Big Brother recap: Fickle Matter
Two power players aim their venom at Danielle and Wil. Also: seagull poop!
Settle down, people. Tonight’s episode was arguably the most boring installment of Season 14 yet. Okay fine, we saw Shane and Danielle make it to first base again, but that plot line has me throwing up in my mouth a little bit more with each passing week. Who else is nauseous? But enough bitching already! That’s what Mike “Boogie” is for (for those of you who missed tonight’s episode). God I hate those quotes in his frickin’ name.
No doubt in the spirit of the London Olympics, this week’s HOH competish was all about endurance. Picking up in medias res, the houseguests were afforded the most luxurious task of dangling from a pirate ship while constantly being pelted by freezing rain and seagull poop. It better had been real.
The women dominated the contest and Danielle won HOH, thanks to some extra encouragement from former Coach Dan. Once again playing the weakling card a la Season 10 and intentionally throwing the challenge, Dan explained, “If [Danielle] doesn’t win, I might be in trouble, so I’m coaching my tail off like I’ve never done before.”
During and after the HOH Competition, Boogie’s panties were all in a wad after Dan revealed that Frank would have been evicted had the coach-turned-player twist not taken effect. Former Coach Boogs informed his ex-player Frank of this new information and the two power players aimed their venom at Danielle and Wil, who, as swing votes, had both promised to keep Frank in the house.
Here we go. Boogie reverted into his usual Mr. Cocky Berserker self, even declaring “I hate hate hate hate that Danielle is the HOH this week. I’d almost be insulted if I wasn’t nominated.” That’s a lotta hate. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate that every time I type “Boogie” I think of “booger”. Just thought I’d get that off my chest.
Can Booger keep his mouth shut? Of course not. Boogs confronted Britney about Frank’s avoiding eviction by the hair of his chinny chin chin, causing Dan – always the peacemaker – to fess up to Britney and Danielle that he made a mistake by telling Boogie that Frank almost went home.
Who wants to see Danielle’s HOH room!? Not Mike Booger. “I can’t stand this girl,” he says, “and I’m not in the mood to see her dole out candy bars.” On the contrary, Shane was eating whatever Danielle is serving. And in the Big Brother house, that usually means good-ole, processed American fodder. Gazing longingly at Danielle in all her HOH bliss, Shane couldn’t help but divulge, “She’s been sharing some stories with me for the past couple weeks and it’s definitely cool to have a story to go aside with a picture.” That’s not a typo, folks.
NEXT PAGE: Ian lovingly strokes his own skinny thigh The next day, everyone seemed to be talking game. Everyone except Mike Boogie, that is. According to him, “I’m Mike Boogie the all-star champion. If I’m not nominated today, I’ll be completely shocked. More importantly I’ll be thoroughly offended.”
Fabio doppelganger Wil confronted Danielle in the storage room to confirm Danielle’s intent to make good on her promise to keep him safe during the last HOH competition. Despite Danielle having just told Britney of her plan to put Frank and Wil up on the block this week, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that Danielle had forgotten about her deal with Wilbio. I don’t want to say she seems like an idiot. But she does.
Speaking of idiots, does Ian own pants? I’m totally rooting for the underdog story here, but wasn’t it painful to watch Ian try and lay his mack down on Ashley whilst Mr. Perfect, Shane, sculpted himself even closer to perfection right in front of them? C’mon, guy.
At the Nomination Ceremony, Danielle took Dan’s advice, choosing not to nominate any of the coaches. Wilbio’s lack of confidence in Danielle was confirmed as he went up on the block along with Danielle’s main target, Frank. Danielle knew she had the power to piss a lot of people off this week. I think it’s safe to say Wil can be added to the top of that list.
His own exclusion from the block just pissed off Boogs even more. “Do these people know who I am?” he asked in the DR. “I am thoroughly insulted that you gave me my key.” I can’t help but give Boogs respect for the shyster he is.
Will Danielle’s picks stay intact and will Frank, her main target, be sent home this week? How long until one of the coaches is nominated for eviction — and will the coaches ally together against the original players? Will a former coach or one of the original players take home the half million-dollar prize this season? Does Ian have a shot in hell with Ashley? Who would win in a fight between Shane and Wilbio? Will Shane and Danielle get to second base (or further) this season?!