The judges pretend to be on pins and needles as Top 7 become the Top 6; Kris Allen and LMFAO perform

“This is what you have decided at home,” Ryan Seacrest scolded us. Yes Ryan, along with all of our other sordid activities, we did not vote enough times for American Idol‘s wild-haired rocker Colton Dixon this week. Right now I’m picturing Colton as the garage-band teenager in that Siri commercial. “I’ll call you Christian Rock God, okay?”

I didn’t expect Colton’s elimination — I think I’d been conditioned by Jimmy Iovine (#donttelljimmy #jimmydontcare) to believe that the only people voting are teenage girls who think the white boys were cute. I expected Elise Testone to go home this week.

Turned out Hollie Cavanagh had landed with Colton in the bottom two. Elise had been hanging out on the stools of doom with those two until Ryan sent her sashaying back to the couches in her finest Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion corporate casual wear. She’ll have the business woman’s lunch special, Ryan, when you get a chance.

Colton had to save face after they’d shown a clip of him reacting to the judges’ disapproval of Wednesday night’s “September” performance. “Honestly, I’m not trying to sound cocky, but I don’t care,” he’d said in the heat of the moment. So he apologized for not being himself that night. “I appreciate what you told me and I’ll take that when I’m making a record.” Yes baby, yes baby, cooed J. Lo. You’re going to make soooo many records. Colton then launched into his favorite worship song, Lifehouse’s “Everything.” According to the lyrics, all he wants and needs is God.

Colton doesn’t want it anymore, Ryan!

So now, surprisingly, there are four girls and only two guys left. Guess who’s happy?

This is a much better image of P. Phil to carry you through the week than the one of him devastated by his buddy’s exit. Phillip also reacted hilariously to the idea of J. Lo thinking he was so sexy this week. “Hey, what’s your number?” he asked, stroking his chin. “Your daddy let you date?” Hot.

NEXT: LMFAO get wasted on a bottle of water Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude:

Poor Taylor Hicks, all dressed up for the early bird special in a light blue linen jacket. He’s performing in Vegas, which is the least shocking revelation of all time. We won’t let you sing, but we will let you yell out the name of another winner…..

…Season 8’s Kris Allen! Awww. I always forget how attractive he is. Kris sounded great on “The Vision of Love” from his album Thank You Camellia. Is Camellia the weirdo who gifted him a spinning stone-carved piano that looked like it had been airlifted from an animated castle in a Disney movie? She should be thanked indeed. That thing was mesmerizing.

Ryan followed up on last night’s verbal tribute to his mentor Dick Clark with a fun reel of Clark’s legacy — highlighting the way American Bandstand “changed the way we listened to and perceived pop music” and how it paved the road to American Idol itself. I loved that clip of young Diana Ross thanking Clark for everything he’d done for the music biz.

“These guys would have been a great act for American Bandstand,” said Ryan, and he had to have been kidding because all of a sudden two clowns from the Cirque du Solame had joined him onstage. Ugh, I can’t with LMFAO. Can we not? I’ll just not.

The increasingly dreaded Ford Music Video presented the contestants as glorious drag queens in the sky. Get psyched for Fox’s new Idol spinoff series RySeacrest’s Drag Race, premiering May 23 after the finale. #donttelljimmy

Farewell, Colton. This is how I’ll remember you, always.

Did the right person go home tonight? Do you wish you had a pink pet zebra?

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Episode Recaps

American Idol

Ryan Seacrest hosts as Katy Perry, Lionel Richie, and Luke Bryan guide aspiring singers on their way to superstardom.

  • TV Show
  • 16
  • 574
  • ABC