Big Brother recap: Dominic is evicted
Tempers flare as deceit is uncovered during the final days of the duos competition.
Break out the Ouzo! Not in celebration of the fact that poor Dominic was evicted, but because, watching Thursday night’s Big Brother, I could have sworn the housemate was Greek. That is, a Greek chorus. I love me a good Big Brother screaming match or needlessly painful competition, but there’s nothing quite as awesome as a player willing to insult every other cast member on his way out the door. And, on Thursday night, Dominic did it right, saying what we all at home have been thinking over the past few weeks: “We all suck at this game,” he said, after labeling them all “spineless jellyfish.” “If I had a player or someone that had a spine to play with me, aside from the last week, I think there would be a game being played, and not what it is right now.” Opa!
Dominic’s absolutely right. Everyone in the house has terrible posture. No, but seriously, it’s undeniable the dude made some bad decisions during his tenure in the house — overplaying his hand in the first week, throwing a veto competition without nary a golden key on the line — but you can’t call his gameplay uninteresting. (You can call Porsche that, though.) At least he spent the first 20-some days trying to do, well, something. Even if that meant trying to flirt with “Venus Fly Donato” (a being that feeds off Gap khaki), and make alliances with nearly everyone in the house, including Brendon’s dozens of discarded bandages. Instead, four horrendously boring alums are the ones rising to the top on Big Brother 13. And all they are trying to do by appearing on the season is make the longest and most unbearable home video chronicling their love ever. It’s for the grandchildren, and so is this trash bin for when they vomit watching Grandma Sparkles kiss Grandpa-Emails-His-Penis.
Jeff even admitted to it. In Dominic’s goodbye package, Jeff — angry at Dominic for telling him that Aslan is a lion — said his goal was to spend a summer with his girlfriend. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but what has helped Big Brother become must-see TV every summer is the fact that the cast is made up of greedy, uncouth boobs who would give up their important career as “One Who Combines Vodka With Red Bull” for a buck. Not a group of cutesy lovebirds more fit for a Judy Blume novel than Temptation Island. I mean, we’re talking about a guy intent on not playing a game based on lies in a game based on lies. It’s like a mime insisting he can make it on American Idol. Or a real, live, actual human being trying to join the cast of Jersey Shore.
NEXT: A Festivus!
This guy is so determined to play an honest game, he even convened a house meeting to air grievances. But before we get to that ridiculous point in the game, let’s rewind to how it began, shall we? At the beginning of the episode, we learned that Jeff, Jordan, Rachel, and Brendon were still angry at Daniele since discovering she was attempting to make the foursome turn on each other. Then, rather than confront Daniele, Jeff compared Dominic’s gameplay to murder and Brendon turned to a groveling Kalia and yelled, “X=-b+(or minus) sqrt. of b-squared -4ac / 2a.” Kalia yelled back that a Ph.D. means nothing, but Manolo Blahniks mean everything, and took her frustration out on a poor water bottle that must have told her that Carrie belonged with Aidan. Then came the house meeting, during which Jeff and Brendon continued to chastise Kalia (and, let’s once again note, not Daniele) for hiding the backdoor plan from them. Kalia responded with the worst rebuttal ever: “She’s my friend,” she said pointing to Daniele. Duh, Kalia. There’s no such thing as “friends,” in Big Brother, just troglodytes with limited mental capacities and gigantic breasts.
Then, however, Daniele offered an interjection that once and for all put me in her corner: “Rachel…you’re an idiot, first of all.” (But she loves science, guys!) I clapped my hands, sat at the edge of my seat, and waited for Daniele to follow-up with a “second of all,” before Brendon once and for all kept me far, far away from his corner by interrupting Daniele with, “Don’t call my girlfriend an idiot. She’s easier than rocket science.” And then Daniele continued to be logical, telling Jeff the reason she encouraged Brenchal to backdoor him was because she felt he was a threat — probably the truest statement on Big Brother this season. Jeff, however, continued to toss Daniele’s comments aside, Dominic became angry that he turned into the scapegoat, and Lawon, from the back of the room, insisted that he was going to play this game, and everyone jumped in their seats, because whoa, Lawon still exists?!
NEXT: Dominic’s departure
After that scene, Dominic was not too surprisingly evicted from the house by a vote of 7-1. Kalia submitted her vote for Dom tearfully, Porsche walked right into a breast implant joke by calling herself a “jellyfish” in the diary room, and Daniele opted to vote for Adam because she’s not afraid to go against “the king and the queen.” Which is a good way of describing them, since Rachel likes bedazzled things, and Brendon likes to point his scepter at random people.
And, of course, the episode ended with the announcement that doubles were over and the start of the Head of Household competition — but we’ll have to wait to find out who becomes ruler of the Big Brother house. That’s right: endurance competition! Personally, I’m hoping Daniele skates by the others for a win during the skiing-themed Head of Household. I need something more interesting to look forward to than Lawon’s wardrobe. But let me turn it to you, friends: Are you digging the drama that began on Thursday night’s show? Should the newbies have stuck together, as Dominic mentioned in his outgoing chat with Julie? Are you pumped that the show is finally, finally headed back to singles territory? Who else wants that hacking Rachel soundbite to be their ringtone? And finally, can Dominic be arrested for being an accessory to backdooring? I’m concerned.
Follow Kate on Twitter @KateWardEW