Just say it with me: Billy Eichner

By Dana Schwartz
March 05, 2018 at 06:38 PM EST
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Sure, it might just be Jimmy Kimmel again, but who else could ABC tap as Oscars host next year? The honors, in theory, should go to someone who is charismatic, ideally a comedian, with some connection to the movie industry.

Here are some predictions for who the Academy might go with:

Key and Peele

Now that Jordan Peele is a certified Oscar winner, the pair should be free to leapfrog hosting the Emmys and go straight to the Oscars.

Likelihood: 1/5

Audition Tape:

John Mulaney and Nick Kroll

John Mulaney and Nick Kroll have already killed it two years in a row hosting Film Independent’s Spirit Awards, but they aren’t really in the movie industry themselves. They also might not be big enough names to appeal to Midwestern audiences who haven’t quite learned about the charms of Gil Faizon and George St. Geegland.

Likelihood: 1/25

Audition tape:

Kristen Bell

This year the actress became the first-ever host of the SAG Awards and guest-hosted for Jimmy Kimmel with genuine charm and warmth. Girl can land a joke and sing like a Disney princess — literally.

Likelihood: 1/40

Audition tape:

Andy Samberg + The Lonely Island

The boys singing “Everything is Awesome” was the brightest spot of the 2015 Oscars, and this year’s un-produced pitch for a star-studded music video would have been this year’s highlight. Samberg has already hosted the Emmys and the Spirit Awards, so what are you waiting for, Oscars?

Likelihood: 1/10

Audition tape:

Channing Tatum (or Ryan Reynolds/Ryan Gosling/Chris Pine/etc.)

Call this one the “white, funny actor who can also sing/dance.” If the Academy wanted a James Franco-Anne Hathaway re-do (hey, if Warren Beatty got a do-over…) they would go with someone like the boys above, who have established likability and Broadway-style skills. (I don’t actually know if Ryan Reynolds can sing). Ideally, this choice is paired with an actual comedian.

Likelihood: 1/10

Audition tape:

Kevin Hart

This one just seems inevitable. Hart is having a moment at the movies now, and the comedian would be a welcome respite from another white guy.

Likelihood: 1/3

Audition tape:

Jennifer Lawrence/Amy Schumer

The two real-life BFFs had great chemistry when they presented together at the Golden Globes — and even though there’s been some fatigue with their “average girl” shtick, the Oscars could see this as a good way to bridge Oscar stiffness with more crude humor.

Likelihood: 1/100

Audition tape:

Tiffany Haddish

The hilarious actress — the standout in last year’s Girl’s Trip — is having a moment, but it seems unlikely the Oscars would hand over the reigns to her already. Though, she is hosting the MTV Movie & TV Awards in June, so please, Academy, do pay attention.

Likelihood: 1/500

Audition tape:

Ricky Gervais

The British comedian has hosted the Golden Globes four times and never shies away from the slightly cringy but incredibly funny jokes at the expense of people in the room. Maybe it’s because he’s not American, or because he has “f— you” money from creating The Office, but Ricky Gervais will say things others won’t. The Oscars probably won’t want to take that risk, but I kind of wish they would.

Likelihood: 1/70

Audition tape:

Billy Eichner

He’ll probably get Emmy duty eventually, but how good would this be???

Likelihood: 1/1000

Audition tape:

Emma Stone

She’s already an Oscar winner. She’s been on Broadway. She’s hosted SNL a handful of times and always done well — it seems like it could work.

Likelihood: 1/50

Audition tape:

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

The SNL alums hosted the Golden Globes thrice to rave reviews — I’m surprised this hasn’t happened yet.

Likelihood: 1/5

Audition tape:

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Sure the Tony’s might be a more natural fit first, but LMM has been nominated for an Oscar. If the Academy was in the market for an opening rap…

Likelihood: 1/20

Audition tape:

Melissa McCarthy (with Sandra Bullock???)

Okay, but how good would this be? Sandra Bullock is one of those actresses who is so good in dramatic roles that you forget how funny she is, and she and McCarthy brought out the best in each other in The Heat. Sandy has an Oscar and Melissa has a nom — they definitely have the gold to qualify for the honors.

Likelihood: 1/40

Audition tape:

Any late-night host

Send me coffee in bulk if I have to stay awake through another Kimmel Oscars.

Likelihood: 1/2

Audition tape: Every other awards show they’ve hosted

Key & Peele

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