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With no host and no Kendrick Lamar, the 2019 Oscars are looking a little bit rocky. But just because it might be a bit of an unusual ceremony doesn’t mean it’ll be bad. At least they agreed to give all of the awards during the actual telecast again.

Here are 10 things we’d love to see during the show. Take notes, Oscar planning people.

  1. During the Queen performance, with Adam Lambert singing the Freddie parts, if Rami Malek came out in full costume to lip-sync again.
  2. Bradley Cooper peeing his pants on stage. Or at the very minimum saying, “I’m so excited I could pee my pants right now.” At the VERY MINIMUM. Tonight is about celebrating film!
  3. A cowboy dance number for “When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings.” The nominees for best song this year are notably ballad-y (we love Bette Midler, but there probably aren’t going to be dancers with umbrellas for “The Place the Lost Things Go.”) Our best bet is the original from The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, which they could perform as an understated banjo number or a DANCE NUMBER.
  4. Kayla Day (Elsie Fisher) in character from Eighth Grade presenting the award for Most Quiet. Probably to… I don’t know, Rami Malek?
  5. An Ariana Grande performance. Sure, she’s not related to movies in any way, but maybe the Oscars just want to one-up the Grammys.
  6. The full cast of the Avengers on stage, but only the ones who survived the end of Infinity War, and they’re carrying the dust-filled urns of those who didn’t.
  7. Actual jokes, written by comedians. With no host, is there going to be actual comedy? Because we cannot tolerate a full three-hour ceremony where the only “humor” is awkward celebrity banter as they open the envelopes.
  8. Idris Elba and his Cats costar, Taylor Swift.
  9. A full, hour-long John Mulaney standup routine. What if they give out all of the awards during commercial breaks and instead, presenter John Mulaney just does standup?
  10. An accidental envelope mix-up that reveals that a single woman actually was nominated for best director, cinematography, or editing.


The Oscars

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