One of the top 6 skedaddles home; Crystal Bowersox and Bruno Mars perform
Credit: Michael Becker/Fox/PictureGroup
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“A lot of fans are going to be disappointed with tonight’s result,” warned Ryan. Wait a minute. That could be anyone!

American Idol bid farewell this week to Casey Abrams, the eminently cheerful jazz enthusiast who releases all his pent-up aggression through a very tiny hole. Is that gross? His words, not mine! Casey may have been better suited for a stage musical than a reality show, but I take my fedora off to him and fling it into the ether! for being one of the most intriguing weirdos to ever hit the Idoldome. Season 10 would have been much more boring without him.

Did anyone else feel more love than ever before for Casey during his final performance of “I Put a Spell On You”? As an avid Wayne’s World fan, I appreciated the hilarious missed-high-five from a dude in the front row (“Denied.”) and the “I’m not worthy!” kneel from James Durbin. Plus, Casey was so in his element here — bopping around, giving lefty handshakes to the judges, smooching most of the front row (and Jacob’s family). Nearly everyone got an affectionate cheek-swipe from America’s favorite beard.

Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude:

This is such a mom thing to say. Love it.

NEXT: Ryan takes care of chores around the house while making us wait…and wait…Casey’s parents are the best, by the way. For all I know, every time the camera panned to them, it was the same still image of them just grinning broadly, so proud of their eccentric offspring. But that’s the kind of support we love to see. And they’re all so nice. I bet if the world were about to end unless someone in the Abrams family said something mean with a straight face, we’d all be dead. What a lovely scenario! That’s just what you want to read on a Friday.

At least Casey’s “Breakfast Club via David Cook” exit package was chock full of goodies, like Randy’s assertion that Idol had never had a more talented musician than Casey, and fun footage of Casey kicking around stuff on the kitchen island while eating something out of a huge bowl. You gotta pack that bowl, man.

After he announced Haley Reinhart as safe, Ryan somehow managed to aptly but very annoyingly draw out the results for days and days. He sent three of the Top 6 back to the popularity sofa, knitted a sweater, dragged everyone back up again, watched a pot of water relax on a stovetop for a few hours even though no one had bothered to turn on the gas…and eventually told us that there was no official bottom three this week! So even though Scotty McCreery and Jacob Lusk were onstage with Casey for the big reveal, it was all just for “drama.”

When Jacob was “SAFE,” Steven’s mouth opened and closed in vague recognition. Talk about drama.

Jimmy Iovine offered his expert opinion on each of our Idols. Some highlights: Scotty is the modern-day Johnny Cash, Lauren is “here for the long run,” Casey was mistakenly campaigning for votes among household dogs, James can win this thing, Jacob dresses like he’s on Dancing With the Stars (uh, hardly — get back to me when he’s swathed in nothing but sequins and fringe, you know-nothing), and Haley “doesn’t know who she is yet.” Upon hearing this, Haley, onstage with Ryan, let out a big, bad swear word, or maybe a few. I hope a few. I don’t think she should have jokingly begged “Somebody tell me, huh?” but I was proud of her for addressing the obvious: “We’re doing themes, right?”

NEXT: The Bruno Mars/Fiona Apple comparison you never knew you wanted

Season 9 runner-up Crystal Bowersox returned for a hearty performance of “Ridin’ With the Radio.” Good stuff! She looked amazing, not that this is the be-all-end-all of things that matter, but she did. I didn’t hear one bunk note, and realized during her seamless segment that I’ve been getting pretty nervous for the Idols all season. Nervous is probably the wrong word. I just feel uneasy when scaredy cat Lauren gets up there, for example, like I’m about to watch someone shuffle a few more inches down the plank instead of like I’m about to watch someone put on a show. Watching Crystal just felt comfortable. Love her.

Later, it was time for a pre-taped Bruno Mars segment that was so polished and well-edited it was practically a music video. Stop putting the Ford corporation to shame, you happy little man! I’ve decided that Bruno Mars’ “Lazy Song” is pretty much the young male version of Fiona Apple’s “Waltz (Better Than Fine).” No I don’t believe in the wasting of time…but I don’t believe that I’m wasting mine. That one is my ultimate anthem, but if you prefer meeting a really nice girl and having some really nice sex to going out, sitting on the lawn, and doing nothing, go ahead. ‘Cause it’s just what you must do, and nobody does it anymore.

The Top 6 also visited the British consulate in honor of the royal wedding that at this point I might as well just stay up and watch. Yeah, right!

I loved that Fred Willard refused to push Casey into the pool, but asked Jeeves (I like to assume there was an appropriately named lackey hovering around) to “bring one of these starlets around” so he could push her in instead. Second best part: extreme side-eye from a cater waiter as the Idols imitated British accents.

Time to wrap it up, esteemed colleagues:


Bye bye, Beardy.

Episode Recaps

American Idol

Ryan Seacrest hosts as Katy Perry, Lionel Richie, and Luke Bryan guide aspiring singers on their way to superstardom.

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