Things get complicated for Wells when Shushanna arrives in paradise

By Samantha Highfill
August 30, 2016 at 11:22 PM EDT
ABC/Rick Rowell
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If this were a Disney movie, Caila would be the princess, Jared would be the prince, and Ashley is the woman who’s so in love with Jared — but after he leaves her to be with Caila, she’ll have a change of heart and decide to dedicate the rest of her life to becoming the evilest queen in all the land.

After Jared comforts a crying Ashley (an action he’ll later bring up to the evil queen, and to which she’ll respond with a scream/cry that his love wasn’t real), he decides to chase after his princess…literally. Whatever producer made Jared run after the car is an evil genius in his/her own right.

Just like that, Jared and Caila are off — without Jared’s suitcase? — to start a life together and Ashley is left to try picking up the pieces, an act that will undoubtedly fail so she can realize an evil life is the only way.

“He has a golden soul,” Ashley says about Jared. “And no matter what I have to do, it will be mine.” Sorry, that’s evil Ashley speaking.

Adjusting her attitude, Ashley fixes her makeup and decides to look her best when Wells returns. But by the time he does, he’s already holding hands with Jami, yet another action that sends Ashley one step closer to the dark side.

Jami’s feeling confident in her relationship with Wells, but when he talks with Ashley, he explains Ashley’s “emotional maturity” is making him rethink his perception of her. IT’S ALL AN ACT, WELLS. So for now, Wells is simply a confused man who hasn’t made any decisions.

The next day, Wells decides to focus his attention on assisting Jorge behind the bar before two more women from Ben’s season join paradise: Lauren H., also known as the other Lauren, enters and Shushanna’s not far behind.

Jen quickly tells Lauren to ask out Brett — Lauren’s really into lamps — before Shushanna goes after Wells. It seems Lauren and “Shu” are going on a double date, and both Brett and Wells say yes. (How could Wells say no? Shushanna mentioned showering together in their introductory conversation!)

NEXT: Another double date in paradise

With Wells on yet another date, Jami and Ashley “bond” back at the house. As for the double date, the couples head to surfing lessons, because nothing’s more romantic than judging someone else’s balance.

We get our first real glimpse at Brett’s personality when he says, “I brought my bitches to the beaches.” And just like that, let’s hope it’s also the last glimpse we’ll get of Brett’s personality.

All we learn from this date is Shushanna has a nice butt, and Lauren/Brett are way more coordinated than Shushanna/Wells. Also, Brett tried to kill Lauren with his surfboard, so maybe she wants to rethink that connection.

Leaving the date, Brett is feeling confused about Lauren and Izzy… you know, if you couldn’t already tell from the permanent expression on his face. As for Wells, he’s into Shushanna, her wish bracelets, and her general “bond villain” vibe.

Back at the house, Nick is trying to mentally prepare Ashley to go home this week, informing her she’s known to be a clinger, something no man likes. NO MAN WILL EVER LOVE YOU, ASHLEY. This is a crucial conversation in her evil transformation.

After the producers give us a HIGHLY unwanted glimpse into Evan and Carly’s sex life, we are back to focusing on Josh and how, as Taylor Swift says, haters gonna hate. To sum things up: Nick still hates Josh and Josh still doesn’t care. Neither does Amanda, who gets a date card and quickly takes Josh to dinner. (Also, who hashtagged #Jamanda, because clearly some producer has their money on these two in the Paradise pool.)

On their date, Josh and Amanda decide they’re totes meant to be and Josh somehow manages to only say “genuine” once. Then, Amanda leans against Josh’s sweaty chest as the two of them watch fireworks.

By the time the couples return from their double date, Ashley’s decided Wells can either choose her, the “random girl from Canada,” or the “Russian hooker.” And you know what? Wells kisses all three of them.

So while Wells contemplates which woman is best for him, we get one final break before next week’s two-night finale. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m about to go watch some Disney movies.

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