Lemon confronts her bedroom hangups, while Jenna unleashes her inner Dina Lohan
30 Rock Kelsey Reaganing
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On this week’s 30 Rock, “Reaganing,” Lemon had a brand new pair of rollerskates, and Jack had a brand new key…to get rid of her sexual hangups! With Greece playing Pakistan in soccer, Lemon couldn’t get a cab to the Newark airport in order to break up with Carol. No problem: Jack has a driver and had been on a winning streak for the past 24 hours. He was Reaganing, you see. It’s like Lizzing, for grownups.

With Tracy holding up production on a Boys and Girls Club commercial shoot, the Reaganer and his protege had plenty of time to dive into Lemon’s sexual abyss to figure out why she found “the beast with two backs” so horrible. At first she resisted, telling Jack she simply didn’t want to be some oversexed New York nympho like those sluts on…Everybody Loves Raymond. BUT WHY, Lemon?

Inoventually, the truth came out: When she was 9, Lemon was found by her mom, squirming under a Tom Jones poster with her underpants around her ankles. The little roller-skating Pete Rose (not Dorothy Hamill) just desperately needed to go the bathroom. “It didn’t look good, Jack.” Her mom took away Tom Jones, along with other treasured posters — among them some Phillies crushes, Han Solo, and Kermit. Conclusion: SEX MAKES THE PEOPLE GO AWAY.

I loved that an episode devoted to Lemon being “the sexual equivalent of a million Hindenburgs” brought us so many flashbacks…from previous episodes! That’s how pathetic/awesome this character is! I think “The word lovers bums me out, unless it’s between meat and pizza will always be my favorite.

Meanwhile, Jenna — the Dina Lohan of Studio 6H — got a coveted “free ice cream for life” black card at Carvel and enlisted Kenneth to help her with the “short grift” of exchanging misspelled cakes for cash. But Jenna grew restless and came up a long con. Enter Kelsey Grammer, who was obviously hanging around and up for anything. “Long grift, huh? Now. Who are ya and what are we doing?” He was great. I wouldn’t mind watching a spinoff about Jenna and Kelsey opening a medical supply store in Florida, then getting some Social Security numbers, “through seduction.” Of course, Jenna needs to stay put so she and Kenneth can keep adding brick after brick to their friendship castle ’til it someday reaches to the sky.

NEXT: The episode’s 10 best lines!

10 Best Lines of ‘Reaganing’

10. “Well, it’s been a pretty rough day. But at least we’re in Newark now” –Lemon, the Albert Pujols of having problems

9. “We put a bunch of people on a plane, fly them over the Atlantic…. then Tom Bergeron comes out and reveals that their pilot is a 6-year-old boy.” –Jack’s synopsis of Child Hell Flight, inoventually coming to NBC’s spring schedule

8. “I’m sorry, I have an erection. I think it’s the sound of the skateboard.” –Tracy

7. “You have more sexual hangups than an adult chat line run by Gilbert Gottfried!” –Jack, via the computer program they’re working on to replace Lemon

6. “If you ever speak ill of Reagan again, I will smack those teeth straight.” –Jack to Lemon, who would let five people die for the chance to win free cable for life. (Who wouldn’t?)

5. “If Cookie Puss knew, he’d tear us apart with his fangs!” –Kenneth to Jenna, who hopes that someday he’ll die in an accident so she can have his great heart

4. “I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut.” –Jack, the Sisyphus of Reaganing

3. “I should throw some tossed salad and scrambled eggs at you.” Fraaaaaa-jerrrrrrrr! to the Carvel employee who’ll now have to go work under the bridge again

2. “I’ve faced it myself — with Greta Van Susteren, before her head transplant” –Jack reassuring Lemon that performance issues were all too common

1. “You’re Liz Lemon, damnit. In certain lights, you’re an 8. Using East Coast-over-35 standards. Excluding Miami.” –Jack

Were your favorite moments different from mine? Did anyone else love that the remedy to the Tracy problem involved eating a whole thing of candy beans, just like on Arrested Development? Discuss 30 Rock‘s “Reaganing,” below!

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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30 Rock
30 Rock

Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan star in the Emmy-winning comedy. You want to go to there.

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