Align yourself with the entertainment obsessions you’ll need this month
The cosmos do us all a big favor every January, hitting us with productive Capricorn season right when we’re trying to implement our New Year’s resolutions. It’s time to shake off that Sagittarian hangover and get right to work on your health, your home, and your long, long list of entertainment to consume. Read on for your pop culture horoscopes for January!
Miss last month? Check out your December horoscopes here.
ARIES (March 21 to April 19)
Happy New Year to you, Aries! Why start 2018 slow when you could kick it off with a jolt? This month, you’ll gulp down Dave Eggers’ The Monk of Mokha (Jan. 30), which layers the rich history of coffee with the stranger-than-fiction true story of Mokhtar Alkhanshali, a Yemeni-American who left California for Yemen, where he taught himself about coffee farming and then found himself trapped in a civil war. You may never really need extra energy, little ram, but go ahead and start off the year with some literary caffeine.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)
Okay, Taurus. You’re officially out of excuses. The movies are out. The reviews are out. Come Jan. 24, the nominations will be out. You have all you need to assess which Oscar contenders are worth your time. You don’t even have to leave your house for half of them! You can stream Dunkirk! You can stream The Big Sick! You can stream Get Out! And speaking of getting out, just do it, Taurus, please. It’s the only way you’ll see The Post in time.
GEMINI (May 20 to June 20)
John Hughes was a fellow air sign; maybe that’s why, in the most famous bit of dialogue in his most piercing high-school movie masterpiece, the Aquarian filmmaker speaks so well to the truth of not just misunderstood teenagers, but multitudinous Geminis (whom you might say are all sort of misunderstood teenagers forever, anyway). The Breakfast Club joins the Criterion Collection Jan. 2, and you’ll greet 2018 by revisiting the Gen-X classic and tearing through all those sweet Criterion extras because you’re a brain, Gemini. You’re an athlete, you’re a basket case, you’re a criminal, and you’re a damn princess. Don’t you forget about it.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22)
If Gemini is the eternal teenager of the zodiac, you, gentle crab, are the hopeful young adult still finding your way. So it’s shaping up to be a Cancer-ish January, with the premiere of Black-ish spinoff Grown-ish arriving on Freeform Jan. 3. You’ll navigate 2018, from the very beginning, alongside Zoey Johnson (Yara Shahidi) navigating her freshman year at college — and you could certainly do worse for a companion on the journey.
LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)
“You just want attention,” Charlie Puth croons on the lead single off his upcoming sophomore studio album. Um, yes? Is that a problem? VoiceNotes (Jan. 19), the latest from the Sagittarius millennial singer-songwriter who isn’t Taylor Swift, will be the soundtrack to your January, as every song will sound like it’s directed right at you, luminous Leo. And why shouldn’t they all be?
VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)
You of all people know, Virgo, that there is nothing so satisfying as a well-kept schedule. And so against your better judgment, it does give you some small pleasure that The Bachelor, the reality competition that sets some plasticky approximation of love as its prize, hits TV every single January like clockwork, no matter which Bachelorette reject has lent his whitened smile to those rose-petal-festooned billboards. So, too, are you oddly satisfied to hear that this will be, yet again, the “most dramatic season ever;” to see exactly one drunk mess, one seductive villainess, and one wisecracking guy’s girl disembark those limos on night one; to see each “shocking” beat of the season hit at the exact moment it’s supposed to. You’ll tune in Jan. 1 to see perfect planning and execution at work, and, honestly, to give yourself a chance to intellectually apply yourself to this shallow institution of American pop culture — after all, for all its artifice, The Bachelor probably says more about our values as a society than the most artful Peak TV, right? Adding another layer of interest, this season’s lucky guy, Arie Luyendyk, Jr., happens to be a Virgo too, if you can imagine. So if he does manage to find love, somehow, despite having sold his soul to this cheap TV game in order to attain it… well, that might be fine to see, too.
LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
Yes, Capricorn season can be a drag, and I’m sorry, loveliest Libra. But you know what? New year, new rules! Feel free to completely ignore the cold, hard, rational ethos of the sea-goat and ring in 2018 by getting swept up in a tragedy of Sagittarian proportions with The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story (Jan. 17). Because what’s the fun of New Year time without a little glamour?
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
As the zodiac’s phoenix, January is the time for you to rise from the ashes of 2017. But you’re not the only one who understands rebuilding from a dark place: New Orleans is a Scorpio City, and you’ll feel right at home this month with Nathaniel Rich’s King Zeno (Jan. 9), immersing yourself in the vibrant tale of music, madness, and murder, all against the backdrop of the Crescent City 100 years ago.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
Sagittarius season is behind us, yes, but the joke’s on everyone else, isn’t it, because the action never stops for you, archer! You’ll roll right into 2018 with a little help from the most fabulous Virgo of them all, Taraji P. Henson, who plays the title character, a supremely stylish hitwoman, in Babak Najafi’s Proud Mary (Jan. 12). Capricorn season may have us all working for the man every night and day, but Sagittarians keep on burning.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
Happiest of birthdays, sweet sea-goat! We do hope that you aren’t spending your special season contemplating your own mortality, but in the likely event that you are, you will find uniquely Capricornian comfort in Chloe Benjamin’s The Immortalists (Jan. 9). The Anatomy of Dreams author’s new novel follows four young siblings who find out from a psychic when they will die, then conduct the rest of their lives accordingly, bound by what they’ve learned, and obsessed with truth, life, death, and destiny.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
Is it any wonder that the most wildly original and forward-thinking movies of the year all hit at once, right at the beginning of your yearly moment in the spotlight? I think not, darling Aquarius, and you’ll spend the early days of your birthday season obsessing over the films premiering at Sundance (Jan. 18–28) that embody your own brilliant, independent spirit. For those of you who can’t make it to Robert Redford’s annual fest (bless his noble Leo heart), celebrate with indie classics from the filmmakers who launched their careers in Park City — like Debra Granik, who will be back in 2018, 14 years after her Sundance debut; or Todd Haynes, who will be honored with a retrospective at this year’s festival. Then there’s Rian Johnson — his 2005 debut Brick is great! And he’s got a movie in theaters right now, too, I think.
PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20)
It isn’t necessarily easy for a Pisces to break away and do her own thing, so you’ll spend this month celebrating a fellow fish who did just that last year. It should come as no surprise that Camila Cabello’s debut solo album, Camila (Jan. 12), will be the thing that sings to your tender heart all January, Pisces, since the ache of “Havana” has been affecting you for months, and you must often look to that other Camila single for a reminder from one of your own that there ain’t no crying in the club.