This is how we lose.

I’m no gambler, but, like Uncut Gems‘ Howard Ratner, I was ready to go all in on a big bet: Adam Sandler was going to get his first Oscar nomination on Monday morning. Well, like Howard, I’m apparently a terrible gambler, because Sandler was one of many snubs (don’t get us started on Kevin Garnett!). As the great Billy Madison would say…

Many of us will now spend the rest of the day screaming all over the internet about the injustice of these misses, but then we will move on with our lives and there will be no real long-term consequences…except for with Sandler.

Back in December, Howard Stern had the actor on his radio show and pushed for the usually media-shy Sandler to step up his campaigning in pursuit of an Oscar nomination. This led Sandler to joke of his next movie: “If I don’t get it, I’m going to f—ing come back and do one again that is so bad on purpose just to make you all pay. That’s how I get them.”

Fast-forward, and the Academy has now left wondering how the man behind Jack and Jill and That’s My Boy will decide to “get us” and make a movie “so bad on purpose.” Not to give him any ideas, but here are some ideas:

Grown Ups 3: Fart Camp

When I first made a joke about the possibility of this movie, it sounded so real that one of my colleagues looked up to see if this was actually something that had been announced. It hasn’t been…yet.

Just Jill

If your review of Sandler’s 2011 comedy Jack and Jill, in which he played the titular twins, was “Too much Jack,” then you’re in luck with this Jill-centric spin-off. And before you even ask, yes, Al Pacino will be back as Jill’s love interest, Al Pacino, and, yes, he will be doing another Dunkin’ Donuts commercial. Sandler will have his bad work cut out for him with Just Jill, considering it will be tough to top Jack and Jill‘s Razzie sweep. Maybe we throw in Robert De Niro and make it a love triangle?

The Ridiculous 6

Sandler could just remake the same terrible movie he made in 2015 and I guess try to make it bad “on purpose” this time?

Hubie Halloween

Here’s the plot: Good-natured but eccentric community volunteer Hubie Dubois finds himself at the center of a real murder case on Halloween night. Despite his devotion to his hometown of Salem, Massachusetts (and its legendary Halloween celebration), Hubie is a figure of mockery for kids and adults alike. Let’s surround Sandler with the “all-star” cast of Shaquille O’Neal, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Steve Buscemi, and Michael Chiklis.

Oh wait, that last one is actually his next movie.

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Uncut Gems (2019 movie)
Adam Sandler plays a desperate huckster in this engrossing diamond caper.
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