Lady Gaga says she had suicidal thoughts 'every day' during dark period of her life
Lady Gaga is one of the biggest stars in the world, but that didn't preclude her from falling into a dark period during which she had suicidal thoughts "every day."
In an emotional new interview with CBS Sunday Morning, the singer, born Stefani Germanotta, detailed the mental health struggles that led her to hate her onstage persona.
"My biggest enemy is 'Lady Gaga,' that's what I was thinking. My biggest enemy is her," Gaga told CBS' Lee Cowan of a difficult period in her life. "You can't go to the grocery store now. If you go to dinner with your family [and] somebody comes to the table, you can’t have dinner with your family without it being about you, it’s always about you. All the time it's about you."
When asked why that time in her life was "so dark," Gaga said she had reached a point where she "totally gave up on [herself]."
"I hated being famous, I hated being a star, I felt exhausted and used up," she explained.
"It's not always easy if you have mental issues to let other people see," Gaga continued. "I used to show, I used to self-harm, I used to say, ‘Look I cut myself, see I’m hurting.’ Because I didn’t think anyone could see because mental health, it’s invisible."
The singer also said that, during this time, she had suicidal thoughts "every day," revealing, "I didn't really understand why I should live other than to be there for my family. That was an actual real thought and feeling, why should I stick around?"
She added, "I lived in this house while people watched me for a couple of years to make sure that I was safe."
Gaga also said that being swarmed by fans while out in public was particularly triggering. "If I'm at the grocery store and somebody comes up very close to me and puts a cellphone right in my face and starts taking pictures, just total panic, full-body pain. I'm braced because I'm so afraid. It’s like I'm an object, I'm not a person."
The Grammy winner has long been open about her mental health struggles, previously saying that she's focused on her music rather than dealing with the emotional and physical trauma she suffered after a sexual assault early on in her career. She's also revealed that before getting to work on Chromatica, she struggled with PTSD and fibromyalgia.
Since the release of Chromatica, Gaga told Cowen that she's "found a way to love [herself] again."
"I don't hate Lady Gaga anymore," she said. "Now I look at this piano and I go, ‘Ugh, my God, my piano, my piano that I love so much. My piano, that lets me speak, my piano that lets me make poetry. My piano that’s mine.’”
Watch her interview in full above.
If you or someone you know need mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.