The Centurions react badly to some tampering, Tigh searches for the Fifth, and Baltar makes Tory cry
Tricia Helfer, Battlestar Galactica

‘Battlestar’: A Cylon Smackdown

One of the things I love about this show is the way that it flips itself on its head to show you just how logical — or illogical — both sides of every argument are. Baltar is guilty of crimes against humanity. Or not. The Cylons are absolutely evil for annihilating humanity. Or did we deserve it? Starbuck is totally off her rocker to think anyone’ll buy her ?’I’ve got a ringing in my ear and it’s leading me to Earth” business. But that’s pretty much all Roslin had to go on — drug-induced visions — when she asked the entire fleet to trust her. So why shouldn’t Kara be angry, manic, even? Why doesn’t she have every right to confront her accuser? (Of course, knocking out guards and holding the head of the government at gunpoint can’t be considered a safe path towards building credibility.)

Since I liked the ?’bulleted” structure of the last TV Watch, I’m gonna stick to it. So, here we go.


Hey, we’re back on the basestar (which always reminds me of a Sharper Image store) and the Cylons have realized that the final five are among the fleet. Some of them have, anyway. The Cavils (horny bastards, aren’t they?first schtupping Ellen Tigh and now watching a Boomer dancing topless) are holding firm to the belief that not only are the Five nowhere near the Colonial fleet, but that Cylons are forbidden from even thinking about them. (There must be a fundamental flaw in their original programming that allows them to think of things they’re programmed not to think about.) The Cavils also believe that the Cylon raiders — the pseudo-sentient fighter planes — should be lobotomized rather than be permitted to think for themselves. ”They’re tools, not pets.? Apparently, the raiders decided on their own to call off the attack on the fleet, likely spurred by the scanning of Anders’ eye, and they can’t be permitted to continue disobeying orders at will.

(It shouldn’t surprise anyone that the Cylons — who believe wholeheartedly in the cyclical idea that ”this has all happened before; and will all happen again? — had been treating members of their own race just as humanity had treated the Cylons. As slaves.)

None of this sat well with the Sixes, who took matters into their own hands and removed the doohickey that inhibited the Centurions from exercising their free will. And they proceeded to unload their free will right into the faces of the assembled Cavils, Dorals, and Simons. See, the Centurions didn’t like what the skin jobs were doing to their metallic brethren, so they went all ED-209 on their asses.

Armed insurrection among the Cylons. Tres interesting. How much do you wanna bet that the Sixes’ next move will be to ”unbox? the D’Annas and find out who the Final Five really are? Six, you are a naughty, naughty awesome girl.

NEXT: Adama, a mean drunk.


Let me just say, for the record, how glad I am that we’ve moved past the ”Look at me! I know where Earth is and you silly bastards won’t listen? phase in our relationship with Kara Thrace. Because even just two episodes in, I was weary of whiny, mercurial Kara. Screaming then composed, crying then steely, pleading followed by cocksure: all without rhyme or reason. She was veering way too close to one-dimensional — which, for a character this historically strong, felt like a betrayal of everything she was about.

And the worst part of it all was that it looked like she was gonna pull Admiral Adama into that uni-dimensional world. For two episodes, his one speed was ”angry.? I’m sure we were supposed to read ”inner turmoil? from his pursed lips and harsh stare, but that wasn’t apparent until Adama’s intoxicated interlude with Roslin.

(Man, Adama is a mean, mean drunk. When he told Roslin that she was most afraid that her death would be as meaningless as everyone else’s, you could see her retreat inside herself, trying to keep from revealing just how much that hurt.)

So Adama cut Starbuck loose. He’s got three mistresses, really: the fleet, Roslin, and Kara. And he can only keep two of them close to the vest. So he gave her a ship and a crew — presumably Helo’s part of that crew — and released her to follow her inner compass and find Earth.


At the behest of Tigh — who always seems to find himself leading some kind of underground movement, first the human resistance and now the Final Four as they search for the Fifth — Tory cozied up to Baltar, who Tigh thinks may know something about the Final Five. Spying him in the mess hall, Baltar dressed like Mr. Furley after a Member’s Only sample sale, Tory sidled up and worked what passes for her ”magic.? Little did she know that Gaius was busy with his own playmate, himself. Seriously, Baltar has a Head Baltar? How perfect for such a raging narcissist. (And the dialogue between them was terrific: ”She is a sexy lady.?)

He couldn’t be the fifth, right? He hung out on the basestar, hip deep in Cylons?they’d have noticed if he was a Cylon, wouldn’t they? But he seemed to know so much about the music that activated Tory, Tigh, Anders, and Tyrol? and he never did give that Cylon test to himself, did he?

I’m not going to say anything about Tory crying while totally frakking Cylon-style, except to say that Baltar’s reaction led me to believe that that wasn’t the first time a woman has cried while having sex with him.


There are ceremonies for everything in this man’s military. Heck, in any man’s military. So it’s no wonder that Lee Adama hanging up his wings was cause for some good old fashioned epic boozing. And what looked like strip poker. Stay classy, Galactica. But before he was gone for good — off to take Baltar’s vacated seat as Caprica’s representative on the Quorum of Twelve — Lee stopped by Kara’s cell for a little heart-to-heart. And lip-to-lip.

As for that last rendering of honors on the flight deck?no, I didn’t tear up at all. I swear.

So, that’s it. Two down, 18 to go. A decent hour, which brought an end (hopefully) to the Crazy-Kara plot and gave us a wicked throwdown in Cylonville. And a fitting, emotional send-off for Apollo (who I guess we won’t be able to call Apollo any longer).

What did you think? Is Roslin going to be able to find a cure for her cancer this time around? Are Athena and Hera going to travel to Earth with Helo and Starbuck? What’ll happen when the Centurions realize that they don’t have to listen to the Sixes either, that the robots with the guns for hands have the power?

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