The veteran alliance holds strong... for now

By Lanford Beard
Updated July 25, 2011 at 05:00 AM EDT
Credit: Sonja Fleming/CBS
S13 E8

So this season is going… pretty much exactly as you’d expect, huh? Even with all the attempted manipulations and supposed heart-to-hearts, we landed back exactly where we were at this same time last week, only minus Cassi and with the looming question of whether Dom and Adam can pull off a second challenge win to save their skins. If that happens, these people better get a new script next week, or it’s going to be like Groundhog Dayup in here.

How are Lawon and Kalia still flying under the radar? Despite being deemed “super floaters” by Rachel and wearing a pair of Crocs that can be seen from space (Lawon!), they were sitting pretty. Literally. I think that was all they did tonight. Even Rachel said she would rather be napping than listening to Lawon’s gesticulating circumlocution. The safest bet seems to be that they’re weak competitors. Even after Lawon vowed to “fight like a dog,” it seemed like he kind of just lounged around and did him (though props to this week’s best sound bite, “Whose house? Rachel’s house! Whew!”). Was it possible all their moments were left on the cutting room floor? Because there we were at minute 59, knowing nothing more about them this week than the ones before it.

And what a consummate letdown The Regulators turned out to be. Even Dom — who snores like a baby dinosaur, we learned — admitted that his stab at an alliance was an abysmal failure (“the worst alliance of all-time Big Brotherhistory” were his exact words). As such, he scrambled to realign himself with someone, anyone, who could help him. Brenchel were the obvious first stop, and they were iffy at best. Then he paid a little bedside visit to Daniele, who has the most to gain from a strategic, game-changing alliance. If only she or one of the newbies could actually win a challenge that offers them any sort of power. Seeing their attempts to keep head above water have thus far been like watching a Roomba spinning around, bumping into corners, occasionally achieving the most minute of progress, but mainly just spitting out annoying noises.

MVP of the week — if only because she deduced that three bars of soap + opera glasses = David Hasselhoff — was Jordan. Hoff aside, she totally gave the finger to Brenchel by not inviting them to share in the luxury prize in Rachel’s very own HoH suite. And yet, despite this snub, she and Jeff remained safe as kittens.

NEXT: Brenchel lose themselves in the game, gain absolutely no sympathy

Losers of the week (and every week) went to Brenchel. Despite winning HoH, thus ensuring that everyone would have to fawn over her and kiss her ass (and clap after dutifully listening to a personal letter from her sister), Rachel still found herself in a life crisis and nearly whined her way out of her engagement to Brendon. How quickly she went from smug confident post-HoH competition to a blathering mess. And over something as stupid as giving Porsche a clue (mind you, a completely off-base clue) during a luxury competition.

For his part, Brendon was really leading the charge in the sore loser brigade. Threatening to throw in the towel because he missed out on some sushi and some D-grade reality TV? The look in his eyes when he jumped from thinking about leaving to scheming to nominate Jeff and Jordan was straight-up scary. Even Rachel was stunned speechless. On the upside, Brendon’s morph from fiancé to Hulk at least gave Rachel a chance to realize that these kind of histrionics are why people don’t like her and Brendon. It wasn’t exactly news, but she needs these kind of reminders early and often. In the end, the couple accomplished nothing, save to realize that the game is tearing them apart and making them (more) horrible people. But it could fund their dream wedding! The one that only Rachel cares about! Solid priorities, guys.

Honorable mention to The Hoff for trying his darndest to seem interested in this boring group of houseguests. But, as anyone who’s seen an episode of Baywatch knows, even the unhassle-able Hoff has his acting limitations. Wonder if that double shot of denim protected him from Dom’s frisky fingers when he tucked him in. That, my friends, was the very real price of getting another role on TV… even if it is Same Name. We all have to work. Especially The Hoff. Those cheeseburgers aren’t going to buy themselves, you know.

But seriously, wouldn’t you be pretty riled up if your supposed “luxury” prize was to watch a show about David Hasselhoff — wait for it — switching places with another guy named David Hasselhoff? Sure, the sushi looked good, but that’s a pretty janky prize. Then again, I may have overestimated the houseguests’ taste level. One man’s Hoff is another man’s treasure, as they say.

So, how much longer do you think this tenuous veteran alliance is going to hold up? Were Adam and Dom kidding themselves to think they wouldn’t be nominated again? How do you think they’ll fare at the next challenge? Will Kalia and Lawon be up on the chopping block sooner than they think? Or is it curtains for the metal teddy bear and the 25-year-old virgin?

Episode Recaps

Big Brother

Julie Chen hosts as the houseguests battle it out.

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