There's got to be more than Phyllis than just her cats

By Christina Ciammaichelli
July 14, 2016 at 01:43 AM EDT
Christos Kalohoridis/CBS
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The Hawthornes got surprisingly hot and heavy in this week’s episode. Plus, Cam did more drugs and Phyllis continued her reign of terror. Let’s recap American Gothic!

We’ll start with the new developments in the mystery at hand. Everyone was quick to jump on board with the idea that Gunther is the Silver Bells Killer (SBK). Many aspects of this theory check out: He’s not rich, but he works for (and maybe despises) a rich family; he was around the tunnel work site; the DNA on the belt did not belong to the Hawthornes; and Gunther had access to the belt. Case closed, right?

Not quite. It turns out that upon further investigation, Gunther himself would not have been available to commit all of the SBK crimes in question. Was he working with a partner or covering up for someone else? Maybe. We also learned the Hawthornes aren’t as clear from this case as Brady thought — even further investigation found that the supposed Hawthorne-family DNA sample wasn’t from the Hawthornes after all. Tessa planted someone else’s hair in her brush to test Brady on whether he’d actually listen to her wishes and not use their DNA.

How shady is that? When did Tessa have time to plant hair in her own brush? The fact that she would set Brady up seemed pretty out of left field for Tessa. Could she have a dark streak we don’t know about? Needless to say, Tessa and Brady are on the outs, and towards the end of the episode we see Brady threatening to put his career over his marriage. He promises to solve this case and “do his job,” regardless of which Hawthorne might be involved.

Elsewhere in Boston, Alison is showing her lady-in-the-streets-but-freak-in-the-sheets side by sleeping with both her husband and her campaign manager, Naomi (which all parties are totally cool with), in what ended up being quite the 50 Shades twist. (Just out of curiosity, what happened to Violet and Harper? Are they at the same science camp as Jack? Their parents are so busy!)

Sexcapades aside, Alison had much bigger issues to deal with when Madeline informed her that a victim of the tunnel collapse who lost her foot was planning to sue Hawthorne Concrete. Madeline thought they were off the hook for this sort of problem since selling the company, but Alison lets her know Tom actually purchased Hawthorne Concrete through those mysterious “Moscow investors,” and they are still, in fact, on the hook for this. Alison and Tom team up to manipulate and buy out the victim, which (hilariously) doesn’t work.

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Tom comes across an old document indicating the incumbent mayor signed off on a safety inspection of the tunnel. Alison decides to pressure the mayor into helping her get the victim to drop the lawsuit, saving them both from being held accountable. Now, I’m not really going to examine the way they went about this (a video from ‘the cloud’? Are people really still confused about how clouds work?) because it seemed to be just a tad improbable (attorneys, please weigh in), but the bottom line is Alison and the mayor teamed up to get the woman who lost her foot to drop the lawsuit against the city and Hawthorne Concrete. Justice for all!

NEXT: “There’s nothing more important than family. Nothing.”

Over in our favorite drug addicts’ lair, Cam and Sophie do their best Requiem for a Dream impression when they find out Gunther’s suicide might remove Cam as an SBK suspect. We learn Sophie’s unlimited supply of dope is thanks to a $4,000 debt she owes a dealer, and said dealer beats the crap out of Cam when he doesn’t get his money. Cam gets him back later, though, in what I could only assume to be a drug-induced surge of strength, because this guy was, like, three times Cam’s size (no offense to Justin Chatwin).

We don’t find out what Garrett is up to until roughly 20 minutes into this episode, but you could probably guess — he’s still stalking Christina. As he watches her from afar in a dark bar, she approaches and then chastises him for not saying hello sooner. She’s quite giddy, which she attributes to the fact that they’ve caught SBK and her father’s killer is finally dead. Despite Garrett’s zombie-esque, pale, unwashed appearance, Christina can barely contain herself and they have sex outside the bar. Later, they go on a picnic and Garrett says some crazy stuff about how “maybe [the serial killer that murdered her father] didn’t mean to hurt her.”

In the final scene of this episode, we see Zombie-Garrett and Christina dancing and undressing in Christina’s apartment. Garrett removes his belt and contemplatively grips and stares at it, but the scene cuts out before we see his next move.

SO, will Garrett be using his belt for something other than holding up his pants? Are Tessa and Brady looking at a SBK-induced divorce? Will we find out any more about Caramel’s brother, Toblerone the cat?

We’ll find out next week!

Ep. 4 Honorable Mentions

  • “Stick around, should be a real nail-biter.” I would like to put in a formal request for more screen time featuring Cam and Garrett together. The scene in which they try to get $4,000 out of Madeline was my favorite of the series so far. Both hilarious in their own right.
  • Phyllis refuses to get out of the picture, and we were blessed to learn she names all of her cats exclusively after sweet treats.
  • “… Or are you just stalking me and hoping I wouldn’t notice?” says Christina. “… Exactly,” says Garrett.
  • Who Actually Dun It?

    For me, Phyllis is definitely back in the picture as the possible SBK. There must be a reason they’re keeping her in the story, and it has to be about more than just her cats. Also, after the last two episodes, I am more suspicious of Garrett’s involvement than ever. Given how quickly Madeline gave him money, I’m still assuming they are in cahoots.

    Let me know what you think!

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