Tonight's eviction proved a foregone conclusion, and Rachel pulled off a much-needed HoH win

By Lanford Beard
July 22, 2011 at 05:00 AM EDT
Cliff Lipson/CBS
S13 E7
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Despite the veterans’ supposedly crumbling alliance, there was basically no discord in the house after Cassi and Shelly were nominated for eviction. Of course Shelly and Cassi were sad, but it really seemed like everyone knew the score and was swift to say their goodbyes to Cassi from minute one — and she likewise with them.

The only people who showed any response (the word “emotion” might be too strong) were Dom, Jordan, and Shelly whose safety meant Cassi’s jeopardy. Shelly is most broken up, possibly a combined effect of the shock that she’s up for eviction and the residual guilt of her secret alliance with the veterans in week 1. Dom and Jordan, though, were fairly fatalistic about it, knowing they did what they had to do. Jordan’s tearful conversation with Jeff was especially lame since her main reason for tearing up was, “Now I feel like an a–hole.” Own it, honey. This isn’t your first time at the rodeo. The cynical side of me thinks they were just flapping their jaws about it because it killed five minutes in their day. Seriously, there is nothing to do in that house.

But let’s get to the episode’s highlight, shall we? Cassi straight-up confronted Rachel, calling her out for penalizing Cassi for being honest. Rachel’s response that she was bad at the game = a total cop-out. But then Cassi brought the smackdown, telling Rachel, “You’re a catty, catty girl… ugly person inside.” Really hitting where it hurt, she latched onto Rachel’s deepest neuroses (“America hates me!!!”), saying that she was a fan and defended her last season but now knows why everyone thinks she sucks. That was a punch right in the gut. And Rachel said Cassi couldn’t play games.

So what did Rachel do? She went and cried to Jordan, who was awesomely and totally unsympathetic. Her response was, to paraphrase, “Well, you are a bitch. What do you expect?” Rachel kept sniveling, prompting Jordan to say (without a hint of consolation in her voice), “Don’t cry.” This is what your own medicine tastes like, Rach. Brendon finally jumps to Rachel’s defense and makes it clear that he is out to get Cassi evicted. Moments later, Cassi tried to clear the air with Brendon, and he was having none of it. So, just in case it wasn’t already painfully clear, Cassi knew she was done. Why any of them bothered to muster up the energy to get even mildly annoyed by this foregone conclusion is mildly baffling. Again I point to boredom.

The night also introduced us to Adam’s and Dom’s friends and family. We learned that Adam is a Big Brother savant who lost 100 pounds in his undying quest to get on the show and that Dom is a 25-year-old virgin who has never slept away from his mother’s house in his life. Yeah, that’ll cramp your style.

NEXT: Jordan will only slightly hesitate before stabbing her friends in the back

In her interview with the Chenbot, Jordan showed that she was over any guilt about putting Cassi and Shelly up for elimination. Furthermore, she alluded that she will have no qualms about putting Brenchel up for eviction. This week, though, it was too soon in the game and would hurt her alliance. Sort of ironic since Rachel faulted Cassi for poor game play when she has aligned herself with someone who will cut her throat at the first chance. In unrelated news, Jordan said she was in no position to start talking marriage and babies with Jeff yet.

Before the votes were handed down, Cassi essentially said her goodbyes instead of pleading her case. As such, when voting time came, it was no shocker that it was 9 to 0 against Cassi. After Cassi’s ouster, Chenbot asked Cassi about her defeated demeanor. Cassi insisted she wasn’t throwing in the towel and said some blah-blah about how nice Shelly is, like that had anything to do with her eviction. It was petty infighting and mean-girling plain and simple. Even Chenbot asks if Cassi wondered “was it jealousy because [she’s] just so dang pretty.” Cassi laughed casually about schlepping around in sweats and with dirty hair in the way that only exceptionally attractive people can pull off. Face it, Olivia Wilde’s doppelgänger: No amount of dirt or follicular oil is going to hide your hot ass.

Lastly, Cassi denied being a ringleader in the war of newbies versus veterans, claiming those chips were in place the minute everyone entered the house. All she wanted was to play a clean game. But did her housemates think she did? Yes and no. In the exit clips, Jordan and Dom half-heartedly said they were sorry to see Cassi go, though reaffirmed the theory that Cassi was a target because of her looks. Rachel was predictably crusty. And Shelly, a.k.a. Louise, said goodbye to her Thelma one last time. Alas, there was no driving of a convertible into the Grand Canyon. They have to save something for the finale!

This week’s HoH competition was a trivia game in which the houseguests (standing inside a giant laptop, mind you) had to guess, of two options, which the online viewers would have picked. The revelations were as follows: America wants mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Jeff over Brendon; Adam (rather than Kalia) looks like he might piss in the pool; Porsche strikes America as a man-stealing wench; Brendon would save someone from a burning building sooner than Shelly; Daniele looks hotter than Porsche in a bikini. With that, the two remaining players were Brenchel, who both incorrectly guess whether America would cheat off of Jordan’s or Lawon’s test (America picked Jordan). The couple split its votes over which housemate would be more likely to go bat-crazy insane (Adam versus Dom). Rachel correctly guessed Adam, winning the title of HoH. It was an appropriate ending for this episode, which could be classified as moot.

So, what did you think? How awesome was Chenbot’s patronizing “Good for you” after Rachel’s irritatingly chipper HoH win? Will you miss Cassi? Is Rachel’s big mouth going to be her undoing? Can Adam still win it now that his girlfriend has outed him as a BB mastermind? Will you be banging down Dom’s door? Who do you think should be evicted next?

Julie Chen hosts as the houseguests battle it out.
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