A few nights later, Kenny draws a heart in the sand and sets up a little candlelight picnic for Krystal on the beach… and she decides that’s the perfect time to tell him that she’s not ready to “jump into anything.” Yes, dear Kenny, you are getting #friendzoned — because Krystal just read Who Moved My Cheese? and is ready for some new cheddar.
“I’m not in a relationship at all,” Chris assures Krystal, even though a few minutes ago he told Tia he was “all in” for her. When Colton hears about the Chris-Krystal dalliance, he marches off to inform Tia that her man is garbage. She is not amused.
Annaliese and Jordan and Jenna
What a surprise — when David the dangerous sleeper sees Annaliese getting along with Jordan, he jumps in to warn her that the male model is just “looking to settle.” Jordan counters by setting up a sunset dinner date with Annaliese on the beach, and she LOVES it. “He’s not just the Zoolander model that we get from Becca’s season,” she gushes.
That night, Jordan gives Annaliese a giant stuffed dog — both to ensure that his rose is locked in and to help her get over her past dog traumas. Annaliese gives him the rose — but competition is on its way… from outer space.
Jordan is instantly smitten. “Oh my God,” he moans upon seeing Jenna. “I’m in trouble.” Do I even need to tell you that the attraction is mutual, or that Jenna immediately asks him out on a date? Poor Annaliese is the only one who’s not excited about this development. “We all keep forgetting that Annaliese and Jordan kinda had something,” admits Astrid. “And everyone just keeps talking about how great Jordan and Jenna are together, forgetting that Annaliese is literally sitting there probably freaking out a little bit.”
She should be because Jordan and Jenna are getting along famously on their date.
Because they never miss a chance to make a woman look foolish, Team Paradise intercuts footage of Jordan and Jenna making out with clips of Annaliese talking about how well things are going with Jordan. “I really think I’m going to be standing at the end with a ring on this finger,” she giggles. As the day drags on and Jordan still doesn’t return, Annaliese’s denial starts to weaken. “He was into you, too,” Joe says weakly, trying to cheer her up.
But when Jordan and Jenna walk back in, his big smile and her string bikini (holla, black box of shame!) tell Annaliese everything she needs to know. And to his credit, Jordan immediately seeks out Blonde No. 1 to tell her that he’s now way more into Blonde No. 2.
The male model goes on to inform Annaliese that he’s “saving a place” for her, should things go south with Jenna. That’s what every woman wants to hear, right? Welp, at least they gave her a tissue during her confessional.
It’s possible that the only person more heartbroken than Annaliese about the Jenna-Jordan development is David. The dude is straight-up obsessed with Jordan — why else would he suddenly move in on Jenna with a sad looking birthday cake? “I was disappointed she didn’t take me on the date earlier,” claims David, but it’s more likely the guy knows the only way producers are going to let him stick around is if he stirs up a little drama.
After saying “I’m glad we were able to celebrate your birthday” about 14 times, David finally gets the hint and walks away. “Stop trying to have what I have,” Jordan fumes, as Jenna tries to laugh it off. “Stop being mad,” she tells him. “You’re clenching.”
Astrid and Kevin
Having been “c—blocked” by Kenny with Krystal, Kevin the polite Canuck starts chatting up Astrid, and the two end up making out on the beach. With his c— thus unblocked, Kevin gets Astrid’s rose.
Kendall and Grocery Joe
Is it too soon to declare these two the most adorable couple Paradise has ever produced? She loves that he’s “silly,” “nerdy,” and “very attractive,” he loves her creepy demon voice (“You wouldn’t like me when I’m crazy”) — it’s a (temporary) match made in (TV) heaven! “If I don’t get a rose from you,” Joe says, “I really don’t want a rose from anybody else.” Swoooon.
Though Venmo John comes in hot with a make out sesh at the cocktail party — “I am pleasantly surprised at how much game John has,” marvels Kendall — the perky taxidermy enthusiast makes the right choice and gives Joe her rose. (Next: What’s Venmo John packing down there?)