And the winners are...
We’ve been counting down the days until Christmas, and now that it’s almost here, we’ve finally figured out the best of the best. Who is the absolute jolliest Santa? What is the all-time saddest Christmas ballad? And who across the entire yuletide cinematic tradition has the most wonderful life? Read on for the honorees in our Christmas superlatives.
MOST TANTALIZING CHRISTMAS FEAST: The roast beast, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
The Grinch himself carved it, for crying out loud!
RUNNER UP: The Cratchit family’s prize turkey
MOST ROMANTIC CHRISTMAS: Love Actually
Honestly, we tried to avoid this. There’s just no way around it. You can’t even just listen to 30 seconds of the Love Actually score and deny that it is the most romantic movie Christmas ever, period.
MOST EXTRA HOLIDAY DÉCOR: A Bad Moms Christmas
Only a yuletide battle of the Bad Moms could result in a ice blue winter wonderland of such tacky grandeur.
RUNNERS-UP: All movie Whovilles
STINGIEST MISER: Ebenezer Scrooge
Nice try, Heat Miser, Snow Miser, whatever other Misers, but no one can compete with this squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner. Bah, humbug!
MOST FESTIVE WARDROBE: Martha May Whovier, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
Just look at that dress!
MOST COVETED INVITATION: The Nutcracker Ball, The Night Before
No amount of drugs or lost phones or creepy encounters with a mysterious Christmas Michael Shannon should be enough to keep you from this party.
MOST WONDERFUL LIFE: George Bailey, It's a Wonderful Life
When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?
JOLLIEST SANTA CLAUS: The Santa Clause
Miracle on 34th Street gave him a good run for his money, but Tim Allen’s reluctant Kris Kringle takes top prize if only for being most improved.
MERRIEST ELF: Buddy the Elf, Elf
SWEETEST SNOWMAN: Frosty, Frosty the Snowman
Who can resist a snowman who hangs out among ice cream cakes and greets every person, on any day, with “happy birthday”?
RUNNER-UP: Sorry, Olaf.
SHINY-NOSEDIEST REINDEER: Zero, The Nightmare Before Christmas
Take that, Rudolph! Jack’s ghostly stand-in for the red-nosed icon gets extra points for allover glow.
SISTERLIEST CHRISTMAS: Little Women
If only every December could be this March!
RUNNER UP: Ladies and gentlemen, the Haynes Sisters!
WHITEST CHRISTMAS: Amanda's English holiday, The Holiday
We mean this in terms of weather, wardrobe, and race!
DRUNKEST GRINCH: Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa
It’s not called Good Santa.
BEST CHRISTMAS SWAP: The Princess Switch
Stealing The Holiday‘s crown!
FROZENEST POLE: A Christmas Story
We triple-dog dare you to challenge this winner.
SADDEST CHRISTMAS BALLAD: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," Meet Me In St. Louis
No subsequent version of this song has ever been quite so heartbreaking as the original in Judy Garland’s velvety contralto.
YIPPEE-KI-YAY-EST MOTHERF---ER: John McClane, Die Hard
Happy trails, everyone else.