Align yourself with the entertainment obsessions you’ll need this month
It’s the most wonderful time of the year — Sagittarius season, that is! It should come as no surprise at all that this festive month falls under such a joyous, generous sign. And should you feel suffocated by the pressures of hosting, or stressed out by your never-ending shopping list, or overwhelmed by a movie release calendar packed with Big Important Oscar Hopefuls, just close your eyes and remember that it’s Sagittarius time, dear reader. Channel the archer and set yourself free. Now read on for the pop culture that will help you do just that!
ARIES (March 21 to April 19)
It took a pioneering Aries like James Franco to adapt the strange tale of the making of the cult hit movie The Room, and he did so most un-disastrously with this month’s The Disaster Artist (Dec. 1). The filmmaker stars as the eccentric artist of the title, Tommy Wiseau (whose birthday, like his nationality and general life history, is still unconfirmed, meaning his own astrological sign remains a great cosmic mystery) opposite his brother Dave as Wiseau’s best friend, The Room co-star Greg Sestero. You will certainly laugh, you just might cry, and you will most likely be inspired to create something bizarre and wonderful yourself. What a story, Aries!
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)
Forget the young royals who got engaged, got pregnant, or got a haircut in 2017. It’s time to age it up, throw it back, and make this December a tale of two Taureans: Queen Elizabeth II and you, darling bull. That’s right, you’ll be spending the last chunk of the year bingeing the second season of Netflix’s The Crown (Dec. 8), which checks into Buckingham Palace — a residence to meet even your standard of a comfortable and elegant home — in the late ‘50s and early ‘60s. Cheers, and God save the Taurus.
GEMINI (May 20 to June 20)
This December, try imagining there are three (and not a mere two) of you, Gemini. Turkish author Elif Shafak’s latest novel, Three Daughters of Eve, hits shelves in the States Dec. 5 after its U.K. release earlier this year. The story follows three girls at Oxford — identified ideologically as the sinner, the believer, and the confused — who study religion together with a mysterious and charismatic professor, and it will resonate with your split personality as much as it engages your air-sign intellect.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22)
You made it, Cancer! It’s December! Go ahead and take your Spotify off private, because it’s finally socially acceptable for you to be listening to holiday songs 24/7. We know this has probably been true of you since about mid-October, but your next month will be soundtracked by the jingle-jangle-jolliest jams of them all. You might have started with the recent releases from old favorites like Hanson and 98°, but you have slowly backtracked to the good stuff from those bands’ glory days, to the years when Britney Spears made only one wish and *NSYNC produced the video above, with only trace amounts of irony intended. Enjoy it while you can, Cancer. In just a few short weeks, it will be cold, hard January, and your sugary-sweet dreams of a ‘90s Christmas will feel further away than ever before.
LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)
You spend 11 months out of the year frustrated that nobody else will match your enthusiasm, radiant Leo, but congratulations, we’ve reached that magical twelfth month, when just about everyone is on board to make it the loudest, brightest, sparkliest time of the year. We are sincerely sorry that you will probably not get the deepest December wish of your own lion-heart — to appear in your very own holiday TV special, with a huge effects budget and a whole crew of celebrity guests and no fewer than eight costume changes — but the next best thing is to tune in to literally all of them (and, like, maybe teach yourself a few of the dance routines, just to have in your back pocket).
VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)
If you thought you were a perfectionist, beautiful Virgo, just wait until you see Daniel Day-Lewis in Phantom Thread (Dec. 25). For his last role before retirement, the actor reteams with There Will Be Blood director Paul Thomas Anderson to play a consummate artist like himself: A 1950s London couturier with impeccable taste and a meticulous eye for detail, who takes on a new muse/model/lover (Vicky Krieps). You will get that special deep-down Virgo thrill from watching the dressmaker do his careful, methodical work — and that’s not to mention the exquisite clothes that come of it.
LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
Eminem’s most recent single “Walk on Water” (feat. Beyoncé!), released in November, is a classic case of a Libra being a Libra. “It’s the curse of the standard / That the first Mathers disc set / Always in search of the verse that I haven’t spit yet / Will this step be another misstep / To tarnish whatever the legacy, love, or respect I’ve garnered?” Eminem reflects in the five-minute track. Once he admits he’s “A flawed human, I guess / But I’m doing my best to not ruin your expectations,” however, and gotten all that self-critical introspection out of his system, he’s ready to spit some fury and get to the rest of the album (Dec. 15). “I’m just a man, but as long as I got a mic I’m godlike / So me and you are not alike / Bitch, I wrote ‘Stan’!” Get ready for Revival, scales.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
“America, they want someone to love,” says Tonya Harding (Margot Robbie) in the trailer for Craig Gillespie’s I, Tonya (Dec. 8). “But they want someone to hate.” Far too often, that’s you, Scorpio, isn’t it? People can say all they want about your (admittedly dark and powerful) sign, but never let anyone tell you that you can’t laugh at yourself. This month, you’ll find twisted humor in the true story of the spectacular fall of Harding, a fellow scorpion who was perhaps just a little too determined.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
Happy birthday, wild archer! And what a birthday it will be. Ursula K. Le Guin is a Libra, but the title of her latest book, No Time to Spare (Dec. 5) — a collection of various essays and musings taken from her blog — speaks directly to your own restless Sagittarian heart (while its subtitle, Thinking About What Matters, plainly describes one of your favorite pastimes). You’ll close out the year getting philosophical with the legendary author — in between all the parties, that is.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
This can be a frustrating time of year for you, Capricorn. Everything is so expensive, people become so irrational, and the whole vibe is just a little too festive for your taste, if we’re being completely honest. Only thing to do is hibernate with a nice, long Netflix binge until the holidays are behind us and your own, much more sensible birthday season is upon us. This month, that will be with Dark (Dec. 1), a German import that looks to be a sinister spin on the Stranger Things formula. Maybe think about allowing yourself some candy or something as you watch, though, Cap. It is the holidays, after all.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
It’s easy to get nostalgic and dream of the past during the holidays, but as a brilliant Aquarian, you will do no less than look to the past, the present, and the future by tearing through A Christmas Carol — probably not for the first time. It’s no wonder at all that Charles Dickens, whose great humanity was matched only by his visionary imagination, was a water bearer like yourself, and his iconic yuletide ghost story is as timeless as the night sky. God bless us, every sign.
PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20)
It’s been a difficult year; you’ve earned an escape at the end of it. You’ll feel right at home, sweet fish of the zodiac, watching the dreamy The Shape of Water (Dec. 8), which stars Sally Hawkins as a mute woman who falls hopelessly in love with a sea creature. Guillermo del Toro’s gorgeous and imaginative fairy tale will finish 2017 — for you, darling Pisces, at least — happily ever after.