The most interesting top 3 contestant heads home; Il Volo, Nicole Scherzinger, and 50 Cent perform

By Annie Barrett
Updated May 20, 2011 at 09:35 AM EDT

No time like the very beginning of a results show recap for an Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude, right, America?

Hey, dreams unwind; love’s a state of mind, man. Much to her surprise and chagrin, the sassy ‘n’ sexy Haley Reinhart was forced out of the Idoldome last night. I guess it makes sense. She’s kind of too good for this show anyway — or at least she didn’t fit in at all with the America’s Got Country vibe of Top 3 week. Good lookin’ out, Haley!

I loved how our lil’ growler improvised “Bennie and the Jets” to include Randy, J. Lo, and Steven’s names. This girl has become an expert seller of a very specific type of freewheeling yet calculated performance, and really couldn’t give a crap whether you like it or not.

Haley’s windblown departure leaves Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina to out-twang each other (yeah right…Scotty wins, correct?) in THE YOUNGEST IDOL FINALE EVER next week.

NEXT: Teens are taking over the world! Teens! They’ve got the power. Case in point: three tenor teens from Italy who look like the least likely opera singers ever. If you don’t have a favorite Il Volo guy by now, you are officially not participating in pop culture/society. Duh, the dude with the retro red glasses. He was the funniest. F— you, Randy, for copping those frames. Way to corrupt my fashion fantasy of the evening. You know this is all I have to live for.

Other power teen Elle Fanning hooked up with Ryan in the audience (ewwww) to semi-plug Super 8 but mostly eat up a grueling 90 seconds to giddily reveal to America that her younger cousin’s fave contestant is Scotty. Gosh, she’s pretty. Pretty long-winded!

Nicole Scherzinger dropped by to show all the teens her “This Is How I Do It” (read: this is how I have sex) dance moves and hot bod. She like this and she like that, so the grammatically incorrect children’s storybook goes. 50 Cent was there too. She led him on and let him go. Whatever, Pussycat. Was there no other brand new Beyoncé video to debut? Bummer.

Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude

Hey, look who just woke up. What’s up, Doc? J.J. Abrams did show up to very awkwardly offer the final four contestants a private screening of some scenes of Super 8. Wouldn’t it have been so much more comfortable for everyone involved if someone had popped up in the background to tug the shirtsleeves of Scotty, Lauren, Haley, and that other guy and let them in on what was likely not common knowledge to them: “This is a co-creator of Lost! Plus, everything.” I feel like J.J. Abrams deserves better than four youngsters staring at him blankly as he gives off a creepy “step into my screening room” vibe.

Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude

NEXT: Scotty’s hometown visit gives me goosies Goosies! I had ’em big time, from the moment The Body sauntered down the steps of his pointy-toed private plane. Yep, the most emotionally powerful part of the episode was tender footage from Scotty’s hometown visit to Garner, North Carolina, where the former checkout boys stand in triumph on grocery store conveyer belts and random women weep on dirt roads, because He is risen.

Josh Turner surprised Scotty at his hometown concert to personally thank him for teaching All the Teens his song about babies who can lock doors, and then Scotty spent the rest of the day rather adorably meandering through crowds in a trail of tears.

Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude

The esteemed colleagues are in it to win it tonight with solid advice for Scotty!

Haley’s and Lauren’s hometown visit footage resonated as well. What are baby goosies? Goslings? Ryan Goslings? (Definitely just googled “baby goose” to see what was up.) Haley’s was cute for me because her suburban Chicago high school looked exactly like mine (same school colors, too), whereas finding something to awwwww at in Lauren’s segment was a bit easier because she “interviewed” a tiny man who had saved his diapered brother from the storms near her area.

Rule of life: little boy in a tie = instant baby goosies.

What else happened? After Instant Baby Goosies (starring Lead Actress Jennifer Lopez, coming constantly to a TV near you), is there anything more to say?

Bye Haley. Bang on, rebel woman.

Oh, and in case you decide to stay in L.A….

Ready for a Scotty/Lauren finale, everyone? Have the teens taken control of your hometown yet?

See you next week.

Annie on Twitter

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