Paul Hebert/ABC
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S4 E8
September 05, 2017 at 10:04 PM EDT

Let’s face it: Twins make everything better. Without twins, The Shining would’ve been a lot less scary. Without twins, every Mary-Kate and Ashley movie would’ve consisted of either the tomboy OR the girly girl. And without twins, Paradise would’ve delivered another boring episode. But thankfully, Emily and Haley kept that from happening.

Before we get to their big entrance, we start the hour with yet another love triangle that we don’t really care about. Just as Dom talks about how “all the couples here have been through so much” — you know, in the few days they’ve been a couple — Jaimi decides to join the fun. Jaimi says she’s best known for being open about her bisexuality on her season, but I’d argue she’s best known for spelling her name “Jaimi.”

However, after this episode, she’ll certainly be known for being bisexual, because the show milks that fact for ALL it’s worth, even to the point of it being offensive! Fun, right?!

While the episode plays up the whole “which direction will Jaimi swing?” idea, she tries to figure out why no one has snatched up Tickle Monster, the divorcee whose name is Tickle Monster. And just like that, that mystery is solved! She then pulls Christen aside and everyone’s all, “Gasp! The bisexual and the virgin! CAN YOU IMAGINE?!”

Actually yes, because they’re friends, and their sexual history does not define them. At the end of it all, Jaimi takes Diggy on her date, but I hope you didn’t think we were done with her sexuality yet! Once we get past the topic of her nationality — totally normal first-date conversation — Diggy wants to hear all about Jaimi’s life. I mean, it MUST be interesting. She’s BISEXUAL. Talk about some good stories!!!

Just kidding. After all that, Jaimi says she doesn’t even consider herself bisexual; she prefers “fluid.” But either way, Diggy’s never met anybody like her, which she takes as the world’s greatest compliment and not him once again talking about her sexuality.

Meanwhile, Dom is all, “Jaimi’s very different than me.” OH MY GOD WE GET IT.

Before I lose my mind, let’s get to the twins’ portion of the show. Haley and Emily are here, they don’t care what anyone thinks, and they have their sights set on Derek and Dean. After Chris Harrison greets them multiple times just to prove he can tell them apart, he hands them a double-date card and sends them in so they can show us what they mean when they say they’re “The Mr. Steal-Your-Man Women.” (Hint: It means they won’t steal anyone’s men. Also, it means they’re men?)

First up, Amanda pulls her besties aside to update them on the situation. Turns out, that special edition Deanie Baby that Emily wants? He’s taken. And so is Derek (who has no fun nickname because his personality is so painfully bland). Amanda tries to convince them that Jack Stone is “actually fun” and not at all creepy, and that Tickle Monster would be a good option. She also let’s them in on the whole Christen scallops thing, but the twins are more amazed that scallops are not a vegetable.

To sum up this season on Paradise, Amanda says: “Scallops has been with Penguin Matt, Serial Killer Jack, and Tickle Monster.” Next up, Scallops is taking over Gotham City! (Next: The twins lose their minds)

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Chris Harrison goes international with a cast of former bachelors and bachelorettes looking for love… and a chance to extend their reality fame.
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