Would the judges use their one save of the season on the first least-popular singer of the Top 13?
What are you, nuts?
Of course they didn’t! Leggy splatter-paint dress enthusiast Kristen O’Connor has been eliminated to the surprise of no one. But here’s a bit of a shock: Malaya Watson and M.K. Nobilette joined Kristen in the official Bottom Three. Malaya had set the stage on fire in a bad way during last night’s “This Is Me” performance, whereas M.K. had trouble igniting a spark. Even so, I’d considered both of these likable ladies frontrunners. If this will be another season of girls dropping off the face of Planet CokeFord one by one (see: all the other seasons except last season, which had no amazing guys by design), I will be very bummed.
The results show opened with a surprisingly compelling group performance (I’m going to have to return to this recap again and again for proof that I ever typed those words in that order!) of “Radioactive,” that Imagine Dragons song that practically one-third of the season 13 contestants had already sung during their auditions. Anything that reminds me of So You Think You Can Dance‘s delightful follow-the-leader romp through the backstage area is a winner in my book! Seriously, put on the ritz and click on that.
I rather enjoyed the new “Idols at a Fancy Dinner” segment, where the contestants sit around and have scripted conversations, Real Housewives-style. Up tonight: Jokes (Ben said Caleb actually voted for Sanjaya), vocab failures (Ben doesn’t know what “kitschy” means; will someone clue him in so he can interpret Keith Urban’s constructive criticism correctly?), and Twitter boasts (Zach Myers @’ed Jessica Meuse; oh yeah, well, Janelle Monae @’ed Majesty Rose, so there). I can’t wait until someone flips a table during some sort of never-before-imagined INSTAGRAM FOLLOWERS SHOWDOWN. Bring it, bitches! #nofilter
Can the judges do a weekly version of the fancy dinner, too? Keith Urban might finally be compelled to get naked for Harry and Ryan if things get crazy. And we don’t want to let Harry Connick Jr. and Ryan Seacrest down. There will be chocolate chip cookies for Jennifer. It’ll be nice and sweet and sexy, all right?
Speaking of chowing down, I could definitely get behind Harry Connick Jr.’s Hollywood Diet of cupcakes and cheese:
Ugh, never mind, he didn’t eat it. The true life Hollywood story.
NEXT PAGE: Candice Freaking Glover! I’ve buried the lead here big-time, which is that season 12 winner Candice Glover KILLED IT on her mini-medley of her singles “Cried” and “Same Kinda Man.” Is it possible her voice has only gotten bigger and more refined since last year’s vigorous weekly workout session on the Idol stage? You listen to that woman sing and it’s virtually impossible to imagine any other competitor winning. (That’s basically a one-sentence summary of the entire last season!) She is so good. Music Speaks, y’all.
Then there was Jake Bugg, Keith Urban’s chosen “tastemaker” special guest. This guy has a very unique and consistent voice and his own album at age 17. The season 13 hopefuls watched him from the couches, possibly thinking “Huh. Why doesn’t this lucky bastard have to emote?” Well, because that lucky bastard isn’t competing to connect on camera.
I transcribed every single thing Randy Jackson said about the Top 13 (he’s the new Jimmy Iovine but with “swag”) and now cannot bear to live with myself let alone re-share his wisdom with you. Can you forgive me? I know it’ll be hahhhhhhhhhhhd. (Keith-speak.)
In the end, the judges barely had to pretend to deliberate over whether to use their Save as Kristen shakily belted out Adele’s “Turning Tables” a final time.
Will you miss Kristen? More than J. Lo will, at least?