Hello again, rose lovers! Before we start this week’s “journey,” a housekeeping note: Some of you have asked that I recap the week’s action chronologically, which I am happy to do. To that end, I’ll still be tackling the couple-by-couple action from the week in one recap, but I’ll do Monday’s drama first, and then move on to Tuesday. Let’s begin, shall we!
Part 1: Monday Night in Paradise
The “ladies” have the roses this week.
Jordan and Jenna and Benoit
The male model insists that he and Jenna are “in a good place,” but…
“Are you f—ing kidding me?” Jordan barks, spying “his” girl mid-makeout. “Jenna needs a guy who knows how to use his hands — [Benoit] can’t even throw a Frisbee 15 feet!”
That night, Jordan pulls Jenna aside and pours his Zoolander heart out: “I’m scared that I’m never gonna meet someone like you again, and I’m never gonna feel what I’ve felt the past few days,” says Jordan, adding that his feelings for her are akin to “love at sight.” (You read that right — he forgot the “first.”)
So, is it au revoir to Benoit? Not exactly. Jenna announces that she needs to make a choice, and there will be no more kissing of any guys until… What’s that? Benoit’s tongue is in her mouth again? Oh lord. This, of course, leads to a Benoit-Jordan blowup by the hot tub — but these boys are both too pretty to let things come to blows.
The next day, Jenna is still letting Benoit hang all over her — but as soon as he walks away, Jordan swoops in. Sure, he may not be ready to get married right away, but the male model is looking for love — and he tells Jenna, once again, that he thinks he’s found it with her. Is she impressed, or just uncomfortable from her giant swimsuit wedgie?
Hard to say. Unfortunately, Jordan’s sales pitch is a little lacking. “You’re not meant for anybody else,” he says, sounding not at all like a total stalker. “Today, if you choose him, I’ll say goodbye — and then you call me and let me know how this whole thing went for you.” Miraculously, though, it works! Jenna decides to go with her heart (Jordan) instead of her head (Benoit).
Hurt and angry, Benoit hurls a football into the surf again and again. Whatever, pal — I’m sure there’s a nice woman waiting for you in Canada.
Chris and Krystal and Connor
These two “aliens” (Astrid’s term, but it works) are deep in the lovey-dovey phase, talking about what they’re looking for in a life partner and making out constantly. “There’s really nothing that can stop us,” says Chris. Oh man, why’d you have to go and say something like that?
Yep, Connor — the dude who threw Lincoln’s “wedding” photo in the pool during Becca’s season — has arrived, and he has one thing on his mind: Glitter. Krystal’s feeling it, big time. “You were the person I came into Paradise wanting to meet,” she tells Connor. Krystal informs Connor that she’s too “smitten” with Chris to consider going on a date with someone else, and suggests that he look for a “connection” elsewhere.
Here’s where things get extra painful. Krystal then saunters back to Chris and assures him that she told Connor that she won’t go out with him. Do I even need to tell you that a few minutes later Connor asks Krystal on a date anyway… and that she says yes? The Goose is not amused.
“I did come to [Paradise] to meet someone, that particular person — and you caught me by surprise,” Krystal tells Chris, before asking him in a baby voice if he’ll talk to her when she gets back from her date. “If I’m up,” he mumbles glumly.
As for Krystal and Connor’s date?
I dunno. The date card said something about a “mystical” evening, so… yeah. All you really need to know is that the evening ended with the two of them smooching in the surf. When they return to Paradise, Chris is waiting up to talk to Krystal, but she tells him she’s too tired to talk — can they chat in the morning? You know what this is, rose lovers. That’s right — karma! (Next: How Annaliese got her groove back)