The Home Alone house is available to rent on Airbnb, you filthy animals
If you have questionable parenting skills, a predilection for haphazard theft, or even if you've just been abandoned by your family for the holidays — accidentally or not — well, does Airbnb have an offer for you!
In scenic [checks notes] Winnetka, Ill., sits the iconic house from the 1990 holiday classic Home Alone, where one child humiliated and gravely injured two full-grown men who were definitely trying to kill him but somehow managed to return for a sequel.
Buzz McCallister, the oldest of the McAllister kids (played by Devin Ratray), has purportedly listed the house for one night only on Airbnb. Lovable but murderous would-be robbers not included.
"Many Christmases ago, the McCallisters went to Paris — well, most of us," your intrepid host Buzz writes. "Though we're older and wiser now (I've even got my own security firm), we're never too old for holiday hijinks. So, while we're away on vacation (all of us, this time), I'm inviting one crew of mischief makers to let their inner eight-year-olds run free in my childhood home on Dec. 12."
In addition to run of the whole house, which is smaller than it seems, Buzz is offering "a cozy holiday scene with twinkling lights and a perfectly trimmed tree," and a "candlelit dinner of microwavable Kraft Macaroni & Cheese." Also included, his pet tarantula Axl!
And on a rather meta note, Buzz adds that you can "wind down" and "enjoy a viewing of the film franchise's newest holiday adventure, Home Sweet Home Alone, on Disney+." Clever, clever, clever. You got us again, Disney+!
Despite looking like a mansion from the outside, the listing only mentions two bedrooms, and one and a half baths, which raises a question: How the hell did a family of what appears to be a thousand people live there? One and a half baths? For five kids? No wonder poor Catherine O'Hara couldn't keep it together.
If you're feeling like splashing your face with aftershave and screaming into a mirror, this time in someone else's bathroom, the Home Alone house opens up for booking Dec. 7. One can only hope that Macaulay Culkin is huddled away in a closet somewhere just waiting to greet and/or assault you.
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