Credit: Jack Rowand/ABC

It’s breakfast time at Eddie and Katherine’s house when we start this week’s episode of A Million Little Things. It’s also Theo’s birthday and he’s celebrating by testing his parents on their knowledge of state capitals — of course he is. When he asks Katherine the capital of Arizona, she mentions she’s never been and Theo is confused since he believes she spent time in the Grand Canyon when, really, she had walked out when she found out Charlie is Eddie’s daughter. Katherine scrambles to continue the lie but is pretty pissed about having to do so and D still isn’t budging on coming clean. D tells Gina and Rome she just doesn’t think the kids could handle it right now. They advise her to trust her gut. Everyone is getting together at Theo’s tenth birthday party later though, so that should be a nice awkward afternoon all in all.

And, of course, that isn’t the only paternity drama going down. Over at Rome and Gina’s, they’re getting ready to babysit Charlie when P.J. shows up. They try to get rid of him before D arrives, but of course, she bumps into him in the hallway. D thinks P.J. looks familiar…maybe like a hint of her dead husband familiar? She doesn’t actually get that close, but Rome is panicked all the same and ushers P.J. out. After D has left too, Rome gets a call about a commercial he’s working on and needs to go into work so Gina is forced to bring the baby with her to Katherine’s, where she’s headed to help make a cake. All together now, poor Katherine! While they bake, Katherine shares that the day Theo was born was the best and worst day of her life. She then flashes back to the hospital right after the birth, where Eddie shows up having missed it, looking hungover or drunk, and Katherine withdraws from him. He promises then that he’s never going to drink again and says he and Jon have a plan. Assuming that plan was rehab since Eddie has been sober since? Back in the present, Gina wants to know why Katherine is so determined that Eddie and Delilah tell the truth about Charlie. Katherine explains that in her experience with Eddie, lies lead to drinking and she doesn’t want to go back there. Neither Theo nor Charlie deserve to grow up with that. Later, Eddie tries to talk to D about it as he’s starting to agree with his wife, but Delilah is adamantly not on board.

Elsewhere, Maggie is practicing driving in the hopes of taking her test later that day. In the passenger seat, Gary still doesn’t know what to do about his dog, Colin — take him back to his rightful owners (since he found out last week Colin has actually been missing from his original owners for months) or just keep him. Maggie’s still sorry about Colin getting out because that led them to this dilemma. With that and her brother’s death by car accident weighing on her, it’s no wonder she freezes and doesn’t take her test. Sophie, however, does take hers and passes! She’s super excited and even more so when they get home and D reveals that Jon bought a car for her the day she was born and always wanted to give it to her the day she got her license. It’s probably a Lexus. Sophie and Danny head out for a spin.

Before he heads to The Most Awkward Party of the Year, Gary goes to scope out Colin’s old home. He discovers the oldest lady alive lives there and hopes she’s the devil, not the lost Golden Girl she resembles. When he gets to her door, he notices dog food and hopes maybe the lady’s gotten a new dog, but when she comes out and they get chatting — after Gary pretends he’s doing a survey — we discover she lost her husband shortly after her dog Wesley/Colin went missing and she’s just holding out hope the pup will come back. Seems like Gary knows what he has to do.

It’s almost time for The Most Awkward Party of the Year and in all the excitement Charlie vomits on Gina. Luckily, Saint Katherine has a very cute dress on hand she recently bought for the baby. She’s really trying to make this work, y’all. The guys are gathering chairs in the garage and Eddie shares that this party has to be perfect because Theo is the reason he’s sober. His son saved him — more than once! Soon, Sophie (who is wearing lipstick in an effort to impress P.J., whom she’s invited as her plus one), Danny, and D arrive. Katherine is super fake nice to Delilah. Despite the tension, Eddie is determined it’s going to be a great party. He and Sophie sing “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” and D worries that if Sophie found out the truth, it would ruin her relationship with Eddie too. But Gina is starting to think maybe Katherine is right; it is fairer for everyone to get the truth out. D is upset people are turning against her plan.

Just then P.J. shows up and Rome is not pleased when D thinks he and Soph are cute together. P.J. explains to Rome that he just wants to get to know someone who knew his dad. Gina tells him that Jon was their North Star and if it turns out that he is P.J.’s dad, then they’ll tell him a million stories about him, but — knowing how much it hurt to lose Jon — they don’t want him to go through that too if it turns out he’s not Jon’s son. P.J. leaves for a drive with Sophie where she tries to kiss him and he freaks out. Upset at being rejected, she tries to reverse and accelerates into a lamp post in response. D shows up and is super understanding because, well, she’s probably doing preemptive damage control.

Before all that, it’s cake time at the party (which is a big rectangle despite the one Katherine baking earlier fitting in a round container…). Theo’s all, I don’t need to make a wish because I already have what I wished for — meaning his parents back together. Okay, Theo. Eye roll. In the kitchen, Gary is not okay. He knows he has to give back Colin and leaves to spend one last day with him. They share a sandwich and Gary tells his pup how he’s gotten him through some tough times. He almost changes his mind but when Colin responds to the name Wesley, he decides to take him to his true home. Knowing it’ll be painful for him, Maggie says she’s doing it instead. Gary says his goodbyes and gets teary, then full-on sobs. Maggie drives Colin/Wesley home but makes a quick stop first. When Gary shows up last minute to return Colin himself, he’s a little confused when he turns him over to the nice old lady and Colin doesn’t seem to recognize him. Maggie ushers him back to the car where SURPRISE! The real Colin is waiting. Turns out Maggie switched him out with a stray from the shelter on the way over, knowing the old lady wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Pretty wrong, but hey! Gary gets to keep his dog.

Okay, time for the Katherine/Eddie/Delilah showdown. D tells Katherine there’s nothing to talk about; she knows what’s best for her kids and they can’t lose her right now so they’re sticking to the plan. Katherine tells D she can’t do this to her; she almost lost her husband because of Delilah already, she won’t risk it again. Eddie tells D the only way he can be the best version of himself is by being honest. D tells Eddie she made the decision to keep it a secret because she thought she had his support. Delilah has the last word, telling them she’s sorry but she will not let Katherine hurt her kids and storms off. Oh, boy.

We finish things off with Saint Katherine presenting Eddie with a happy-10-year-sobriety cake — the round one we saw her make earlier! She tells him she believes in him now and they go to bed together. Rome and Gina get home to find P.J.’s D.N.A. test on their doorstep. They open it without him so that Rome can be ready to help him with the truth and wait for it… Jon is P.J.’s father!! Remember way back last season when I said the J totally stood for Jon? Well…

Can’t wait for the s— to hit the fan next week! Until then.

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A Million Little Things
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