American Idol recap: Elise Testone eliminated
Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Okay you can scooch back now. No surprises here: Your wacky aunt Elise was eliminated on last night’s Elise Testone and the Tiny Teens. They can finally change the name of the show. (Tiny Queens.)
Last night the judges knocked Elise’s obscure Jimi Hendrix song choice, and tonight Jimmy Iovine ragged on her Queen choice as well. He called it a “monotone stadium anthem” that had “come off clubby — like I was in a nightclub somewhere in the back of beyond.” Funny, “a nightclub somewhere in the back of beyond” seems like exactly where Elise has been wanting to perform this whole time. She was sick of performing in bed and bath, is all. It may be time to start living in a tent.
Elise and this show had fallen out of love long ago. Why else would she be spending her afternoons making origami animals at lonely outdoor cafes instead of shopping at the American Idol Outlet Mall (just a giant oval of Tommy Hilfigers) and driving a Ford? Skylar’s gotta have it, Ryan!
Skylar Laine may have been the star of the Ford Music Video (and this is officially the highest word count I’ve ever devoted to the Ford Music Video), but she landed in the bottom three this week along with Elise and little Hollie Cavanagh. Jimmy criticized Skylar’s decision to go with Jason Aldean’s “Tattoos On This Town” — “If you’re going to do a song for one town, it has to appeal to the whole country,” he snarled. “In my opinion, she got knocked out in round two.”
Good try with the foreshadowing, Jimmy. Skylar was safe!
Unsung Hero of the Night:
The teen girl shrugging it off like it ain’t no thang after she didn’t get a Ryan Seacrest handshake. (The years of shame and regret will kick in tomorrow.)
My Very First Animated Gif!
J. Lo had a whole lotta love for Elise’s farewell song.
NEXT: Katy Perry honors Jessica’s military dad with a special song Katy Perry amuses me greatly. I love visual spectacles and bright colors and I can tell she works her hotpants off to deliver her signature brand of twinkly electric bleu cheese — you think you can eat it but nope! it’s made of vinyl! so quirky — to tiny teens across the world. But this fluffmonster CAN’T. SING. LIVE. The fact that nobody seems to care is part of the reason I find Katy Perry so amusing. At least she wasn’t lip syncing! It’s a tradeoff. Though I guess — in the grand tradition of American Idol results shows — either way we lose.
Anyway, Katy, whose current persona is “purple-haired military ragamuffin,” performed “Part of Me” with her high school poms squad in army fatigues. Part of Me also happens to be the name of Katy’s upcoming 3D feature film — presumably a war documentary set on a planet made of cotton candy. May the most explosive fireworks bras win!
Stefano Langone returned to perform his new single, “I’m On a Roll.” Is that what we’d call it? The most memorable thing about this line dance was that Stefano’s backup dancers’ shoes were black with red bottoms, while Stefano’s were red with white bottoms. Meanwhile, just FYI, Colton Dixon is still looking for his top.
“I’m gonna live tonight like it’s the last night of my life,” said Stefano’s song. So I immediately got Usher’s “DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again” in my head (“dance, dance like it’s the last, last night of your life”) and then sort of lost interest in both of them.
I can’t stand those TMZ creeps so I won’t even get into that.
Roger Taylor and Brian May had hand-picked some contest winners to be part of a new superweirdgroup called The Queen Extravaganza. I’ve become so very fond of these two original queens this week. What a cute idea — they get to keep performing as legends, unknowns get to live out their dreams alongside their idols, and oh look, now they’re all on American Idol. I just could not stop grinning at all of this. And how the hell did they find someone with Freddie Mercury’s EXACT MOUTH?
Oddly enough, after I posted the Queen night recap, I spent my witching hour (4-5 a.m. as I furiously search for typos) falling down a Freddie Mercury rabbit hole. I ended up watching this otherworldly live version of “Somebody to Love” over and over. In fact, I miss it. Here we go. Do yourself a favor and press play.
, readers. Anyone feel like drinking seven beers on top of a piano?
We’re down to five! Who’s going to win this thing?
Ask Annie anything about ‘Idol’ (or whatever) in the video player below. To see her answers to previous questions, click on the text links below the picture. This is *not live*.
Ryan Seacrest hosts as Katy Perry, Lionel Richie, and Luke Bryan guide aspiring singers on their way to superstardom.