Although no one rocks a mic like a vandal, 'America's Got Talent' takes it to the extreme.
America’s Got Talent is a little different this week. It seems that the rowdier contestants have forced the judges to walk outside to watch them perform death-defying acts of stupidity. Each act involves someone spinning, falling, or catching on fire. Poor Nick Cannon has to stand on the sideline so he doesn’t get blown to bits.
Buckle up, people. It’s AGT extreme week.
Nick explains that the stage just isn’t big enough for some of the acts in store for us. But before he takes the show elsewhere, there are a few performances leftover from last week that we need to see. This includes a woman who can manipulate 20 hula hoops and a contemporary dance duet who brought new life to the term “dirty dancing.” How will any of the other acts top that?
Eleven guys make up The Squad. Traditionally they competed against each other, until one day the best of the best were selected to perform an all-star super crew. Their synchronization is killer. One dude has long hair extensions. This is an important fact to note because his ponytail has its own choreography. Four yeses from the judges!
Daniella was born in Colombia. She had open heart surgery when she was a little girl. Her scar reminds her that she is a warrior. Her voice reminds me that singing opera is difficult. The audience claps in all the right places as she hit the high notes. Daniella is a delight, extremely charming, and I really covet her hair. She receives a standing ovation from all four judges. She’s through to the next round!
Once upon a time, Aiden walked into the U.S. Marshall’s office and announced that he was retiring. As a wanted con artist, he was immediately sentenced to five years in prison. Aiden found a deck of cards and a magic book his first day in the slammer. Now he’s on America’s Got Talent. He walks up to the judges table, spreads out an entire deck of cards, and turns one card over. He puts the deck back in the box and gives it to Howie. Then he asks Howard to make a call on his cell phone, asking that person to name any card in a standard deck. At this point, we learn that Howard calls his mother “Mommy” and she calls him “Darling.” Mommy picks the 10 of hearts. Aiden slowly takes the box from Howie, removes the cards, and flips the one downward facing card over. It’s the 10 of hearts. The judges are floored. Aiden is through to the next round. They have put one magician through every week. Maybe the magicians should take a cue from The Squad and form a super magician group?
Let’s get this out in the open—Uzeyer is an odd duck. I’m not sure if it was a language barrier, the glitz and glamour of the stage, or a good old fashioned short attention span, but Uzeyer was distracted from the beginning. Once he zeroes in on the judges, he tells them that he’s been climbing ladders for 15 years. And let me tell you, that’s exactly what he does for 90 seconds. It’s a lot cooler than it sounds. He went backward, forward, flipping, and spinning. If it can be done on a ladder, he did it. Even if it can’t be done on a ladder, he did it. Including a hand stand. Come on! His showmanship was entertaining too. The judges love him and send him straight through. I can’t wait to see what he climbs next.
Ballerina / Singer
Hanako is 59-years-old woman who has lived in the U.S. for two years. Her performance begins with a bit of ballet. Then she takes the microphone and belts “God Bless America” with the enthusiasm of Uncle Sam. Heidi is first to buzz. She is quickly followed by Mel B. Howard wonders if they hate America? The patriots begin to riot in the audience as Hanako holds that last note just a hair too long. As the only American judge on the panel, (Howie is from Canada) Howard is devastated that the audience’s chants of “U-S-A” do little to persuade the women to send Hanako to the next round. Nick comes out to comfort her and remind the restless crowd that he too loves amber waves of grain.
NEXT: Let’s get extreme
This is the night’s first extreme act and according to Metal Mulisha’s front man, freestyle motocross is the most dangerous sport in the world. Four guys will drive 40 miles-per-hour before launching themselves onto a ramp. They will do a few tricks in the air before landing on another ramp 85-feet away. No thank you. The judges line up behind a barricade and watch Metal Mulisha speed around, one right after the other, flipping through the air with no hands, no legs, and at one point—no bike at all! Howard loves them and vows he will own a bike before the show is over. Heidi develops an ulcer from being worried sick that someone was going to fall. She chugs some Pepto-Bismol and votes yes along with the others. Metal Mulisha lives to see another round!
Picture your favorite boy band member from whatever decade you happen to love boy bands. Slap a makeshift water jet pack to his feet and you’ve got darling Damone Rippy of Austin. He’s 16-years-old, rocks a mean set of abs, and every girl in the audience under the age of 20 just Instagrammed his performance before standing in line to get his autograph. Damone flips, flies, and twirls 45-feet in the air, favoring a water-loving Iron Man. After a few double backflips, he even manages to bust out a few salsa moves on his board. The judges and the prepubescent teens all approve. It’s a yes!
After a little bit of meditation, Cliff plans to jump out of a helicopter. He admits that he’s always been a bit on the crazy side. (Yes, Cliff. We gathered that.) He explains that he will be 3,000 feet in the air, but it’s a short 19 seconds from the helicopter to the ground. The goal? To make it to the landing area. The other goal? Don’t die while trying. Once he’s up in the air, he dangles from the struts of the helicopter for a few seconds before letting go. Heidi constantly encourages him to open his parachute, shouting “PULL IT” no less than 73 times. When he finally opens his chute, he gracefully maneuvers himself to land a mere foot or two from the judges table. When he receives his unanimous yes vote, he smiles. The next round is in Manhattan and buildings are “his thing.”
Wally may be a web developer by day, but he’s a straight up lunatic by night who you can call Pyro Boy! He likes to attach various fireworks to his body and then light them. Needless to say, things get a little hot when this happens. Of course, the smoke poses a bit of a problem, so Pyro Boy has to dance about to keep things interesting. Howard tries to push his buzzer, but it doesn’t work because silly electricity isn’t extreme. After a few minutes, the fireworks fizzle out, someone extinguishes Pyro Boy for good measure, and other attendants take care of the small fires burning the grass. Don’t worry Pyro Boy. AGT will take care of the ticket from the city. Although I have no idea what his next act would entail, Pyro Boy is through to the next round.
Dr. Danger and his Daredevil All-Stars
Here’s an act worth a million dollars—drive a school bus straight into two other school buses and hope that they don’t blow up! Brilliant! Don’t knock it until you try it. This is what Dr. Danger lives for. One of his buddies has been run over by a train and has a hook for a hand and a prosthetic leg. This is child’s play. Nonetheless, the All-Stars shout screams of adoration and love before Dr. Danger takes a trip around the track, lines up the ramp, and purposely crashes into two other buses. Thank goodness roughly 30 members of the LA County Fire Department were on hand to witness and help cut the boys out of the bus since the door no longer opens. After they get four yeses from the judges, my hope is that their next crash is with a battleship. How cool would that be?
Which extreme act was your favorite? Did you love the trampoline jumping basketball quartet? Did you laugh when the crazy stunt driver asked Nick to join him in his truck for a quick trip on two wheels? Do you secretly want Dr. Danger and the Daredevil All-Stars to win? If anything, Nick should sell one of his shoes so that guy can get a new leg.