doesn’t have to worry at all this week, though? This week’s recipient of America’s Care Package. Nicole is safe for the week and always gets to wear a nifty unitard to let everyone know it. I have feelings about this choice, but you do you, America. You always seem to anyway.

Back to Reality

With Nicole out of the mix and the house as edgy as it’s ever been, we head into the nomination ceremony — you know, where Victor went ba-bonkers on Zakiyah and Big Meech like a crazy person last week. But this week, Victor turns his keys to actually reveal Paulie and Corey’s faces. Paulie seems devastated, but Corey doesn’t seem to know what’s going on. Victor respectfully acknowledges Paulie’s power in the house and how this is a power play, and then further admits Corey is just collateral damage. There are no beads, but the scheme is painful. Paulie is literally crying because he’s been with Victor since the beginning, but then I found this video of Victor being evicted, so it would seem the receipts read otherwise.

Lord, here we go. What are your thoughts? Ready to see the more brazen Calafiore hit the road, or do you hope he makes a comeback? And what about Queen Natalie? Do you love how she’s shaking up the game, or are you not a fan of Jersey girls either? I know it’s not Ben Affleck’s best movie, but guys, Natalie is here to play. We’ll see how it all shakes out on Wednesday.

Episode Recaps

Big Brother

Big Brother

Julie Chen hosts as the houseguests battle it out.

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