American Idol recap: Lady Sings the Blues

Ashthon Jones, the little diva that, as it turns out, couldn’t, had to choo-choo out of the Idoldome in American Idol‘s first finalist elimination of season 10. She tried to show her “softer side” instead of her “edge” (WHY?) and ultimately choked this week. America made the right call. In fact, the only thing less surprising than Wild Card Ashthon’s demise was that J. Lo wore a blouse with one sleeve made entirely out of whipped cream to complement her mustard skirt. The condiment-starved Randy Jackson barely knew where to stare.

Ashthon told Ryan and America that she’d chosen the wrong song for Wednesday’s “musical heroes” night…and then proceeded to sing the same wrong song for her life in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Modern Day Idiot. She came close, but the judges decided not to use their only Save on the one-time Beyoncé impersonator. By the end of the hour, Diana Ross and David Cook’s words had blended rather uncomfortably into one powerful message: “When You Tell Me That You Love Me, Don’t You Forget About Me.” But dramatically dry-eyed J. Lo has likely already forgotten.

Haley Reinhart and Karen Rodriguez joined Ashthon in the bottom three after Sneaky Seacrest had pulled a major fakeout on Karen. “You’re all safe…EXCEPT KAREN!” he triumphantly announced to Jacob, Stefano, and Karen. Ryan!!! Jeez. Watch your mouth, and work on your fake-sadness (pictured, top) while you’re at it. The poor lady-trio also had to sit through Ryan intro-ing Diddy Dirty Money (whose “name” I have not been able to type with a straight face even after five attempts) and Ryan imploring the rest of the contestants to get up and celebrate their collective safety on the popularity sofa in front of their fallen comrades seated on the stools of doom. A little celebration! he urged them. Ryan, seriously! Find your lane.

NEXT: Filler, more filler, and His Hotness Adam LambertThe rest of the results show achieved new heights in product placement and general pointlessness, and Idol better not let me down in these two very important fields every Thursday. Ryan made sure we knew exactly what Red Riding Hood was: a movie (read EW’s review) starring tiny, gorgeous, alien-eyed studio audience member Amanda Seyfried. Good for her for grinning through that. Then there was a jumpy Ford Focus commercial in which I could have sworn all of the contestants (except sick Casey Abrams) were “wallpapering their lives” or something abstract like that, but I guess they were just setting up a stage to sing on. Ewwww, functionality? What a buzzkill. Zombie Steven Tyler does not approve.

The Top 13 mouthed their way through a not-nearly-as-painful-as-season-9 group dance: a Michael Jackson medley in which Jacob was easily the most fun to watch and Pia/Stefano seemed to get the most screen time. At one point, the children swarmed the three fate-determiners and J. Lo lunged to either sculpt L’Alaina’s hair or wring her neck. What a joy to just be touched by Her, though.

And speaking of a taste of the good life, the kids got to scurry around the California version of Daddy Warbucks’ Fifth Avenue mansion from Annie. Haley was like little orphan Molly, weeping softly to herself about how glad she was that they’d found a house large enough to contain her feathered earring collection. Casey dipped his face into the pool to determine whether it was real. Speaking of pool, Ford gave them a pool table. Now that’s what I call fusion!

Finally, Adam Lambert did an “unplugged” acoustic version of “Aftermath,” which I rather enjoyed, especially in the context of his new, shapely hairstyle. What a good-looker, that Adam. So charitable. So serene. Like an obedient little web soldier, I did exactly what Adam told me to do and went to listen to the “Aftermath” dance remix at AdamOfficial.com and liked that one even better. Sorry, AdamAcoustic. The middle-aged gay man in me was begging for it! Now if only he could force me to work out…sort of like J. Lo forced Adam to join her in a private tutorial of the Dougie after the show. That move is so hot right now. I’m so jealous.

Esteemed Colleague Email of the Week:

Yes! That’s exactly what is happening in “The Remix.” You better bring it next week, Durbin! Ears are pierced for a reason, and the reason is TO WIN.

Bonus Baldwin! Speaking of the lovely, talented, self-slapping Kristen B., catch the two of us chatting about this week’s Idol with Dalton Ross on today’s InsideTV Podcast! Click on the audio player icon below, or subscribe on iTunes and take the podcast with you on the go.

See you next week, everyone. It’s almost the weekend. Get up off your popularity sofa and be happy about it! Come on, you’re safe from Ryan’s orders for a few more days. A little celebration!?!

Read more:

‘Idol’ coaches dish on the Top 13 — EXCLUSIVE

All ‘American Idol’ recaps

All ‘Idol’ on-the-scene reports

EW.com’s ‘American Idol’ Central

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett